Bereft and imprisoned, Reeves looked how the voters feel
Perhaps that there is no money? Of course, everyone but the Labour Party knows this by now.
The first question at PMQs was from Labour's Paul Waugh, who sang the praises of free school meals. (Has he ever eaten them?) When backbenchers speak, they should pop up like figures on a till. Ping! One billion for kiddies. Ping! A few billion for Universal Credit…
Kemi Badenoch, at the top of her game, awarded Waugh the prize of 'toady of the week'. Waugh croaked, 'she should withdraw', but this wasn't a cash machine and Kemi wasn't a benefits cheat, so on she hammered. Could the PM tell us how much his rewritten welfare Bill will cost and how many would it get into work?
You can guess the answer: Liz Truss, Liz Truss, Liz Truss. Next time I'm asked why I drove drunk into a swimming pool at 100 mph, I'll say: 'Sorry, officer, but the Tories left a £22-billion black hole.'
'Has he read the papers this morning?' asked Kemi. 'Where has he been?' The answer: put a pin on a map. Our Prime Minister is so disengaged from domestic affairs, it's a surprise he didn't arrive wearing a lei.
But while the PM was happy to deflect with a smile that bordered on simple, Kemi noticed something was awry with the rest of the bench. They looked as if they'd had words. Ange's face was a mask of contempt. Liz Kendall was hiding in the wings, chewing on a nicotine patch.
And Reeves's face was puffy with tears. 'She looks absolutely miserable,' shouted Kemi, displaying Poll Tax levels of empathy, calling her 'toast… a human shield'. It turns out that Right-wing Monetarists can be very unkind.
The Tories are happy because the issue is now tax. They don't agree on anything else, but they do hate to put their hand in their pockets – and can smell the whiff of Labour tax hikes coming amid a breakdown in finances, affirmed by the Chancellor's demeanour.
Never has the press gallery felt more horribly like a day trip to Bedlam. 'Would you say it's hay fever?' 'Her eyes do look red.' 'She was crying when she arrived.' 'Look at her eat that mint.' Her chin was wobbling; this had to be something deeper than politics, but politics is like a dagger that digs into a wound. Will the Chancellor 'be in post till the next election? ' asked Kemi. Starmer, a basically horrible man, declined to say. After another 20 excruciating minutes, Reeves left hand-in-hand with her sister.
One sincerely hopes the Chancellor is okay, but whatever the cause of the tears, it seems a sadistic act of folly to let her sit in front of the cameras. Bereft and imprisoned, she looked how the voters feel.
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