I wanted to be a young mom. I had my kids at 37 and 40, and I'm glad I waited.

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a day ago

When I was younger, I told myself that if I didn't have kids by 25, I wouldn't have them.
All the women in my life had been young moms, and I wanted to be a young mom, too.
I ended up having my kids at 37 and 40, and I now see the benefits of being an older parent.
From the time I started playing with dolls, I wanted to have babies of my own. By the time I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a young mom. I told myself that if I didn't have babies by the age of 25, I wouldn't have children.
When I was born, my father was a few weeks shy of his 25th birthday. By then, he already had a Ph.D. and a steady job as a college professor. My mother was 20 and a stay-at-home mom. Having children young and the roles they played in our family, as well as my father's professional stability, were not uncommon for their generation.
My parents divorced when I was 5, and my younger sister and I were raised by my dad. Eventually, my father remarried to a woman who was only 10 years older than I am, and they had two more children; my stepmother was also in her early 20s when she had my brother and sister.
My grandmother, who helped raise me, had also been a young mother. So to me, it made sense to follow in all these women's footsteps. Back the, being 30 sounded ancient to me. I didn't want a big generational gap between my children and me.
Through most of my 20s, I was in a long-term relationship with a man 11 years my senior who had two kids of his own. He wasn't partial to having more children, but I was young and naive and, of course, I was sure I could change his mind. Instead, we broke up.
Suddenly, I found myself single and childless in my early 30s. I dated around and had a few short-term relationships, but the desire to have babies did not wane one bit. At one point, I told my grandmother that I didn't care whether I adopted, did IVF, or got pregnant inadvertently. I wanted babies, and I wanted them now.
Then I met a guy four years younger than me who seemed like a breath of fresh air — no ex-wives, no kids, no bitterness. My biological clock was not just ticking; it was ringing the alarm! So, a year late, we got married, and a year after that, we decided to try to conceive.
It took a while, but I finally had my first baby just a few months shy of my 38th birthday. My second came when I was almost 41. Although both pregnancies were considered geriatric, I didn't feel I was "too old" during either pregnancy, and I was perfectly happy chasing toddlers in my 40s.
Though 25 was my initial cut-off to have kids, I wouldn't have been ready by then. I had been battling bulimia for 10 years and was also suffering from bouts of depression. It took me another decade to sort myself out through therapy, 12-step groups, and medication.
When I started trying to conceive, I was in the best shape of my life, and I took excellent care of myself during both pregnancies. Looking back, I feel I was a much more responsible and aware parent than I would have been in my 20s.
My parents' divorce affected me deeply throughout my life. When I had to make my own tough call of filing for divorce, I did it with the utmost care, keeping our children in mind.
I'm 61 now, and my children are 24 and 21. Although I am much older than they are, I feel the generational gap between us is smaller than what my father and I had. I realize now that he never really had time to be young, while it took me a long time to become a mature, conscious adult.
My only regret is that I may not be around for my children when they're my age, while I still have my dad. He and I now enjoy a close relationship: we talk several times a week and spend quality time together when I come to visit. Then again, my grandmother lived to be 102, so who knows?
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