When Ego Interferes With Judgment

Forbes

27-06-2025

Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., of Success Starts With You, author of Cognitive Enlightenment and awarded Top International Coach 2020 by the IAOTP.
The other day, a client was describing a situation that occurred at work. She is chief legal counsel, and another executive excluded her from looking over a contract. What? Yes. This executive bypassed her expertise and a major element of her role in the organization. During our session, we explored how that could happen.
First, we needed to understand the executive's basic nature—was he a team player or someone who preferred to work independently? My client confirmed he was a lone wolf working solo, rather than collaborating with his "pack" or team. The next question to ponder was, Why did he struggle with working with a team? What prevents someone, anyone, from collaborating? There can be a vast array of reasons to explore, but in my experience, one that always needs to be considered is the ego.
When Ego Becomes An Issue
A healthy ego is essential for everyone; it motivates us to rise to challenges. However, an inflated ego can impair judgment and exacerbate conflicts. I identified this as a key issue for this executive because not only did he undermine my client, but he also threw her under the proverbial bus.
When someone is driven by their ego and that ego feels threatened, it can lead to unprofessional behavior, as the ego is primarily concerned with survival. In situations where ego dictates actions, it must win and be right. Excluding my client from reviewing the contract might have been an attempt at self-preservation, avoiding feedback that some contract items needed changes. The ego perceives such feedback as criticism, which threatens its sense of correctness.
After looking deeply into the executive's modus operandi of preferring to do it alone, my client and I next explored how this basic understanding could prepare my client to handle this executive in the future. When we gain awareness of another's behaviors, it opens us up to approach them differently. If ego was behind the choice to leave my client out of the picture, we had to explore how she could remind him of her role without bruising his ego.
How To Navigate An Inflated Ego—Without Letting Your Own Get In The Way
Often, when dealing with someone else's ego, our own ego can cloud our judgment. My client shared her intention to address this situation, which included defending herself. However, I informed her that this approach would likely be ineffective, as he could dismiss her words as mere noise, leading to no changes.
Working with someone who has an inflated ego can be challenging, but there are strategies you can use to manage the situation effectively. Here are some steps I suggested to my client:
Demonstrate that you understand their viewpoint. This can help reduce defensiveness and make them more receptive to your ideas.
Be direct and to the point. Avoid long-winded explanations that might be dismissed. Use bullet points or numbered lists to organize your thoughts.
Instead of criticizing their behavior, suggest constructive solutions. Frame your suggestions in a way that highlights mutual benefits.
Find areas of agreement and build on them. This can help create a collaborative atmosphere and reduce ego-driven conflicts.
These were just a few of the ideas we explored. Other suggestions were to focus on facts, set boundaries and stay professional and calm. By following these steps, I was confident that my client could effectively manage interactions with individuals who have inflated egos and work toward productive outcomes.
Key Takeaways
First, to understand the behavior, you need to get beneath the incident and look closely at what is driving the behavior. If it is ego-driven, stay calm and composed when confronting the situation.
Put yourself under a microscope and rein in your own ego-based response to the situation. Be clear about your expectations moving forward by seeking common ground.
By implementing these strategies, you can better navigate difficult interactions, keeping your own ego in check and your judgment clear. There are times the situation might become untenable; recognize when it is best to step back and disengage.
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