Lessons from the drive-through
Wednesday: 'How about now for that Wendy's? Some people like to dip their fries in the Frosty, and I think you would find that delicious.'
'That … does sound delicious. But not now.'
Friday: 'What are we having for dinner? Because I was thinking tonight would be a good night for Wendy's so when you get home you don't have to cook anything.'
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Oh, touché.
And so I found myself at the drive-through, gazing up at a saucy lass with red braids and freckles, my favorite of the fast food icons since my own childhood. I loved Pippi Longstocking and thought of Wendy as the capitalist American analog, peddling burgers instead of being super-strong and living in a tree. That we had never ordered Wendy's before had zero to do with principle and everything to do with the proliferation of McDonald's. There are three times as many as there are Wendy's within 10 miles of our house. Seems like sister hit the grease ceiling.
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A Wendy's chocolate Frosty.
Courtesy of Wendy's
I thought I'd be a hero, returning with the coveted chocolate Frosty, plus the dippable fries and some nuggets. Instead, I fell into an alternate universe. One minute you're texting mom jokes to your husband — 'Should I tell them to hold the Jerod Mayo?' — and the next the systems you take for granted have disintegrated like a wet tissue.
The line of cars at the drive-through wrapped around the building. I joined the caravan and waited. Then I waited some more. The cars were not moving. All these suckers sitting here forgot they could just go in and order! I laughed, shaking my head. I parked in the lot, entered the Wendy's, and discovered a scene of pure chaos.
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It was like the United Nations meets the stock exchange floor, but you wanted fries with that. A frenzy of people were yelling at one another in multiple languages. Employees and delivery drivers ran to and fro, on different sides of the counter. There was no food being produced that I could see. A stricken-looking woman turned to her co-worker and said, sotto voce, 'Babygirl,
what
is happening?'
Babygirl, what is?
I rejoined the drive-through line and waited some more. Should I download the app and order that way? Should I give up the Frosty dream? But here was some progress. My car inched forward. I finally rolled down my window to place my order. Silence. 'Hello? Are you ready?'
One more beat of silence, then through the speaker came a great sigh, a sigh of world-weariness that dealt a womp-womp to my very soul. And a voice spoke: 'It's gonna be a long night. Would you mind waiting a few minutes?'
'I'm so sorry,' I said. Then I drove to McDonald's, located in the next lot over.
A teenager took my order. He sounded as enthusiastic as a teenager working nights at the McDonald's drive-through window probably feels.
As I waited in the bardo between order and pickup, a man pulled in behind me. Our windows were down, and I heard him light into the kid: 'What is your problem?' he raged. 'You're in customer service! Where is your enthusiasm? What the hell are you doing? You don't belong here. Maybe you should try taking Adderall!'
I received my hot bag of grease, my cold cups of bubbles and ice. Then I peeled out and swerved back around, suddenly possessed with the dexterity of a race car driver. I screeched up to the order window and braked. A sullen teen voice asked, 'Can I help you?'
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'Yes. I just wanted to say that guy was a total jerk.'
'You heard him?' The kid sounded so relieved.
'I heard him. It's his problem, not yours. You're doing fine. Don't let him get to you.'
'Thank you so much,' said the kid, who was hired to take our orders but doesn't owe us jazz hands in the bargain.
I never got that Frosty. I thought I was running an errand for my own child. It turned out to be for someone else's instead. I hope if someone ever speaks to my son that way, a bystander will do the same.
I'll never know what malign spirit possessed Wendy's that night, what gremlins got into the wires. It doesn't take much to dismantle the systems we take for granted. But there are still humans inside the building.
'Babygirl,
what
is happening?'
'It's gonna be a long night.'
With a little grace, may they sort it out.
Devra First can be reached at
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