In a culture obsessed with positive thinking, can letting go be a radical act?
Such advice can have the effect of minimising our distress and abruptly changing the subject. Yet it is not the phrases themselves that are troubling – there is real substance to them – but the missed opportunity to grasp the true meaning of what Buddhist teacher Tara Brach calls 'radical acceptance'.
Radical acceptance represents a fundamental principle in both Buddhism and modern psychology and is neatly summarised in the psychotherapeutic expression 'the only way out is through'.
In a culture that emphasises positive thinking, many tend to avoid, repress, or downplay negative emotions and complex life events. Acceptance offers a powerful alternative. It encourages us to acknowledge and allow challenging states of mind and paves the way for greater wholeness, healing and ease.
However, acceptance cannot be achieved instantaneously or via platitudes, nor can it be attained through willpower alone. It requires consistent effort and repeated application.
In an era where viral self-help mantras like Mel Robbins' 'Let Them' theory seem appealing, it is tempting to seek quick fixes to complex problems. However, authentic radical acceptance involves more than detaching from others' behaviours; it requires accepting one's own fluctuating mind states and engaging with the world from a place of wisdom, flexibility and humility.
When my immediate family member died recently after a prolonged period of illness, the dimensions of my grief were (and continue to be) varied – sometimes jagged, sometimes soft and sometimes hard to accept. Yet I reminded myself that nothing was wrong. This was not a mistake. It was exactly as it was.
Over months, I noted 'anguish', 'desperation', 'bargaining', 'funny story', 'loving memory', 'fretting', 'attempt to fix', and so on. With time, a relationship of friendliness emerged and, alongside it, a growing acceptance of what had initially felt unbearable.
The practice is to accept each small, containable moment over and over rather than being lured into a grand narrative about a catastrophic life event.
According to Brach, radical acceptance invites us to pause, recognise and allow whatever arises within us with a spirit of tenderness and care. It can take the form of a gentle 'yes' or a knowing bow to our predominant experience, whatever shape it takes.
As we learn to accept complicated and unwanted feelings such as confusion, disbelief, despair, judgment and resistance, we gradually relate to our circumstances with realism and courage. We notice our thoughts, yearnings and corresponding body sensations and set aside our desire to control or improve our situation. With time, we sow seeds of compassion, even joy, amid difficulty. And our wisdom grows.
Of course, this is easier said than done.
Even in spiritual circles, there is a tendency to bypass difficult experiences or unacceptable emotions. The late Buddhist psychotherapist John Welwood coined the term spiritual bypassing to warn against misusing spirituality, even popular psychology, to avoid the necessary emotional and psychological work required for healing. While certain interpretations of spirituality can make us feel good or righteous in the moment, they can also serve to control and avoid what is happening beneath the surface, which has been proven to result in undesired psychological outcomes.
So, what does it mean to practise acceptance without bypassing intolerable experiences and feelings?
The first step is admitting that what we are going through is hard and that it is very human to resist what is painful. We might start by saying, 'I am suffering right now' or 'This is hard, and I don't like it'. Next, we strive to set aside our desire to replace negative experiences with positive ones. While this may seem at odds with the pursuit of happiness – particularly if we equate happiness with pleasure – it offers a more realistic and potentially fruitful way of being with our human predicament.
As we become more willing to accept the unacceptable, buried, unconscious memories and feelings may emerge and ask to be held in loving attention.
You might wonder: what if things are genuinely catastrophic? What if I am faced with circumstances I cannot possibly accept?
The answer lies in abandoning the struggle. In Buddhism, we are encouraged to 'let things be' – a phrase many Buddhist teachers prefer to 'letting things go'. This means seeing each moment, whether pleasant or unpleasant, as complete and whole, reflecting the flow of causes and conditions that constitute it. Let it be!
You don't have to enjoy every part of reality – in fact, things would get boring and you might get very disappointed if you only welcomed pleasant experiences – but instead, you can allow it to unfold as it will.
As Rumi writes in his beloved poem The Guest House, 'This being human is a guest house … the dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.' He calls on us to invite all 'unexpected visitors' in – it's a radical proposition.
Buddhist monk Ajahn Sumedho captures the heart of radical acceptance with the instruction, 'It is like this right now. Life is like this right now.' In moments of distress, we might repeat these words. The striking part of his suggestion is that you do not have to do anything in particular. Life flows on and you meet it precisely as it is. With time, you may come to realise that you are not the boss of your life or anyone else's. And that fact in itself may offer you inexplicable relief.
Dr Nadine Levy is a senior lecturer at the Nan Tien Institute. She coordinates its health and social wellbeing program and the graduate certificate in applied mindfulness
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The Independent
5 days ago
- The Independent
High in India's Himalayan mountains, yak herders struggle to survive a warming world
Carrying her 1-year-old son on her back, Tsering Dolma herds a dozen yaks into a stone-walled corral as evening approaches in the desolate mountains of India's remote Ladakh region. A few herders tending livestock are the only people visible for miles on the wind-swept plains where patchy grass gives way to gravelly foothills and stony peaks. For generations, herders such as Dolma have relied on snowmelt that trickled down the mountain folds to sustain the high-altitude pastures where their herds graze. But now, herders say, the snow and rain are less predictable, and there is less grass for yaks to eat. 'Earlier, it used to snow and rain, but now it has reduced a lot,' the 32-year-old says. 'Even the winters are getting warmer than before.' Much of the herding, milking and gathering of wool is done by women in Ladakh, an area near Tibet that was part of the ancient Silk Route. It's work mostly done by hand. In another valley, Kunzias Dolma is busy making tea with yak milk and checking her yak butter, while spinning her Buddhist prayer wheel with her right hand. The 73-year-old, who's not related to Tsering Dolma, has spent her life around yaks, working long hours to make products from their milk and sewing blankets from their wool. 'We wake up early morning around 5 a.m. every day,' she says. 'My husband and I milk the yaks and do all of the other yak-related work until about lunch. Then we take a break and get back to work in the evening. We have been doing this all our life.' But that way of life is threatened as climate change makes Ladakh less hospitable to yaks and many in the younger generation seek other jobs. Rising temperatures and erratic rainfall in the area have made it harder for yaks, which are related to bison and cattle, to find nourishing vegetation and have also exposed the shaggy, cold-loving animals' bodies to more stress. Researchers have found that the average temperature in the Ladakh region has increased by 3 C (5.4 F) in the last four decades, while heat waves have become more extreme and rains more unpredictable. While it's hard to precisely quantify climate change's impact on yak numbers in the area, scientists say it appears to be a factor in their decline. The government estimates the yak population in Ladakh has fallen from nearly 34,000 in 2012 to fewer than 20,000 in 2019, the most recent year for which the data is available. Globally, the yak population remains in the millions, but scientists say the ecosystem in this part of the Himalayas is particularly vulnerable to global warming. A threatened way of life Herder Kunzang Angmo has seen the changes up close. 'Earlier, there were a lot of yaks, but now there aren't as many,' she says. 'It used to snow a lot before, but now the snowfall is decreasing, and due to less water, we have less grass available.' Generations of Tsering Angchok's family have relied on yaks, but the number of herders in the area is dropping. 'We get everything from the yak—food, milk, clothing, butter, cheese, meat, wool, even dung,' says the 75-year-old who has 80 yaks. 'Nothing goes to waste. We and our ancestors have grown up living on all of this.' As weather patterns change, native vegetation is being crowded out by less nourishing shrubs and weeds, according to researchers. Herders say grazing lands are becoming smaller. Thering Norphel, a 70-year-old former yak herder, remembers when pastures had more vegetation and life with yaks was easier. 'When I was younger, there was more grass, more water and more wildlife,' he says. Pointing to bare mountains in the distance, he said: 'Earlier, all those mountains were filled with snow. Now it's just rock. As there is no snow or ice, there is less water. This affects the growth of grass that yaks feed on.' Consequences for a fragile ecosystem Tashi Dorji, a livestock and rangelands specialist with the International Centre for Integrated Mountain Development, says the region and its people are being hit especially hard by global warming. 'Fast-melting glaciers, intense, erratic rainfall and reducing snow levels are all having a direct impact on both the herders and their animals,' Dorji says. Stanzin Rabgais, a livestock officer with the Ladakh government, attributes a rise in bacterial diseases among yaks in recent years to hotter temperatures in the region. Experts warn that the decline in yak herding has consequences for Ladakh and its fragile Himalayan ecosystem, because pastoralists manage grazing lands, keep invasive plants in check and help maintain the area's biodiversity. The sparsely populated region, most of which is is above 3,000 meters (9,842 feet), is also home to wildlife including the snow leopard, red fox and blue sheep. 'If the herders disappear, the landscape changes,' Dorji says. 'Unpalatable shrubs take over, wildlife loses food sources and the ecosystem starts to collapse. This is not just about animals—it's about a way of life and the health of the land.' Rabgais believes that yak products could sell beyond the area if properly marketed and developed. He describes yak calf wool, for example, as finer than most commercial wool, rivaling cashmere in softness. A traditional livelihood in a changing job market Jobs in tourism and other industries, along with educational opportunities, also draw people away from herding. Herders say younger Ladakhis prefer less arduous work with potentially better pay than tending to yaks. Herders travel long distances over rough mountain land to find grazing areas and are constantly on the move. 'The next generation doesn't want to do this work. They work for the Indian Army as laborers or are getting an education and looking for other jobs,' says Norphel, the former yak herder. Ladakh, famous for its Buddhist monasteries and hiking trails, has experienced a significant increase in tourism in recent years as transportation infrastructure has made the area easier to reach, which has created new jobs. Rabgais, the government official, says most yak herders are older now and unless greater numbers of young people take up herding, 'the future is bleak' for the occupation. Among the exceptions is 32-year-old yak herder Punchuk Namdol, who chose the traditional profession even as other people his age look for different options. 'Earlier, we didn't have any other work — we only had yaks and other cattle,' Namdol says. 'But now, there's no one to take care of them. Yak herding is a difficult task, and fewer people are willing to do it.' ___ Follow Sibi Arasu on X at @sibi123 ___ ___ The Associated Press' climate and environmental coverage receives financial support from multiple private foundations. AP is solely responsible for all content. Find AP's standards for working with philanthropies, a list of supporters and funded coverage areas at
The Independent
26-07-2025
- The Independent
For young and Buddhist-curious, a moment of modern mindfulness
New York Zendo Shobo-ji was quiet on a Saturday morning in late June, far removed from the muted hum and chatter that lingers in Lenox Hill, in Upper Manhattan, even on rainy summer days. Inside, a small group of young adults sat zazen as an ordained member of the Triratna order led them through a mindfulness meditation. 'Be aware of the sounds around you, the quality of the air,' the practice leader said. As if on cue, a bird began cooing in the temple's garden. The fact that everyone in attendance was on the younger side was by design: The practice is part of the Young Buddhist Initiative, a program designed to help those age 35 and underexplore Buddhist teachings and meditation — no experience needed. Previous sessions have covered topics such as mindfulness, the three poisons (greed, hatred and delusion, the root mental states that Buddhists say cause human suffering) and the meaning of enlightenment. The initiative is run by the Triratna Buddhist Community of New York and New Jersey, part of the international Triratna Buddhist Community founded in 1967 by Sangharakshita, the British spiritual teacher born as Dennis Lingwood. 'Triratna' refers to the Three Jewels or Three Refuges of Buddhism: the Buddha, Dharma (the Buddha's teachings) and Sangha (the Buddhist community). The fellowship describes itself as bringing Buddhist traditions into the modern world in a way that suits contemporary lives. ___ This content is written and produced by Religion News Service and distributed by The Associated Press. RNS and AP partner on some religion news content. RNS is solely responsible for this story. ___ In the United Kingdom, young people's retreats can attract more than 100 attendees; in the United States, it's just getting started. While the New York-area branch doesn't have a permanent headquarters, it runs regular Zoom events as well as in-person meetings and retreats at various locations, such as New York Zendo Shobo-ji. Ananta, who goes by a single name and is CEO of the nonprofit Karuna USA, led the recent day's practice, guiding the meditation from awareness of one's breath, body and surroundings to a reflection and discussion on recent actions that participants felt either proud of or guilty about — not to be deemed morally good or bad but to reflect on and let go. 'Experiences are preceded by mind, led by mind, and produced by mind,' he read from the Dhammapada, a collection of the Buddha's sayings. 'If one speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows even as the cart wheel follows the hoof of the ox … If one speaks or acts with a pure mind, happiness follows like a shadow that never departs.' The Young Buddhist Initiative began out of a desire to create a nurturing space where young people could support each other in their spiritual practice. Ananta came across Buddhism at age 18 through a meditation group at his university in London and knows the value of having a cohort of like-minded peers. 'There are people like you who also have spiritual aspirations andare interested in leading a particular lifestyle. That can be very supportive.' Tamojyoti, an ordained member of the Triratna community who goes by a single name, agreed. 'We just have a different consciousness than young people. And I think maybe why those young people groups work so well is because that consciousness can flourish,' she said. One of the attendees at the session, Kizzy Joseph, a 28-year-old therapist from Brooklyn, was seeking to have conversations about spirituality with people in her age group and had been looking for Buddhist spaces across the city. Most groups she found took a too-intellectual approach to Buddhism, skewed older or were predominantly white. Headed to her first meeting with the Young Buddhist Initiative, Joseph feared she would be the only Black person in the room. 'To my happy surprise, there were three other women of color and another person of color — I think they identify as nonbinary. I was really surprised by how diverse the space was.' According to the 2023 PRRI Census of American Religion, the average age of a U.S. Buddhist is 52, but survey numbers come with the caveat that gathering statistics about Buddhists is difficult, as many people, like Joseph, engage in Buddhist beliefs and practices without formally identifying as Buddhist. Protestant by birth, Joseph became unhappy with the rigid religious structure she was raised in and began exploring different approaches to spirituality in her teens. She feels a 'gentle calling'toward Buddhism and finds it less forceful than the faith of her childhood, but doesn't defineherself as a Buddhist. In her personal life, she also practices ancestor veneration and Reiki. Still, the Young Buddhist Initiative provides something that she hadn't found in other spaces: a feeling of connectedness and emotional safety. 'It's first and foremost about creating an environment where people of all ages, including younger people, feel comfortable and welcome. One of the things I'm noticing is that we have a number of transgender people that are young, and so I think it feels almost like the environment is open and welcoming for everyone,' said Michael King, a 58-year-old New Yorker who has been attending Triratna meetings and practices for four years. (Despite its name, New York's Triratna practice attendee ages typically range from 40 to 60, hewing closely to PRRIs national average.) The group tries its best to cultivate that environment. Those in attendance at the late June session spoke quietly but frankly about fights in personal relationships or embarrassing moments at work, receiving acceptance, not judgement, in return. A break for tea and cookies in the temple's kitchen made room for casual conversation. When it was time to discuss karma and hypothetical moral situations, we were reminded that it's not about a strict binary of 'good' or 'bad,' but 'skilled' or 'unskilled': that is, aligned with Buddhist precepts and leading to either happy or unhappy results. The five precepts of Buddhism — abstaining from killing living beings, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and intoxication — were also interpreted through a modern lens. Alcohol, for example, was considered not to be bad if used moderately; on the other hand, mindlessly scrolling through social media could become a form of intoxication. The group discussed white lies, supporting friends and power dynamics, never landing on an answer that was considered universally correct. For Tamojyoti, Buddhism can provide a way to transform the anxiety that many young people feel in response to the state of the world into action. 'Young people want to stand for something, and Buddhism is all about your truth, your values, interconnection, compassion.' 'If we're going to change the way this world is operating, it's going to happen through young people,' King said, expressing a desire for young people to come to the Dharma and make an impact. 'I think a lot of people in my generation have wanted to live more of a Dharmic life, meaning that we're pulling away from those structures. But those structures can't change unless we're in there changing them.' ___ Associated Press religion coverage receives support through the AP's collaboration with The Conversation US, with funding from Lilly Endowment Inc. The AP is solely responsible for this content.
The Guardian
07-07-2025
- The Guardian
Can you solve it? The world's most fascinating number – revealed!
Before we get to today's puzzles, I'd like to introduce the most interesting number in the universe. 108 Readers of Asian heritage will nod with familiarity. The number has profound significance in Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, Buddhism and Chinese culture. It's the number of beads on a rosary, the number of sun salutations performed in a yoga ceremony, the number of Buddhas to be carved on a walnut for good luck, and the phone number of the Indian Emergency Ambulance service. Mathematically, 108 is also a superstar, a fact I only discovered recently in a new book by the former Principal Chief Engineer of Indian Railways, Shyam Sunder Gupta. For example: 108 is 11 x 22 x 33 , the product of the first three numbers raised to themselves. 108 is the smallest number whose divisors when taken together contain every digit at least once. (The divisors are 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 12, 18, 27, 36, 54 and 108) 108 is the largest known number n such that 2n does not contain a 9. (2108 = 324518553658426726783156020576256) 108 is the internal angle (in degrees) of a regular pentagon 108 is the number of free heptominoes (the Tetris-like shapes made from seven linked squares.) 108 is the number of cards in a UNO deck. I've only scratched the surface. Gupta's book, Exploring the Beauty of Fascinating Numbers, has ten pages of facts about 108, ending with the observation that '1' stands for truth, '0' for emptiness and '8' is the infinity symbol rotated by 90 degrees. 'Thus the sacred number 108 tells us that we are at once something, nothing and everything.' The only other numbers that Gupta devotes an entire chapter to are pi, 13, 666 and 153 (possibly the second most interesting number in the universe). It could be the case that the spiritual importance of 108 led Asian mathematicians to catalogue interesting properties about it. Or it could be that 108 really is a particularly interesting number – it is not too small, not too large, and highly divisible – which helped it gain spiritual importance in the first place. How nice that numerologists and number theorists have something to agree about for once! Today's puzzles are about numbers with interesting properties. 1. Brilliant billions You have ten cards. On each of the cards is one of the digits 0 to 9. When you arrange the cards in a line you get a number between 0123456789 and 9876543210. i) How many of these numbers are divisible by 2? ii) How many are divisible by 3? 2. How low can you go? What is the smallest even number between 1000 and 9999 written with four different digits? 3. All about me An autobiographical number is one where the first digit describes how many 0s it has, the second digit describes how many 1s it has, and so on, so that the (n + 1)th digit describes how many n's it has. For example, 1210 is an autobiographical number because it has 1 zero, 2 ones, 1 two and 0 threes. Find the only ten digit autobiographical number. I'll be back at 5pm UK with the solutions. PLEASE NO SPOILERS – instead tell me why you find 108 such a great number! Exploring the Beauty of Fascinating Numbers by Shyam Sunder Gupta is out now. I've been setting a puzzle here on alternate Mondays since 2015. I'm always on the look-out for great puzzles. If you would like to suggest one, email me. Sources of today's puzzles: 1) Leon Gelkoff, 2) SmartFriends, a daily IQ challenge, 3) An old classic.
