How to Establish a Bedtime Routine for Toddlers (And Why You Really Should), According to a Neuropsychologist

Yahoo

04-07-2025

Parents live and die by bedtime (or at least that's how it feels, right?), but getting a toddler on board with the idea can be a real challenge. That said, toddlers—like most of us—are creatures of habit who benefit from a predictable routine. As such, a solid bedtime routine for toddlers can do a lot to minimize the nighttime struggle and ensure that everyone gets the quality rest they need. I interviewed a neuropsychologist (and mom-of-two) to learn more about why bedtime routines for toddlers are so important and how parents can effectively implement one. Read on for the full scoop.
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Dr. Sanam Hafeez is a New York City-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, a psychological practice that treats learning disorders, anxiety, depression and other psychopathological disorders. Dr. Hafeez obtained her Doctor of Psychology at Hofstra University and completed her post-doctoral training in neuropsychology and developmental pediatrics at Coney Island Hospital.Routines can be difficult to establish, especially since parenting has a tendency to feel, well, inherently chaotic. Still, bedtime routines for toddlers have significant benefits, so establishing one that you can stick with will be well worth the effort. For starters, 'a bedtime routine provides toddlers with a sense of stability and comfort, making the transition to sleep much smoother,' explains Dr. Hafeez, adding that, 'when the same calming steps happen night after night, children start to associate those moments with winding down, which helps their brains recognize when it's time to relax.'
And that's just one way that a bedtime routine for toddlers can make your life easier; there are long-term benefits, too. Per the expert, 'this kind of consistency doesn't just support falling asleep more easily, it also contributes to better-quality rest, which is essential for healthy brain development, mood regulation, and immune function during these critical early years,' explains Dr. Hafeez. In other words, a routine doesn't just relieve the bedtime blues, it sets your child (and you) up for success across the board.
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I hinted at this earlier, but one of the hardest parts about routines and child-rearing is simply getting started. Fortunately, Dr. Hafeez shared a sample routine that has the soothing effect you're aiming for. You can read her advice below and use it as a template that can be tailored to your child's temperament and your own scheduling needs.
'After dinner, give your child a warm bath to help relax their body and signal that the day is coming to a close. Once they're in their pajamas, dim the lights and shift the mood to quiet. Head to their room and let them choose one book to read together. After the story, take a moment to talk softly about their day or sing a familiar lullaby. Tuck them in with their favorite stuffed animal or blanket, offer a goodnight kiss, and let them know you're nearby. This type of routine creates a rhythm that toddlers find both soothing and predictable.'
Personally, I can attest to the importance of dimming lights and setting a bedtime mood. It's something I started when my two kids were toddlers and continues to this day, though it has evolved with our routine. (As my kids got older and evening baths were replaced by afternoon showers, I shifted the routine to turning off overhead lights, lighting scented candles and playing gentle music while cuddling on the couch.)
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It's best to start your routine at roughly the same time every night if possible because, as Dr. Hafeez explains, 'a steady rhythm helps set the body's internal clock, making it easier for toddlers to feel naturally sleepy.'
Gradually set the scene and create a relaxing environment by lowering the lights and removing distractions, like noisy toys, etc. Per the expert, doing this will help your child's nervous system settle.
Speaking of allowing your child's nervous system to settle, Dr. Hafeez also emphasizes the importance of eliminating screen time from a bedtime routine—namely because light from a screen 'interferes with the brain's natural sleep signals.' (Bonus points if you can follow this rule yourself.)
Cuddling, reading and a quiet, conversational review of your child's day are all expert-approved ways of setting the right tone for bedtime.
If needed, offer your toddler a light snack, but steer clear of sugar. This snack can be enjoyed during those aforementioned quiet moments of cuddling and reading. (I don't know if it strictly abides by the 'steer clear of sugar' rule, but I had great success giving my toddlers a 'bedtime banana' every night. It filled them up and the natural sugar in the fruit didn't seem to cause any disruption to our routine.)
Brushing teeth with toddlers can be a battle, but it's important nevertheless. Indeed, Dr. Hafeez reminds that 'brushing teeth should always be part of the routine, as it builds good habits early on.'
Even if your toddler is still wearing pull-ups over night, it's a good habit to empty the bladder before bed—and one that will ensure your child's comfort. The expert points out (and everyone agrees) that overnight accidents, whether it's in a pull-up or right on the bedding, are a recipe for night wakings that interrupt their rest.
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Bedtime power struggles and soothing routines are completely at odds, so the expert advises that you do your best to avoid the former, adding that 'if your child resists, it's more effective to stay calm and address their needs than to force things.'
Pro tip: leave excessively complicated or elaborate rituals out of the equation. 'Routines should be simple and consistent, not overly detailed or drawn out, which can lead to overstimulation,' says Dr. Hafeez.
For much the same reason, the expert also cautions against overwhelming your child with choice during this period (i.e., provide a choice between two bedtime books, but don't let them browse the whole library). In other words, keep it simple, stupid!
If you stick to the recommendation of having a regular time when your bedtime routine takes place, this shouldn't be such a problem. However, the expert emphasizes that it's never helpful to use bedtime as a consequence when evening shenanigans have gotten out of hand—namely because bedtime 'should feel like a peaceful, safe time of day' and you don't want to interfere with the feeling of consistency you're trying to create.
Closely related to the last 'don't' and kind of a no-brainer, but the expert does indeed confirm that threats—like, if you don't go to bed right now, we aren't going to the playground in the morning—are not a good idea. In fact, 'they create anxiety and make things worse.'
You might be practicing attachment parenting, or perhaps just flying by the seat of your pants and doing whatever you have to do to get a little shut-eye. Still, Dr. Hafeez notes that it's important to set boundaries early—particularly if you don't want your child sleeping in your bed longterm.
Here, the 'don't' is quite simply the opposite of the 'do.' Dimming the lights at bedtime sets a soothing, sleepy-time tone; whereas, bright overhead lights (and screens!) tend to keep toddlers stimulated and that makes it harder for their brains to shift into sleep mode.
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