Difficult calls needed to fix broken childcare system
If we are serious about child safety, we have to advocate for kids first and foremost. That means making difficult decisions, uncomfortable conversations, knowing the signs, and doing everything in our power to keep kids safe.
Right now anyone who has entrusted their little ones to a childcare centre is probably struggling with guilt.
But it's this broken system that has failed our kids, putting a dollar sign on safety most of us can't afford. The village we know it takes to raise a child is no more. Instead we are obliged to pay for a 'caring' community that has failed us time and again. I qualify for the childcare subsidy. So how about we take out the middle man? How about the government pays me to stay home with my kids? Because when there is no access there is no abuse.
To create change we must understand what child sexual abuse is. Children can be abused by adults and other children in a position of power, in person, by phone or online. It can be kissing, holding or fondling, exposing genitalia, talking in a sexual way, intruding on a child's privacy, showing pornographic videos or images, forcing a child to watch a sexual act, child exploitation, or sexual engagement.
You know your child best and when it comes to their wellbeing always trust your gut. That also means being attuned to concerning behaviour in adults and children who have contact with your child. As parents and carers we must be prepared to confront it head on – particularly when addressing the elephant in the room: Childcare.
An obvious example we often fail to address – not just in childcare centres but in our own social circles – is nappy changing. It's a really vulnerable time for your child and it's important to be clear about Who changes nappies, Where, and What the change looks like.
Feel free to say:
• Wipes only, no nappy rash cream
• In a change room with another worker in attendance, not an audience
• That it has to be a specific person and that person alone.
Despite these horrific circumstances, your child, and you, will heal. Provided you are brave enough to have big open conversations, be honest and don't shy away when explaining what happened and why it's wrong. Seek support. These wounds don't heal if left to fester. And trust that there are people fighting tooth and nail to see this broken system torn down, and a new one that actually prioritises keeping our kids safe built in its place.
Madeleine West's advice to parents: 'You know your child best and when it comes to their wellbeing always trust your gut'. Picture: Sam Ruttyn
MADELEINE WEST'S TIPS FOR PARENTS
QUESTIONS TO ASK OF CHILDCARE CENTRES
1) What are the qualifications and training of your educators?
2). What is the ratio of children to educators?
3) When you're attending to my child's personal needs are the educators alone with my child?
4). What's your policy on staff using their phones or cameras? We've been promised there will be a blanket ban but it's yet to be enforced.
5). What is your child protection policy? Can I have a copy? Ask another staff member how familiar they are with it.
6). What is your centre's quality rating?
7). What are your policies on sleeping, toileting, and social media?
HOW TO RECOGNISE ABUSE
Emotional and behavioural signs:
• Speaking/knowing about sexual activities
• Playing in a sexual way
• Refusing to undress or wearing extra clothing
• Fear of a particular person or group
• Fear of going to a particular location
• Despair, worry, anxiety or fear
• Withdrawal, outbursts or tantrums
• Creating stories or artwork about abuse
• Insomnia, nightmares
• Being secretive
Physical signs:
• Bruising, bleeding, swelling, tears or cuts on genitals
• Itching/pain in the genital area.
• Difficulty going to the toilet, walking or sitting
• Wetting the bed or soiling themselves
• Chronic stomach pain, STI's, chronic thrush, UTIs or other such unexplained repeated concerns
• Early onset of puberty.
BEHAVIOURS TO LOOK OUT FOR & HOW TO RESPOND
• Not respecting boundaries.
Example response: 'I notice you allow my child to stay up past our agreed bedtime/watch M rated movies/play games outside their age group. You need to check with me first to see if it's okay.'
• Encouraging or engaging in touch where you have indicated the attention is unwanted.
Example response: 'I notice that you encourage my child to kiss/hug/touch to say goodbye. That's not okay with me. Lets talk about alternatives.'
• Not having age-appropriate relationships.
Perhaps ask the person in contact with your child questions about their work, family, friends, hobbies, and interests to gain more context and understanding about who they are and who is in their circle.
• If you find an adult is talking about their relationships with your child or relationship problems, an excellent response is to say 'talking to a to child about your relationship problems is too much for them, it's not appropriate. I think you need to seek alternative support, talk to a counsellor or your own friends or family'.
• If you find an adult or another child wants to spend time alone with your child and is making excuses to be alone with your child (for example a childcare worker wanting to spend time with your child outside of care hours), respond by saying 'I've noticed that you want to spend a lot of time with my child. I feel that's inappropriate, and so it won't be happening',
• If you find that an adult or child is expressing interest in your child's sexual development and physical development. A great way to respond to that is to say 'I notice you make comments about my child's body and how they are developing. That makes us all feel uncomfortable. Please stop.
• Another adult or child is giving gifts without occasion or reason. Your response: 'Thanks for the gift, on this occasion we cannot accept it'.
• An adult or child is restricting your child's access to other trusted adults, for example at a family function. You could say 'I see you are discouraging my child from hanging out with other people. That's not OK with me and that needs to stop'.
Madeleine West is a campaigner against child abuse. Follow her on Instagram @msmadswest, and watch her free webinar A Critical Conversation on Childhood Safety with early childhood expert Maggie Dent on Monday, July 7, at 7pm (AEST).
Originally published as Madeleine West | Difficult calls needed to fix our broken childcare system
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