Alex Masibaka: from French obscurity to Scotland Test dream
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Telegraph
an hour ago
- Telegraph
The Midults: I'm having an affair with a married man from the tennis club
Dear A&E, For the past two years I have been having an affair with a man I met through my tennis club. I've fallen madly in love with him and feel desperate to be with him. We meet a couple of times a week – usually at my house – as I am divorced and my teenagers are at school or staying with their father. He says that he loves me and wants us to have a life together but he is married with smaller children and is totally paranoid about anyone finding out about us. I'm panicking and feeling more and more fraught. We are both in our mid-40s. Am I wasting my time? –Desperate Dear Desperate, Fraught, panicking and… desperate are not how we are meant to feel when we are in a mutually loving, healthy relationship. What do you expect us to say in answer to your letter? 'Sounds like the dream'? What would you say to your sister, daughter or best friend, were they to find themselves in a similar situation? In short – to pull off the plaster quickly – you are listening to his words rather than being informed by his actions, which are sneaky, shifty and do not indicate the intentions of a person planning a future with you. We are very sorry. You ask if you are wasting your time. We do not have a crystal ball but you are not spending it well or wisely. You are not looking after yourself. You are not respecting yourself. If we were betting women, we would say that, yes, it seems that there is a good chance that you are wasting your time. But are you prepared to do anything about it? When 'mad' becomes the operative in 'madly in love' we can find ourselves in deep trouble. You are not there yet, but the longer this goes on, the fewer resources you will have to call on. You risk becoming a person you don't recognise. This stuff has the power to do that to all of us. These situations make us less than we are. Because we are getting less than we deserve. They prey on loneliness and fear. They prey on the parts of us that are broken rather than whole. Here's part of the why: we say this with no judgment, but you are the bad guy in this scenario as well as him. Another woman is being wronged and, at some point, that may bite with you and your conscience. We are sure you did not plan for things to go this way but, farther down the line, you may need to accept that the fantasy of great love was just that: an affair rather than a forever romance. Staying in this is a way of protecting yourself from the realisation that this is just a grubby affair with a married guy you met at the tennis club. Often, it's only after the fact that we realise someone has been flicking crumbs in our direction while they have their cake and eat it. From your longer letter, this does not feel like love. It feels like deceit. Heady? Yes. Healthy? No. Our advice is to be realistic and to act accordingly. You may not be able to bear a total cut-off right now – although that is what we would recommend. You could say, 'Come back when you're separated,' but that still holds you hostage by leaving the door open for you to hope and message and reduce yourself further. Manage your expectations. Invest less time. Lose the narrative. Try to be strict with yourself with regard to fantasising. See if some emotional distance can help you move towards living in a different way. Get busy. Breathe deeply and reclaim your dignity. You are complicit in your own heartbreak. You did not sleepwalk into this: you knew he was married. You say in your longer letter that you felt very alone after your divorce and this brought you back to life. But is this the life you want? Who does this make you? How long do you wait? Don't you deserve to be the leading lady in your own life? Start setting up a life you can enjoy and be proud of. Work on your house, your fitness, your career. See films and go to gigs and plays. Jump in lakes and run down beaches. Do joyful things with your children. See friends but do not talk about him in a bid to sell the situation to those you love. That is unlikely to work and is something you may regret. Build up everything so that if and when this implodes, you have created your own safety net. You may need it. And we want you to show yourself that you deserve it. Good luck, Desperate. You'll be OK.
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
The three states where it's illegal to set off fireworks on July 4
Fireworks are the star of the show on July 4 for Americans across the country - but in a handful of states lighting up the sky is actually illegal. Most of the US allows some form of consumer fireworks, however, restrictions can vary widely. States like California, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, and Oregon limit fireworks to 'safe and sane' options, which forbids explosions, no flight, and minimal fire risk. In states like Hawaii, Nevada, and Wyoming, fireworks laws differ by county. This means what's legal in one place may be totally banned just a few zip codes away. But three US states have the strictest of laws - where most or all private fireworks are completely banned. Penalties for disobeying the laws can result in steep fines. Officials say safety is the main concern regarding why fireworks are off-limits in certain states. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission reported eight deaths and nearly 10,000 injuries related to fireworks in 2023 alone. In dry states like California, even a single firework can spark a wildfire. Here's where you can't legally light fireworks this Fourth of July. Find out if your state made the list below: 1. Massachusetts Massachusetts has a total ban on fireworks. It is the only state in the US where all private fireworks, even sparklers, are completely banned. It is illegal to sell, possess, or use any type of firework without a professional license. That includes the tiniest of sparklers or party poppers. The state has been pushed to loosen the law, however, officials have not backed down yet. The state says hundreds of fires and injuries are linked to illegal fireworks. From 2013 to 2022 alone, Massachusetts fire departments responded to nearly 1,000 fireworks-related blazes, with 47 injuries and $2.5million in damages. 2. Illinois In Illinois, fireworks are not entirely banned but they are extremely limited. The sale and use of consumer fireworks like firecrackers, bottle rockets, and Roman candles is mainly banned. However, other items like sparklers, smoke bombs, snakes, and poppers are allowed in most parts of the state. Still, anything that explodes or goes airborne is totally off-limits. That is unless a county specifically passes an ordinance to permit it. So in other words, what's legal in one area could be banned just a few miles away. 3. Vermont In Vermont, fireworks are also tightly restricted. The state also outlaws most consumer fireworks, however it does permits sparklers with extremely small amounts of explosive material. Sparklers must contain 20 grams or less of pyrotechnic material. Novelty items can't exceed 0.25 grains of explosive compound. But even then, state officials have urged to use caution and have cracked down on illegal displays in recent years.
Times
an hour ago
- Times
Wimbledon queue tips and secrets: how to get tickets
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