Living with HIV as a Person of Color
The road to acceptance of HIV can be frightening and lonely for anyone. But it can be an 'amplifier' for people of color. That's because obstacles that already existed for us become even bigger. Facing systemic racism, patriarchy, homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny all while also adjusting to life with HIV is extremely difficult.
And because everyone's experience is unique, there's even more nuance to take into consideration. Such as intersectionality.
This means people of color who identify as LGBTQ+ are at higher risk of shame, guilt, and conflict. Add HIV stigma, and an already difficult situation can feel next to impossible.
For Black women, Black gay men, and Black trans women in particular, life with HIV can also be an uphill battle because of disparities related to care, insurance, and viral suppression.
Before contracting HIV, I spent years struggling through acceptance of sexuality. Once I tackled the most difficult parts of coming out, I started to feel like I was figuring out life and how to live it.
Then, right after I turned 30, I learned I was HIV positive. It felt like a reset in the worst possible way. I was starting over with yet another set of obstacles to overcome. In the beginning, it felt like one more layer of difficulty I had to contend with.
That meant confronting all the possible implications of disclosing my status, much like I'd already had to do with my sexuality. Backlash, rejection, ridicule, and violence were all possibilities I had to be realistic about. They were real risks of being open about living with HIV as a Black gay man.
By the time HIV entered the picture, I was no stranger to being misunderstood, othered, and isolated. But that didn't make it easier. I had to face the same fears and anxieties as before. But it felt like the stakes were even higher, because I had even more to lose.
Adopting yet another identity marker like HIV meant I was even more vulnerable to being misunderstood, mistreated, and discriminated against.
Fortunately, I was surrounded by friends and chosen family who supported, loved, and cared for me. I was fortunate. Being welcomed and affirmed is not the case for many in my situation.
This is one reason it's important to have a support system and to find your tribe, as I was eventually able to. Having others who understand what you're experiencing goes a long way in combating feelings of isolation, loneliness, and being misunderstood.
For people of color, having people with an inherent understanding of what you're up against and how to manage it can make all the difference in the world – especially when it comes to HIV and how it requires you to be open to making changes and adjustments.
I've lived most of my adult life at multiple intersections. Doing so can feel empowering, once you accept all of it and figure out a way to use it to your advantage. What that looks like from person to person is guaranteed to be different, depending on your intersections and identity markers.
Leaning into being more vocal and visible about my unique set of experiences became one of my superpowers. Each time I was transparent, it was freeing and liberating. I also was able to be an anchor and positive example for others.
Living with HIV as a person of color can mean facing multiple challenges at the same time, while grappling with all parts of your identity.
Although it takes determination, patience, and grace, finding a way to integrate parts of yourself in ways that work for you can have valuable and long-lasting benefits. Not just for you, but for others who may need to be reminded they're not alone or invisible. Or without agency and power to advocate for themselves.
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