Dear Coleen: Caring for my grandkids is so hard after the death of my husband
It's hard to know where to start. My husband died three years ago. It had been very hard caring for him as well as my grandchildren who lived with us. Their mother walked out of their lives when my granddaughter was seven and my grandson was only five months.
I got legal custody of the children six months after my husband died. We are still private renting and have been on the council housing waiting list for two years, even though we have medical priority, as my grandson, who's four now, is non-verbal autistic.
There is no privacy in our garden, which makes the children anxious, and we're paying huge rent. Caring for my grandson means I can't work and the list goes on. No one seems to understand or care and we have no support from family or friends.
I'm trying so hard to move to another house, one that doesn't hold painful memories of my husband's illness, and make a new start for the three of us. I'm not a spring chicken any more, but I love my grandkids, who keep me young.
I'm not looking for sympathy – I'm strong – but sometimes life feels hard. I will keep fighting for the children and hopefully our luck will change. We will survive somehow, but words of encouragement would be welcome.
Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community!
Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today.
You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland.
No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team.
All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in!
If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'.
We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like.
To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'.
If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice.
Coleen says
You've taken on so much later in your life and you're doing your best for your grandchildren with very little help – you're a superhero in my eyes.
If you hadn't stepped in, the children would have had to go into care. On a practical level, make sure you're getting all the financial help you're entitled to and deserve, as well as any support with your grandson.
Shelter has excellent housing advice and support online, as well as helplines (see shelter.org.uk). And visit nhs.uk/conditions/autism/support for a list of national charities, local support groups and more.
I know it's hard to focus on yourself when you have so much on your plate, but your health and wellbeing are important. See your GP and explain the pressure you're under. They might be able to refer you for some counselling.
Just being able to offload and to talk about your grief would help. You've been through a lot in the past few years and probably haven't had space to grieve for your husband.
You don't say why you have no support from friends or family, but don't be afraid to reach out to people and tell them you need help, respite or just someone to talk to.
Sometimes you just need people to say you're doing great. I'm here to tell you that you're doing an amazing thing for your grandchildren and I hope that life gets a little easier for you all soon.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Record
6 hours ago
- Daily Record
Dear Coleen: Should I tell wife our drunk friend made a pass at me?
'I've always felt an attraction between me and this woman, but neither of us has ever spoken about it and I'm not interested as I love my wife and wouldn't cheat.' I'm a married man in my 30s and I need your advice on a situation with a married female friend of ours. We see and her husband regularly and we're part of a bigger group of friends. The background is that I've always felt an attraction between me and this woman, but neither of us has ever spoken about it and I'm not interested as I love my wife and wouldn't cheat. But a couple of weeks ago, a group of us went to a Greek island for a break and, the night before we left to come home, this woman got quite drunk and cornered me at the bar. She draped herself over me, grabbing my waist and telling me how she's always fancied me. I was worried about someone seeing us, so I guided her back to the lounge. Luckily her husband came over and took her back to their room. She didn't say anything to me at breakfast the next day and hasn't said anything since. I've since found out from another friend that her marriage has been in trouble for a while. I don't know whether to say something to her, but my main concern is I don't want my wife to find out and think there was anything to it. Coleen says Well, maybe she didn't remember or she could have been embarrassed that she had crossed a line. I think you're worrying about this because you know there's some sexual chemistry between you and this woman, but you haven't done anything to feel guilty about. If you don't like hiding it from your wife, then why not say something like, 'I wonder if things are OK in her marriage because she was flirty with me the other night after a few drinks and it was a bit awkward'. Then take a step back from her and her husband socially for a while. Also, maybe give some more thought to why this has unsettled you so much – is it because you are very attracted to this friend and you wanted to act on it, but didn't? Yes, it's a bit embarrassing and it could have been more embarrassing if the others had seen it, but nothing happened. So is this a case of you wrestling with your own conscience because you have feelings for her? Try not to put yourself in a situation where it might happen again and, if it does, then be very clear that you're not interested.
Daily Record
14 hours ago
- Daily Record
Lifeboat crew rescue capsized kayaker in dangerous waters after dramatic call-out
Volunteers raced from a town celebration to save a kayaker clinging to an overturned craft off North Berwick after a dramatic Saturday night call-out. A kayaker was rescued off the coast of North Berwick after being spotted clinging to their overturned craft in choppy waters. The alarm was raised at around 7.30pm on Saturday, July 26, when worried members of the public called the coastguard to report a kayak had capsized near Fidra Island. North Berwick RNLI volunteers rushed from the town's Pipe Band 125th Anniversary celebrations, sprinting through crowds on foot and bike to reach their station. They launched within minutes and, guided by Aberdeen Coastguard Rescue Coordination Centre, were on the scene in just seven minutes, reports EdinburghLive. Volunteer helm Matthew Gibbons said: 'With the glare of the low sun, and the size of the waves the casualty was hard to spot. They had also drifted about half a nautical mile from the first reported position. 'Despite being a little tired from grappling with the slippery kayak for at least half an hour, the casualty was fit and well. We thank the members of the public who called 999 for the Coastguard straight away, which enabled a swift and successful outcome for the casualty.' Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. The kayaker was brought ashore at Yellowcraig Beach and checked over by North Berwick Coastguard Rescue Team before being reunited with family. RNLI chiefs have urged people heading out on the water to always wear a lifejacket, carry a waterproofed means of calling for help, and let someone know their plans.
Daily Record
a day ago
- Daily Record
900 year old carved stone head found on Scottish island in 'find of a lifetime'
The artefact is now being preserved along with other finds from the dig and will be cleaned and eventually put on public display An archaeology student has uncovered what could be a 900-year-old carved sandstone head on the Orkney island of Rousay, in what experts are calling a 'find of a lifetime'. Katie Joss, an undergraduate from the University of the Highlands and Islands (UHI) Archaeology Institute, made the remarkable discovery at Skaill Farm during an excavation of a large wall foundation. As she removed a slab, the intricately carved head tumbled into her hands. 'It was quite a shock,' Joss told the BBC. 'We were removing a slab when the head came rolling out at us and as we turned it around we saw a face looking back at us. It was really exciting.' The object is believed to be crafted from rich red sandstone, complete with yellow inclusions, and is thought to have originated from the island of Eday. According to archaeologists, the stone appears similar to other material used in the nearby St Mary's old parish church. Dr Sarah Jane Gibbon, co-director of the Skaill Farm excavation and part of the UHI Archaeology Institute, expressed her surprise at the detail and craftsmanship of the carving. 'This is such an exciting find,' she said. 'Over the years excavating at Skaill and The Wirk, the nearby hall tower, we have found several interesting moulded pieces of red sandstone but nothing like this!' She described the head as being carved to be viewed from the front at a slight angle, allowing the viewer to appreciate the finely detailed locks of hair on the top of the head. 'The eyes appear closed as there is nothing to indicate pupils,' she said. 'The slight smile and asymmetric eyebrows express real character.' Although the head is largely intact, its nose is broken off. Dr Gibbon said it remains unclear whether the damage was intentional. 'Could this have been done deliberately as an act of iconoclasm or was this accidental?' she wondered. 'It's odd that no other part of the head is damaged.' The style of the eyes has been loosely compared to early phases of the stonework found in St Magnus Cathedral in Kirkwall, though Gibbon noted she 'could find no comparison for the serene expression' captured in the carving. Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. The artefact is now being preserved along with other finds from the dig and will be cleaned and eventually put on public display. The Skaill excavation is now in its tenth year and is located directly over what was once a prominent Norse settlement. The name Skaill comes from the Old Norse word 'skáli', meaning 'hall', and the site is believed to have belonged to the powerful 12th-century Viking chieftain, Sigurd of Westness. The discovery adds to a growing collection of artefacts linked to the Norse occupation of Rousay and may offer further insights into life and artistry in medieval Orkney.
