Toxic ‘Banksying' breakup trend is the cruel new dating stunt that's even meaner than ghosting

New York Post

5 days ago

Hoping that your suddenly sour sweetheart will have a sudden change of heart? Don't Bank on it.
If your partner is slowly but surely becoming emotionally detached from the relationship, chances are you're being 'Banksyed,' experts warn of the new, heartbreaking breakup tactic.
It's a dastardly dumping technique named after Banksy, the elusive street artist. And much like his iconic work, which tends to pop up out of nowhere, victims of the cruel uncoupling stunt typically don't see the surprise split coming.
3 Breakup savants warn daters about the rising 'Banksying' trend, which see folks getting dumped out of the blue.
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'Banksying happens more now, especially with the proliferation of dating apps, where people have developed poor dating etiquette,' Amy Chan, a breakup pro, told USA Today.
'The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock.'
It's a cowardly way to part ways. But, sadly, it seems the gutless guys and gals of today prefer taking the wimpish way out of their romantic commitments.
Tech-savvy 20-somethings of Gen Z are tasking artificial intelligence with drafting 'it's not you, it's me' texts, ending things in writing rather than in-real life. And fans of the buzzy 'cut them off' theory are leaving their unsuspecting honeys high-and-dry, arbitrarily ditching them over petty oversights.
'Last year, I was seeing someone that I really liked and I cut him off because he didn't wish me a safe flight,' an uncaring 'cut 'em'-practitioner bragged online.
Then, of course, there are those grimey, ghastly ghosters, folks who abruptly discontinue all communication with an inamorata or inamorato without a trace.
3 Relationship insiders say Banksying is emotionally manipulative and unfair to the unsuspecting partner in a romantic relationship.
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But Chan says Banskying might be a relationship cruelty 'worse than' ghosting.
'The prevalence of this trend shows how conflict avoidant people have become,' she explained to a TikTok audience of more than 112,000 viewers. 'There's a lack of ability to have uncomfortable, hard conversations, so they do more damage by dragging it out.'
Her Banksyed-burned followers agreed.
'Yup — shattered my itty bitty heart into a million pieces,' confessed a crushed commenter.
'Wow can't believe I got Banksyed,' another exclaimed.
'Isn't this just Quiet Quitting: Relationship Edition?,' a separate spectator wrote, likening the breakup trick to the 'quiet quitting' workplace movement, which sees disgruntled employees making under-the-radar departures from their jobs.
Emma Hathorn, a relationship insider at Seeking.com, says Banksying — although not a totally novel concept — often leaves daters feeling stressed, confused and gaslit.
'Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,' Hathorn told USA Today. 'Previously, there hasn't been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.'
'Emotionally manipulative, emotionally distant — there are plenty of ways that people have tried to define it.'
3 Hathorn says victims of Banksying often feel stressed, confused and gaslit by their exes.
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Chan added that Banksying usually makes the unwitting partner feel 'left in the dark, wondering if the relationship is actually solid or if their concerns about it are justified.'
'They might not be using their words to tell you — but their actions are,' she continued. 'They might lie and say everything is 'fine,' but you also have to exert that you're not 'fine' because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance.'
'Don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they're saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that's completely the opposite,' Chan advised.
Hathorn urged Banskying offenders to simply come clean about their fed-up feelings, rather than do their clueless darlings dirty.
'Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,' she said. 'Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner's time.'