Leisel Jones: Australian Olympic swimming champ in better place after dark day she wanted ‘to end it all'
The Australian Olympic swimming champion said since then she had been inundated with messages of support.
'I just wanted to die in my sleep, I thought that would be the greatest thing I could ever hope for in that moment,' she told the
The Courier-Mail
.
Jones, 39, said on her darkest day she had gone to work usual as a co-host on Triple M Gold Coast breakfast with colleagues Liam Flanagan and Peter 'Spida' Everitt and was feeling ok.
But when she got home things shifted.
'It was a compounding of a lot of things,' she said.
'I think there's a lot of work stress at the moment, I think global issues, all that sort of stuff, nothing in particular.'
She spent hours sobbing as her thoughts fixated on wanting to die, but three powerful words had brought her back from the brink: Stay until tomorrow.
'I had said it before but it was really crucial in that time because I was feeling so low, I was like just stay until tomorrow because you just don't know what tomorrow looks like,' she said.
'You actually don't know if you're going to have the greatest day of your life tomorrow but if you take your life now you will never get it.'
In a post on July 1, the three-time Olympic gold medal winner shared how those three words that kept her alive at her darkest time.
Jones posted two photos, the first of her sitting on stairs with her tear-stained face in her hand, the second was of her in an elevator after an hour-long walk along the beach.
'Stay until tomorrow', she wrote, was one of her favourite sayings.
'Yesterday was one of my worst days and I wanted to end it all. I think I have been battling high functioning depression for a little while now and have just gone back to work with a psych. In the dark moments I promise myself to just stay until tomorrow and it's amazing what the next day can bring.'
She revealed that just 24 hours later she had a far better day.
'Today was spectacular. I had some free time after work and went on an hour long walk along the beach. No goals. No plans. Just enjoy the sunshine and the view. I was really missing my walking buddy @iammeagennay but walking by myself was enough. It changed my whole perspective on things.
'So if life has felt like a kick in the c..t lately, promise me you'll stay until tomorrow.'
Jones' candid words were praised by Lifeline Australia, which commented on her post to say that her revelation could help many others struggling with depression.
In her first interview since then, Jones said she is now feeling happy and calm and was being well supported by family, friends and professional help.
'I don't make this my identity … I have these moments but I have so many other elements of my life that are part of me that are so important,' she told the Courier Mail.
'I am really passionate about talking about it … With depression, it's not always sad sacks that mope about, it impacts some of the most high functioning people who get the job done and do it well and show up on time.
'That's why I said 'high functioning depression' because I still turn up to work, I still do all my things, I still do it with a smile on my face and it's sometimes you just have no clue what someone is going through, they just keep doing it.'
Jones has previously battled depression, which first emerged during the peak of her swimming career when she was in her early 20s.
She was the first Australian swimmer to attend four Olympic Games, launching her spectacular career at just 15 at the Sydney Olympics and then going to the 2004 Athens Olympics, where she was part of the gold-medal winning women's 4x100m relay.
She also won gold for the 100m breaststroke and the 4x100 medley relay at the 2008 Beijing Olympics and had a glittering career that included many other swimming achievements.
Jones said her Instagram post about her close call went 'crazier than I ever expected'.
'Those beautiful messages of people that it's helped, but there were other people that wished they had that saying before,' she said.
'I really had no idea that story was going to impact people and to be so extreme that it might save someone's life.
'I'm not a spokesman, I don't want to be any of that, it's not my whole identity, but if I could save one person's life with three simple words, that means so much to me.'
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