Dowry wrapped in welfare

Express Tribune

16-03-2025

Imagine a hypothetical village where countless impoverished families are suffering under the dominance of a local mafia, which openly extorts money for fulfilling their basic needs. Finally, the state decides to interfere and rescue the oppressed people.
However, contrary to popular expectations, instead of arresting the goons, the state simply gives a cheque to the extorter on behalf of the families and exits the situation, declaring itself a hero. Not much different is the role of the Punjab government in reinforcing the oppressive dowry culture through its Dhee Rani Program.
Launched under the supervision of Chief Minister Maryam Nawaz, the Punjab Dhee Rani Program aims to enable deserving parents to fulfil the socio-religious obligation of their daughter's marriage in a dignified manner. For this, eligible low-income brides will be given a dowry worth Rs206,000 including a wooden double bed with a mattress, mirror, dinner set etc. alongside a separate marriage gift of Rs100,000 disbursed through a debit card. Despite its apparent sense of goodwill, the project has come under fire for indirectly promoting the vice of dowry, which is a major cause of women's subordinated status in the country.
Critiquing the project, Mumtaz Mughal, Director of the Aurat Foundation, believed that it was not the job of the government to get daughters married. 'Such measures will not end poverty. The government should focus on imparting education and skills to girls so that they can become economically independent,' suggested Mughal.
According to Anbreen Ajaib, Executive Director at Bedari, the Dhee Rani Program is a regressive step that reinforces gender stereotypes and diverts attention from the real issues faced by women in Pakistan.
'Instead of facilitating marriages, the government should invest in policies that empower girls through education, employment opportunities, and financial independence. A more progressive approach would be to launch initiatives that support women entrepreneurs, provide scholarships for higher education, and establish job training programs to integrate women into the workforce. The Punjab government should reassess its priorities and redirect resources toward breaking societal barriers that hinder women's progress,' implored Ajaib.
On a similar note, Nida Usman Chaudhry, Head of the Women in Law Initiative and lawyer at the Lahore High Court believed that programs like the Punjab Dhee Rani were tantamount to exacerbating the curse of dowry. 'This initiative might benefit a few hundred women but at the end of the day, it will promote the culture of dowry,' shrugged Chaudhry.
Dowry and the burden of daughters
Try conversing with any destitute beneficiary of a welfare initiative, and just two minutes into the conversation they will highlight the fact that they have two, three or four unmarried daughters or sisters. It's almost as if having unmarried female kin at home is solid evidence for the kind of financial strain they are facing. All thanks to the dowry culture.
'The dowry culture is one of the key factors that reinforces the perception of daughters as financial burdens. Parents often see their daughters' marriages as expensive obligations rather than joyful milestones, leading to widespread gender discrimination even before a girl is born,' observed Ajaib.
According to a report published by the Guttmacher Institute, large demands for dowry and women's low labour force participation in Pakistan, have instigated a widespread culture of son preference, where parents often view daughters as financial burdens, hoping instead to have sons.
'The financial strain of dowry compels families to prioritise having sons, who are seen as assets, while daughters are viewed as liabilities. The societal pressure to provide dowries places undue stress on families, sometimes pushing them into debt. It also increases the likelihood of child marriages, as parents try to 'settle' their daughters early to minimise the financial burden,' said Ajaib.
Likewise, Abdullah Malik, lawyer at the Lahore High Court and leader of the Civil Society Network Pakistan was of the opinion that the culture of hosting big fat weddings was equally to blame for the treatment of women as burdens. 'Therefore, fines should be imposed on those who hold luxury wedding ceremonies. The amount collected should be used to impart skills to low-income women,' opined Malik, who further revealed that he will challenge the Dhee Rani Program in court.
Sexist language and girl's marriage
In the Pakistani society, sexist language is commonly used to shame unmarried girls surpassing their twenties. While some unabashedly talk about women hitting their 'expiration date', others sympathetically highlight their reduced chances of success in the marriage market. However, what one would not expect is the state stepping in and slyly propagating the same misogynistic beliefs by sugarcoating them as welfare.
Citing the primary motivation for the Dhee Rani Program, the Provincial Minister for Social Welfare and Baitul Mal Sohail Shaukat Butt shed light on the fact that 13.5 million low-income girls were apparently 'sitting at home' since their families were unable to fulfil the grooms' demands for dowry. Apart from indirectly reinforcing the dowry culture, the terminology used implied that unmarried women, irrespective of their academic achievements, professional success or personal choice of singlehood, were nothing but a passive burden on their families and the nation.
Surprisingly, such blunt, metaphorical phrases have rarely, if ever, been used by state officials to draw attention to the dilemma of female illiteracy, under which millions of school-aged girls are literally 'sitting at home'. According to a report published by the Pakistan Institute of Education (PIE), more than 11.7 million children are out of school in Punjab, of which 43 per cent, or 5 million are girls.
Anbreen Ajaib, Member of the Global Advisory Group of the Girls Not Brides Alliance, felt that the terminology used by the government reflected a deeply entrenched societal bias that viewed girls primarily as future brides rather than individuals with aspirations and potential.
'Marriage should be a personal choice, not a state-sponsored obligation. If the government genuinely wants to empower women, it should focus on increasing access to quality education, vocational training, and employment opportunities, rather than financing early marriages. The language used is only a reflection of the inveterate belief that marriage is more important than education,' observed Ajaib.
Abandon education, embrace subservience
From insurance companies to household appliance sellers, the arrival of the wedding season is the perfect time to remind anxious parents of the urgent need to alleviate the burdens on their shoulders; their unmarried daughters. In such a scenario, underage daughters with meagre education and minimal bargaining power are often rushed into matrimony, only to spend the rest of their lives in dutiful obedience.
Take for instance the case of Naila. Married to a boy of her father's liking after finishing intermediate, Naila was gaslighted into believing that marriage alone was the ultimate lifetime achievement for women. While the initial glamour of dolling up was good fun, over time the monotony of married life started haunting her. With no school to attend and no career to build, she would spend the entire day performing menial household chores, while simultaneously dodging the snide remarks made by her mother-in-law.
Naila had absolutely no say in the household matters. From what she would eat for lunch to the clothes she would wear for Eid and even the number of children she would have, everything was micro-managed by her husband's family. After all, she was considered too young to make her own decisions. Envying the freedom of her unmarried friends, she too dreamt of escaping her suffocating marriage. Naila's story offers a glimpse into the harsh reality of what lies beyond the façade of a happily ever after.
According to the findings of a study conducted by the World Bank Economic Review in Bangladesh, early marriages have been associated with a significantly reduced bargaining power for the bride in the post-marriage household, hindering her from seeking education, entering the labour force, accessing household income and determining the size of her family alongside negotiating other important aspects of her life. Therefore, the parental decision to marry their daughter's young, restrained their bargaining strength while worsening gender inequality in the household.
'The society's obsession with girls' marriage, rather than education or economic independence, forces many young girls into early marriages, often at the cost of their academic and professional growth. This mind-set not only curtails their career opportunities but also perpetuates economic dependence and gender inequality,' noted Ajaib, who believed that outdated stereotypes stipulating marriage and household management as the primary role of women acted as structural barriers to female education and employment.
According to the Pakistan Demographic and Health Survey (PDHS) 2017-18, the mean age of marriage for women in Pakistan is between 19.4 and 20.0 years while the average age at first pregnancy is 22.8 years. Sadly, at these ages most women have not even completed their undergraduate degrees let alone pursued higher education or developed a career plan.
Analysing wider trends in women's attainment of higher education and their labour force participation, the cultural barriers subduing women's agency are evident. Data obtained from the Pakistan Institute of Developmental Economics (PIDE), showed that just 7.4 per cent of women hold a doctoral degree in Pakistan, compared to 23.4 per cent of men. Similarly, figures from the Asian Development Bank have demonstrated that despite the gradual increase in female employment, only 25 per cent of women take up paid work after graduating from university.
Given such an abysmal scenario, the Punjab government's decision to prioritise spending on girls' marriage as opposed to improving their access to education or facilitating their representation in the economic and political spheres is simply regrettable.
'Financial assistance programs should focus on providing economic relief to families irrespective of gender, and investments should be made in initiatives that enable girls to realise their full potential rather than pushing them into early marriage. It goes without saying that the law against child marriages is already weak in Punjab and despite the directives from the Lahore High Court over revising this law, the government has not taken any steps in this direction. A strong nation is built on empowered women, not on outdated customs that keep them confined to traditional roles,' urged Ajaib.
Trading dreams for gold?
While programs like Dhee Rani are a classic example of misogyny seeping into patriarchal state structures, they are nevertheless a reflection of the broader societal ethos, which convinces even educated parents to trade in their daughters' priceless dreams for a few pricey pieces of gold.
Maheen*, a 22-year old engineer, dreamt of pursuing a career in aerospace engineering. Living in a society where the field of STEM is largely dominated by men, her bent for physics and mathematics had allowed her to not only challenge gender stereotypes but also dream of one day exploring the thrilling mysteries of space and time.
However, her parents had other plans. Every year, on her birthday, she would be gifted a new gold bracelet, ring or necklace, not realising that these lavish tokens of love came at the cost of her childhood dreams. Upon sharing her desire to pursue further studies abroad, she was openly told by her parents that the savings reserved for her were solely for the purpose of collecting gold jewelry for her marriage.
Although Maheen was fortunate to study up until the undergraduate level, for millions of girls across the country, parent's decision to save money for their future dowry as opposed to investing in their education prevents them from finishing even basic schooling. The primary reason behind this mind-set is the pervasive belief that view's daughters' futures solely in terms of marriage.
According to Naveed Rana, a well-known jeweler based in a posh area in Lahore, girls' families belonging to the lower class generally purchase gold jewelry worth Rs0.3 to Rs0.4 million, those from the middle-class spend up to Rs1.4 to Rs1.5 million while those belonging to the elite class end up spending tens of millions of rupees.
'The prioritisation of jewellery over education is deeply rooted in the belief that a girl's ultimate security lies in her marriage and the wealth she carries into it. Interestingly, parents focus on gathering dowry for their daughters, but do not think of giving them their share in inheritance. Furthermore, many parents fear that without sufficient gold and dowry, their daughters will not find suitable matches or will be mistreated by their in-laws. This mind-set must be challenged by shifting the narrative from marriage security to economic security,' revealed Ajaib, an Islamabad-based women's rights activist.
Naseem's* story is here to prove Ajaib's point. Hailing from an affluent family, Naseem got married just after finishing her A 'levels. In order to ensure her financial security, her parents had gifted her gold jewellery amounting to millions of rupees. Some time after marriage, her husband started suffering losses in his business and gradually Naseem had to sell all her jewellery items to pay for her children's school fee or basic household needs.
'If only my parents had invested in my higher education instead of spending so much on gold, I would have had a more sustainable source of income to support my family during the difficult times. No matter how much gold a daughter is given at marriage, it eventually runs out,' regretted Naseem.
Agreeing with Naseem, Ajaib was of the opinion that when a girl was educated, skilled, and financially independent, she did not need gold to secure her future since she could carve her own path.
'Therefore, the government and civil society must run awareness campaigns that highlight success stories of educated women who have excelled in their careers. Additionally, financial incentives for girls' education, scholarships, and career counselling should be promoted to change parental priorities from jewellery accumulation to investment in their daughters' futures,' urged Ajaib.
Battling the dowry culture
Despite popular backlash and various legal rulings, the dowry culture has persisted across the subcontinent, with countless women and their families still battling its dire financial repercussions. While many have resisted the regressive practice through social media and public awareness campaigns, the inherent vagueness in the laws allows the practice to covertly continue.
According to the Dowry and Bridal Gifts (Restriction) Act, passed in 1976, and amended in 2016, no groom or any relative of the groom can demand dowry. However, according to the Act, 'gifts' worth up to Rs50,000 can be given to the bride.
A similar justification was presented by the Minister for Social Welfare, who claimed that the Dhee Rani Program was not promoting dowry but was only offering essential items to the brides as 'gifts'.
'Regardless of what you call the items given on the occasion of marriage, they are still considered dowry and cannot be supported. Therefore, it is better if state resources are spent on the education and skills of girls so that they can become independent,' urged Chaudhry.
On the other side of border, in neighbouring India too, the immutable vice of dowry has persisted despite its criminalisation under the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, giving birth to a host of equally evil customs arising as a response to the oppressive culture.
In the state of Bihar, an amusing yet outrageous practice known as 'pakadwa vivah' or groom kidnapping is allegedly used by girls' families to deal with avaricious grooms, who call off the wedding when their exorbitant demands for dowry are not met. With the help of local goons, the bride's family abducts the defiant groom, coercing him to take the nuptial vows at gun point.
In the case of Muslim-majority Pakistan, Ajaib was of the belief that since Islam explicitly rejects dowry, mandating instead that the husband give mahr to his wife as a symbol of respect and financial security, religious leaders should take a stronger stance against the practice.
'Religious authorities wield significant influence over public opinion and social norms. Unfortunately, many religious leaders remain silent or selectively enforce religious teachings, failing to challenge harmful cultural practices,' she opined.
'To combat the dowry culture, religious institutions should integrate anti-dowry messages into sermons, Friday prayers, and madrasa curriculums while advocating for legislative reforms that penalise dowry demands and encourage marriages based on Islamic principles of mutual respect and consent. Challenging the dowry culture requires systemic efforts, including stricter enforcement of laws against dowry demands, awareness campaigns, and promoting the economic participation of women to shift perceptions about their value in society,' concluded Ajaib, an expert on social justice.
*Names have been changed to protect identity