More than 75,000 singles have taken this annual survey about sex and dating. This year's results are in.

Boston Globe

11-06-2025

WHAT SINGLES WANT
Now for some relationship news. Match just published the results of its
To make things more legit, the company works with experts at the sex-and-relationship-focused Kinsey Institute at Indiana University to ask the right questions, and to make sense of results.
More than 75,000 people have participated in the surveys so far. Match let me see this year's results early – because of my job.
The main takeaways – for me, at least.
Yay to me being in my 40s.
According to Match's summary, 'People in their 40s are in some kind of sexual prime.'
Fan fiction is amazing.
'Twenty-two percent of single women say they're embracing erotic content and fan fiction. Porn remains popular and widely accessible, with 23 percent of Millennials watching several times a week,' the Match data says.
We have gone ALL IN with AI.
The report says 'a growing 26 percent of singles — a staggering 125 percent increase from 2024 — are using AI to enhance their dating lives.' Some people are also having relationships with AI.
A graphic from Match about AI in its Singles in America study.
Match.com
The AI data is the biggest reveal, of course. It's also no surprise.
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But is all of this OK? I consulted the
Kinsey Institute's
,
a social development psychologist, who has focused on relationships and technology.
I asked Gesselman if she thinks it's bad (or a lie) when people use AI to help them with their dating profiles. For the record, I have no problem with it. Geselman is fine with it, too. She said:
'I don't find that to be unethical. I think that in this technological world, in online dating, where everything is so fast-paced, you send messages to people and you may or may not get a response,' she said. 'The use of AI for those first messages, for that first introduction … and especially if people are giving AI a prompt like, 'Hey, here's a person I found on this app that I think is really attractive or really interesting; help me figure out how to word that.' I think that's totally fine.'
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Amanda Gesselman is a social–developmental psychologist at the Kinsey Institute. She's the Head of Research Analytics and Methodology Core there, and the inaugural Anita Aldrich Endowed Research Scientist at Indiana University.
Courtesy Match.com
Gesselman said that yes, more people are using AI for partnership – even in 'robot boyfriend ways.' But who seeks these relationships? Who are the 16 percent of people who have relationships with AI?
'We definitely found that it is more concentrated in the younger singles. So in Gen Z, which is 18 to 26, I believe, one in three of those singles have used AI in that way, and 23 percent of millennials have used it as well. We also found that people who identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, were more likely than heterosexual folks to have used AI as a romantic partner, which is pretty in line with what I found beyond Singles in America.'
This spike in AI relationships does not mean humans want robots instead of other humans, she said.
'There are a lot of media stories out there that are sort of framing the rise of AI, especially in terms of dating, as a scary replacement for human relationships. Like, 'Oh my God, is this going to take over and remove human connection altogether?' And what we found was that people who are using AI, or who have used AI as a romantic partner, are very much still looking for a human partner. It's just that this is serving as a kind of a placeholder for the emotional connection or the sexual connection that they're looking for with another person.'
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Speaking of robot significant others: Sonoya Mizuno and Alicia Vikander in the 2015 British film EX MACHINA, directed by Alex Garland.
Courtesy of A24
I'm all for practice and for any tool that helps us be less lonely.
Also, whenever I freak out about tech, I remember my recent watch of Downton Abbey, where they all freak out because of the
invention of the blender
, and they think the blender will ruin humanity and labor and food, but then everything is OK.
Again, you can dive into the
YOUR STORY, PLEASE.
Love Letters is
accepting submissions
for the next season of
right
, a breakup you powered through, or a lesson you learned about how you love. Basically, we want all the stories.
To submit yours, email it to
MY STORY
in the subject line. (We do feature some guests anonymously, if your story is sensitive.)
We are always taking anonymous letters for the Love Letters advice column.
If you're wondering why you're single, not single, happy, not happy,
learning, or … not learning in a relationship,
TRASH DAY
I'll leave you with a
dramatic, artistic
picture I took during a walk last week.
It's a card that says, 'Happy Valentines' Day. Love, Derek.'
It was flying around on garbage day, amid barrels of waste and an old mattress.
Wherever Derek is,
whoever
Derek is … I hope everyone's OK and living their best lives. Putting positive thoughts into the universe about the Derek situation.
– Meredith
The card says "Happy Valentines Day. Love, Derek." It was next to trash on garbage day. I'm sure it's fine.
Meredith Goldstein