Dear Coleen: Nursery mum is ignoring me and I need to know why
We looked after each other's kids now and again, and we'd have nights at home, setting the world to rights over a couple of glasses of wine.
Dear Coleen
I met another mum through my daughter's nursery and we were good friends for a while.
We looked after each other's kids now and again, and we'd have nights at home, setting the world to rights over a couple of glasses of wine.
I remember thinking how great it was that I'd met someone I clicked with and that our kids were friends, too.
However, over the past few weeks, she's been blanking me and going out of her way to avoid me at drop-offs and pick-ups. It's become really awkward and I've absolutely no idea what I could have done or said to make her behave like this. I'm genuinely mystified.
What do I do? Should I confront her to find out or should I just leave it and accept the friendship is over?
I'd say I'm an easygoing person and I hate confrontation of any kind, but it's driving me mad not knowing what's going on with her.
Plus, we're part of a bigger group of mums that get together with our children, and I don't want my daughter to miss out because I seem to have been excluded.
I've never been in this situation with a friend, so any ideas would be very welcome.
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Coleen says
Well, it might not be down to anything you've said or done – it could be about something in her own life. But you don't have to be confrontational when you ask her.
You could just say 'hello' and go on to say you're worried she's avoiding you and wondered if you'd done something to upset her or if she's just moved on.
Tell her you'd just like to understand what changed for your own peace of mind. But you have to be prepared for the answer.
You haven't been excluded from the group, though.
It seems that she's the only one with a problem, so I don't see why the other mums would fall out with you.
Don't exclude yourself from meet-ups with the kids or feel like you don't belong. You have every right to be there too.
If you ask the question and she's vague or gaslights you then maybe you need to be the one to call time on the friendship.
They shouldn't require this amount of stress and guesswork, and they're not supposed to be hard work.
Look to other people in the group for genuine friendship.
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