Vital statistics for July 18
Brian Charles Metz, 40, and Jennifer Kathleen Bridgeman, 37, both of St. Joseph.
Diego Stiven Gallo Tabares, 30, and Fabiola Madeley Pena Prieto, 29, both of St. Joseph.
Zachary Taylor Rockstead, 31, and Alli Lynn Heyde, 25, both of Stanberry, Missouri.
Daniel Joseph Hanlan, 64, and Anita Claire Lehr, 58, both of St. Joseph.
Yunier Hernandez Corona, 40, and Niurka Aguero Perez, 51, both of St. Joseph.
William McHenry Graebe, 43, and Jessica Elaine McKinney, 40, both of St. Joseph.
Stone Patrick Hoover, 26, and Alexis Leigh Stanton, 24, both of Country Club, Missouri.
Randy Lee Rogers, 39, and Nakia Marie Noble, 45, both of St. Joseph.
Brenton Glee Sill, 26, and Natalie Ann Lemmon, 32, both of St. Joseph.
Michael James Hughes, 54, and Stephanie Pleshette Robertson, 45, both of St. Joseph.
Payton Duane Olson, 20, and Tristina Catheleen Cooper, 21, both of St. Joseph.
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Yahoo
17 hours ago
- Yahoo
15 Things Wives Keep Quiet About—Until It's Too Late To Fix
Relationships are all about communication, but sometimes, certain things get swept under the rug. Whether it's to avoid conflict or because it just seems easier in the moment, wives can sometimes hold back on what's truly bothering them. As time passes, these small issues can grow into insurmountable problems. Here are 15 things wives often keep quiet about until it's too late to fix. This list aims to shine a light on what might be lurking unspoken in your relationship. 1. Feeling Underappreciated It's easy to take each other for granted, especially when life gets busy. If you don't express your appreciation for what your wife does, she might start feeling undervalued. While you might think she knows you appreciate her, over time, a lack of acknowledgment can create a sense of resentment. Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of small acts of appreciation to maintain a healthy partnership. It's crucial to make her feel seen and valued before she starts feeling invisible in the relationship. When appreciation isn't communicated, wives often keep mum about it, thinking it might seem trivial. However, this can lead to a build-up of negative emotions. Eventually, she might reach a breaking point where she feels completely taken for granted. Before it gets there, make it a habit to voice your gratitude, regardless of how small the act. Doing so not only strengthens the bond but also encourages her to express her own gratitude. 2. Needing More Personal Space Everyone needs personal space, and sometimes wives might need more than they're getting. It's not about wanting to be away from you; it's about recharging and having some much-needed alone time. If she's always in the role of a wife, mother, or professional without time for herself, she might feel overwhelmed. She may not voice this need directly, fearing it might be misinterpreted as wanting distance from you. This can eventually lead to burnout and a sense of suffocation in the relationship. You might notice subtle signs like her staying up later just to enjoy some quiet time. Or maybe she takes longer-than-usual errands as a way to take a breather. Encourage her to take time for herself and reassure her that it's okay to prioritize personal space. This can be as simple as supporting her hobbies or giving her a weekend to herself. By respecting her need for solitude, you show that you trust and respect her individuality. 3. Lack Of Emotional Connection Emotional connection is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but it's easy to let it slip. Wives might feel their emotional needs aren't being met when communication becomes purely logistical. Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading psychologist in emotional therapy, stresses that couples should engage in regular emotional check-ins to maintain closeness. Without that emotional intimacy, she might feel like she's living with a roommate rather than a partner. She might not voice it immediately, especially if she's trying to keep the peace. Over time, the emotional gap can widen, making it harder to bridge. Simple gestures like asking how her day was or taking an interest in her feelings can go a long way. If you're always talking about tasks and schedules, you're missing out on connecting at a deeper level. Make an effort to genuinely listen and empathize with her experiences. This intentionality can rekindle the emotional bond and make her feel understood and valued. 4. Concerns About Finances Money is a common stressor in relationships, and she might have concerns she's not voicing. Whether it's spending habits, saving goals, or planning for the future, these issues can weigh heavily on her mind. She might keep silent to avoid conflict or because she feels the conversation will go nowhere. This silence can eventually lead to bigger financial troubles or resentment over perceived irresponsibility. It's essential to create a safe space where financial concerns can be discussed openly. Make it a regular habit to talk about finances without judgment. Approach it as a team, focusing on shared goals and how you can achieve them together. This approach not only addresses immediate concerns but also builds trust. When she sees that her input is valued and acted upon, she's more likely to speak up in the future. A united front when it comes to money can also prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on. 5. Changes In Physical Intimacy Physical intimacy is a crucial part of a healthy relationship, but it's not uncommon for it to change over time. Wives might not always speak up when they're feeling disconnected physically, fearing it might hurt your feelings. Research from the Kinsey Institute highlights that open communication about sexual needs and changes is key to maintaining a satisfying intimate life. If she's silent, it's likely because she finds the topic sensitive or fears confrontation. However, ignoring the issue doesn't make it go away. Pay attention to subtle cues she might be giving about her needs or discomfort. Initiate open and honest conversations about intimacy without making it awkward or confrontational. When both partners feel safe to express their desires and concerns, it can lead to a more fulfilling physical relationship. Encourage her to share her feelings and be receptive to making changes. By addressing this openly, you can rekindle the spark and ensure both partners are satisfied. 6. Desire For Shared Responsibilities In any partnership, sharing responsibilities is essential, but sometimes the balance can be off. Wives often stay silent about the unequal load they're carrying, either because they assume it's expected or to avoid tension. However, this imbalance can lead to burnout and resentment over time. She might feel as though she's managing everything alone, which isn't sustainable in the long run. Before it reaches a tipping point, have an honest discussion about how tasks can be divided more equitably. Recognize the efforts she puts into managing day-to-day activities, whether it's work, home, or both. Offer to take on some of the responsibilities or find a system that works for both of you. When tasks are shared, it not only eases her burden but also strengthens your partnership. Be proactive in recognizing areas where you can contribute more. This teamwork approach shows her that you're committed to an equal partnership. 7. Feeling Stuck In The Routine Life can get monotonous, and it's easy to fall into a routine that feels more like a rut. Wives might hesitate to express their boredom or desire for change, worrying it might come off as dissatisfaction with the relationship. Yet, according to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and author, introducing novelty and surprises into your relationship can boost happiness and satisfaction. If she's not speaking up, she might be hoping you'll notice and initiate a change. Over time, this silence can lead to a lack of excitement and enthusiasm in the relationship. Observe if she seems less engaged or indifferent about activities you once enjoyed together. Break the routine by planning spontaneous outings or trying new activities. Encourage her to express what she'd like to explore or incorporate into your lives. By being open to change and variety, you breathe new life into the relationship. This proactive approach keeps things fresh and exciting, ensuring neither of you feels trapped in monotony. 8. Health Concerns Health is a sensitive topic, and she might hesitate to share concerns out of fear or denial. Whether it's physical or mental health, she might underplay symptoms, thinking they're not serious or that they'll worry you. However, unaddressed health issues can worsen, affecting both her well-being and the relationship. It's important to encourage open discussions about health without judgment or dismissal. This ensures that both partners are informed and can support each other effectively. If you notice changes in her energy levels or mood, gently ask how she's feeling. Offer to accompany her to medical appointments or help with researching information. This shows her that you're invested in her health and willing to support her through any challenges. By creating a safe space for these conversations, she feels more comfortable addressing her health needs. Early intervention can prevent small issues from becoming major problems. 9. Differences In Parenting Style Parenting differences can be a source of tension, but they often go unspoken. Wives might stay quiet about their frustrations, fearing it'll lead to conflict or undermine your authority. However, unresolved differences can lead to confusion and inconsistency for the children. It's crucial to have an open dialogue about parenting styles and find common ground. This collaboration ensures that both partners are on the same page and presenting a united front. Discuss your values and priorities when it comes to raising your children. Find areas where you agree and focus on those as a foundation for your parenting approach. Acknowledge each other's strengths and weaknesses and support each other in areas that need improvement. By addressing these differences, you create a more harmonious environment for both your relationship and your family. This proactive approach prevents misunderstandings and fosters a strong partnership in parenting. 10. Unmet Career Ambitions Career ambitions can often take a backseat, especially when juggling family responsibilities. Your wife might not voice her aspirations if she feels it might disrupt the status quo or add pressure. However, stifling career goals can lead to dissatisfaction and regret over time. Encourage her to pursue her professional dreams, regardless of the challenges. By supporting her ambitions, you're affirming her identity beyond the relationship. Ask about her career goals and how you can help her achieve them. Whether it's offering practical support or emotional encouragement, show her that you're invested in her success. This validation can boost her confidence and motivation to pursue her dreams. Celebrate her achievements and acknowledge the effort she puts into balancing various roles. By encouraging her ambitions, you foster a relationship built on mutual respect and support. 11. Feeling Disconnected From Friends Social connections play a crucial role in emotional well-being, yet wives might not always voice when they're feeling isolated from friends. She might prioritize family or work, leaving little time for her social life. This disconnection can lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. Encourage her to nurture her friendships and make time for social activities. By supporting her social life, you're acknowledging the importance of her individual connections. Offer to handle family responsibilities so she can spend time with friends. Encourage her to schedule regular catch-ups or join social groups. This involvement not only enriches her life but also brings fresh perspectives into your relationship. By valuing her friendships, you show that you care about her happiness and well-being outside of just the partnership. This support reinforces the idea that she doesn't have to choose between her relationship and her social life. 12. Concerns About Aging Aging is a natural process, but it can bring about insecurities and concerns. Your wife might hesitate to express these fears, worrying about appearing vain or insecure. However, these feelings are valid and can impact her self-esteem and outlook on life. Offer reassurance and support as she navigates these changes. By acknowledging her concerns, you validate her feelings and strengthen your emotional connection. Engage in open conversations about aging and the changes that come with it. Share your own feelings and experiences to create a sense of solidarity. Encourage self-care and activities that boost confidence, whether it's fitness, hobbies, or new experiences. By focusing on a healthy lifestyle together, you promote a positive perspective on aging. This partnership approach fosters a sense of support and understanding, easing the anxieties that come with growing older. 13. Lack Of Shared Interests Over time, it's common for couples to drift apart in their interests and hobbies. Your wife might not voice her concern about the lack of shared activities, thinking it's a natural progression. However, having common interests is important for maintaining a connection and fun in the relationship. Make an effort to explore shared hobbies or discover new ones together. By prioritizing shared activities, you keep the relationship dynamic and engaging. Discuss what activities you both enjoy and make time for them regularly. Whether it's cooking, hiking, or taking a class together, find ways to bond over common interests. This shared time fosters closeness and creates lasting memories. Be open to trying new things and stepping out of your comfort zone together. This openness not only enriches your relationship but also enhances your personal growth. 14. Emotional Labor Burnout Emotional labor involves the unseen efforts in managing relationships and household dynamics. Your wife might shoulder a significant portion of this labor, often without acknowledgment. Over time, this can lead to burnout and resentment, especially if she feels her efforts go unnoticed. Recognize the emotional work she puts into maintaining harmony and take steps to share the load. This acknowledgment and support can prevent emotional exhaustion and strengthen your partnership. Start by recognizing and appreciating the emotional labor involved in your relationship. Offer to take on tasks that require emotional investment, like planning events or managing family dynamics. Encourage open discussions about how you can support each other emotionally. This collaboration not only eases her burden but also fosters a sense of teamwork. By valuing emotional labor, you show that you respect and appreciate her contributions to the relationship. 15. Unspoken Expectations Every relationship has unspoken expectations, but when they're not addressed, they can lead to disappointment. Your wife might have expectations regarding behavior, milestones, or roles that she hasn't vocalized. If these expectations are unmet, it can lead to frustration and disillusionment. Encourage open dialogue about each other's expectations and how they can be met. This transparency fosters understanding and prevents misunderstandings. Initiate conversations about what you both expect from the relationship. Discuss future goals, roles, and how you envision your partnership evolving. This openness creates a shared vision and aligns your efforts toward common objectives. By addressing unspoken expectations, you prevent assumptions and build a stronger foundation. This proactive approach ensures both partners feel heard and valued, fostering a harmonious relationship. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
17 hours ago
- Yahoo
15 Subtle Things Great Husbands Do That Most Wives Don't Appreciate Enough
When it comes to marriage, the day-to-day often overshadows the little details. You know, those subtle actions that might fly under your radar but make a world of difference in a relationship. While grand gestures are always appreciated, great husbands excel at the understated. These are the things that don't always get noticed but are worth recognizing. Here are 15 subtle things that great husbands do, even if they often go unappreciated. 1. They Listen Actively When You're Speaking Active listening sounds straightforward, but it carries weight in a relationship. A great husband listens not just with his ears but with his entire presence. He's not nodding absent-mindedly while staring at his phone; he's engaged, catching the nuances of what you're saying. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, couples who practice active listening are more likely to have stronger connections and fewer misunderstandings. So the next time he nods understandingly or asks follow-up questions, remember that he's making an effort to truly hear you. Active listening is more than just verbal exchanges; it's about emotional connectivity. When he listens with intent, he's validating your feelings and acknowledging your thoughts as valuable. Even when conversations are mundane or seemingly trivial, his focus demonstrates respect and appreciation. Over time, this consistent act of listening can solidify trust, creating a foundation that's hard to shake. It's an art form in marriage that deserves more appreciation. 2. They Share The Daily Chores We all know chores aren't glamorous, but they are essential. A great husband knows this and doesn't shy away from pitching in without being asked. He's not waiting for you to point out the overflowing laundry basket or the dirty dishes piling up. Instead, he sees a shared home as a shared responsibility and takes action. This small gesture of equality reflects a partnership that values teamwork over traditional roles. When a husband actively participates in household chores, it sends a powerful message of respect. It shows that he values your time equally to his own and sees the home as a mutual endeavor. More than just helping out physically, it alleviates mental load, preventing burnout. Over time, this consistent sharing of chores adds up, creating a smoother, more balanced daily life. And while it might go unnoticed amid the chaos of daily life, it's a silent affirmation of equality. 3. They Offer Unprompted Compliments Compliments that come out of the blue can brighten anyone's day. A great husband will notice details and express appreciation without waiting for a special occasion. Whether it's acknowledging a new hairstyle or appreciating the everyday things you do, these comments are heartfelt and spontaneous. According to a study by Dr. Laura Berman, small expressions of gratitude and admiration can dramatically enhance relationship satisfaction. When he offers these genuine words, it's a reminder that he notices and values you. Compliments are not just about flattery; they're about acknowledgment. When he takes the time to speak up, it's his way of affirming his affection and admiration. Even if you brush them off as casual remarks, they are moments of connection. These little verbal hugs can fortify the emotional bond between you, reinforcing the love that sometimes gets lost in daily routines. It's easy to undervalue these moments, but they're a crucial part of a thriving relationship. 4. They Give You Space When You Need It Marriage doesn't mean you're joined at the hip; personal space is vital. A great husband understands this and respects your need for me-time. Whether it's letting you unwind with a book or encouraging you to meet friends, he's aware that time alone can rejuvenate. He knows that a healthy marriage allows for two whole people to flourish individually. When he gives you this space, he's showing trust and respect for your autonomy. Respecting boundaries isn't a sign of distance or disinterest. Rather, it's a form of love that appreciates your individuality. Allowing each other the freedom to grow separately can lead to stronger unity. This balancing act of togetherness and independence is often overlooked but is key to a sustainable relationship. So, the next time he encourages you to take a break or pursue your interests, know that he values your happiness and well-being. 5. They're Physically Affectionate It's easy to think of physical affection as something reserved for date night, but great husbands know it belongs in everyday life too. A simple touch on the shoulder, a quick kiss goodbye, or holding hands while walking can speak volumes. Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, emphasizes that these small acts of affection can have profound effects on emotional security. When he reaches out to hold your hand, it's more than a gesture; it's a nonverbal way of saying, "I'm here for you." Physical affection is more than just maintenance; it's sustenance for the soul. These little touches are powerful reminders of the bond you share. They're not about grand romantic gestures but about reassuring presence. When physical affection becomes a natural part of your daily routine, it strengthens the emotional connection. Though easy to overlook, these moments of contact are invaluable in maintaining intimacy. 6. They Encourage And Support Your Dreams A great husband doesn't just support your dreams; he champions them. Whether you're starting a new career, going back to school, or picking up a hobby, he's in your corner. He celebrates your successes and stands by you through setbacks. In doing so, he shows that your aspirations are just as important as his own. This type of encouragement can be the catalyst for achieving goals that once seemed out of reach. Support goes beyond verbal affirmations. It might mean taking on more responsibilities at home or offering a listening ear when you're in doubt. This unwavering support builds a safety net in which you feel secure to take risks. It's a partnership where both people feel empowered to chase their dreams. When he makes space for your growth, it's a testament to his love and confidence in your potential. 7. They Pay Attention To Details Small details can make a big difference, and a great husband notices them. Whether it's remembering your favorite coffee order or noting an upcoming appointment, he's tuned in. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a social psychologist, states that small acts of attention contribute significantly to relationship satisfaction. Being mindful of these details shows that he cares about your likes, dislikes, and daily life. It's not just about remembering facts; it's about understanding you on a deeper level. Mindful attention to details might seem trivial, but it's a form of love. It signifies that he values you enough to remember the things that matter to you. This attention paves the way for more meaningful interactions. It's a subtle but powerful way to demonstrate commitment and care. The next time he surprises you with your favorite snack or rearranges his schedule for your plans, recognize it as an act of love. 8. They're Open And Honest Honesty isn't just about being truthful; it's about being transparent. A great husband knows that openness is the bedrock of trust. He shares his thoughts, feelings, and even his vulnerabilities. It's not always easy, but he understands that honesty paves the way for authentic connection. This willingness to be open and transparent creates an environment where both people feel safe to express themselves. Being honest doesn't mean being hurtful. It requires a delicate balance of truth and empathy. When he communicates openly, he's building a bridge rather than a barrier. This form of honesty fosters a climate of trust that sustains the relationship. While it might not always be comfortable, it's vital for long-term harmony and mutual respect. 9. They Manage Conflict Constructively Conflict is inevitable, but the way it's handled makes all the difference. A great husband approaches disagreements with the intent to resolve, not to win. He listens, he compromises, and most importantly, he respects your perspective. This approach shows maturity and commitment to the relationship. Instead of letting issues fester, he sees them as opportunities for growth and understanding. Constructive conflict management is about finding solutions, not blame. It's about recognizing that both people have valid feelings and working together to address them. When he approaches conflicts this way, he's investing in the health of the relationship. It's a subtle yet profound way of showing that he values the partnership. Over time, this practice creates a resilient bond grounded in mutual respect and understanding. 10. They're Always Present In Your Company In an age of distractions, being present is a gift. A great husband knows that quality time is about more than just being in the same room. He's not half-listening while scrolling through emails or checking sports scores. Instead, he makes an effort to engage, whether you're discussing the day's events or enjoying a shared hobby. This presence shows that he values your time together and prioritizes it. Being present doesn't require grand gestures or elaborate plans. It's about making the most of every moment you share. By being fully engaged, he's strengthening the connection and reinforcing the partnership. This effort can easily go unnoticed, but it speaks volumes about his commitment. When he puts away distractions and focuses on you, it's a reminder that you are his priority. 11. They Think Your Flaws Are Cute Nobody's perfect, and a great husband knows this. He accepts you for who you are, flaws and all. There's no judgment, just an understanding that everyone has imperfections. This acceptance fosters a safe space where you can be yourself without fear of criticism. It's a quiet reassurance that you're loved just the way you are. Acceptance is not about tolerating but embracing. It's about seeing the whole picture and appreciating it in its entirety. When he accepts your quirks and idiosyncrasies, he's showing unconditional love. This acceptance builds a stable foundation where both people feel valued. In the grand scheme of things, this simple act of acceptance can be transformative. 12. They Tell Jokes To Make You Laugh Laughter is often the best medicine for a relationship. A great husband knows how to lighten the mood with a well-timed joke or a funny story. It's not about being a comedian but about finding joy in everyday moments. This ability to bring lightness into your lives is a valuable asset. Laughter can diffuse tension and create bonds that words alone can't. Humor adds layers to your relationship, making it richer and more resilient. It's like a shared language that only the two of you understand. When he encourages laughter, he's investing in emotional well-being. This light-heartedness creates a positive atmosphere, where challenges seem more manageable. Even if it's easy to overlook, the gift of laughter is one of the most enduring gifts he offers. 13. They Love Your Independence While togetherness is essential, so is independence. A great husband supports your need to have a life outside of the relationship. He understands the importance of personal growth and encourages you to pursue your interests. Whether it's a night out with friends or a solo adventure, he doesn't see it as a threat but as an opportunity for you to grow. This support signifies trust and respect for your individuality. Supporting independence doesn't mean distancing. It's about nurturing a healthy balance between togetherness and personal space. When he encourages you to explore your interests, he's reinforcing the idea that your happiness matters. This freedom allows you both to bring more to the relationship. Recognize this as a sign of a mature, loving partnership where both people are celebrated. 14. They Show Up Consistently Consistency might not seem glamorous, but it's crucial. A great husband knows that love is not just about big gestures but about showing up day in and day out. He's reliable, making an effort to be there in both good times and bad. This consistency creates a sense of security, grounding the relationship. It's a subtle but powerful way of showing that he's committed for the long haul. Consistency isn't about being predictable; it's about being dependable. When he's consistent, he's building trust and stability. This reliability forms the backbone of a strong partnership, creating a safe space for both people. While it might not always be flashy, this steadiness is invaluable. It allows you to focus on growing together rather than worrying about where you stand. 15. They Validate What You Say Being a good listener is more nuanced than it seems. A great husband doesn't just hear you; he empathizes and validates your experience. He doesn't rush to offer solutions but takes the time to understand your perspective. This listening goes beyond words, acknowledging emotions and fostering genuine connection. It's a skill that enhances intimacy and strengthens the relationship. Listening is not about being passive; it's an active engagement. When he listens well, he's creating a dialogue where both people feel heard and valued. This act of attentiveness is a silent yet significant testament to his commitment. Over time, these moments of understanding can transform the relationship, building deeper bonds. While it might not always be apparent, being a great listener is a cornerstone of a thriving marriage. Solve the daily Crossword
New York Times
20 hours ago
- New York Times
The Relationship Advice Couples Counselors Swear By
Every relationship is unique — a delicate ecosystem influenced by partners' pasts, preferences and particular foibles. And yet therapists who spend their days talking to couples say they tend to see and hear the same issues come up again and again: Partners who struggle to reconnect after arguments; lose their sense of levity and play; or fall into patterns, without taking the time to understand them. We reached out to several couples therapists, with that in mind, to ask: What's one piece of advice you find yourself repeating? What's one relationship lesson you swear by? What's one truism you wish more couples understood? Here's what they told us. (Let us know what you think about the advice, and add your own in the comments.) 1. Managing your differences is crucial. Many factors determine whether a partnership is a happy one, but the central task of a relationship is learning to manage differences, according to Anthony Chambers, a psychologist and the chief academic officer of the Family Institute at Northwestern University. Dr. Chambers believes that getting good at managing differences — whether over daily annoyances, or bigger expectations, desires and communication preferences — boils down to three things: flexibility, curiosity and humility. Flexible couples 'approach interactions not with the perspective of trying to prove that they are right and their partner is wrong, but rather with the mind set of realizing there are multiple ways we can address our differences,' Dr. Chambers said, adding that partners 'need to keep in mind that there is a low correlation between being right and being happy!' Couples who are good at managing their inevitable differences tend to experience higher relationship satisfaction, he said. Couples who aren't, struggle. It's not the stuff of Hallmark cards, but it is foundational. 2. Bouncing back is a skill. Couples that argue can still be quite happy and connected if they are good at 'repair,' or reconnecting after conflict, said Lauren Fogel Mersy, a psychologist and sex therapist based in Minnesota, and the author of 'Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.' Repair is all about processing what happened and coming back from it in healthy, effective ways, she said. Her clients often take for granted that they are good at repair, but it is actually a skill people need to learn. Partners have different ways they like to regroup after a disagreement. For instance, do you generally like to take a cool-down break? Does physical touch tend to help or make things worse? Are your apologies genuine and effective? You and your partner might not necessarily need the same repair, but talking about your preferences in calmer moments can help foster understanding when conflict inevitably arises. 3. Feelings > facts. Proving that you're right might feel like a worthy and satisfying goal in the midst of a disagreement. But couples who get overly focused on facts can easily get stuck in an attack-defend pattern, said Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist in Illinois and the author of 'Loving Bravely.' It ultimately serves the relationship more to try to get curious about what your partner is feeling and why they might be viewing a particular situation so differently from you, she said. 'When we focus on the facts, we are primed for debate, it's me versus you,' Dr. Solomon explained. 'When we focus on the feelings, we're primed for dialogue.' 4. Taking turns is an overlooked skill. Parents and teachers spend a lot of time teaching young children how to take turns during playtime and conversation, but couples often forget that very basic skill, said Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Bozeman, Mont., and the author of 'Secure Love.' It sounds simple, but couples who neglect to take turns have a tendency to start talking over each other, Ms. Menanno said. 'Nobody's being heard. Nobody's listening. Everybody's taking the mic,' she said, adding that couples 'get stuck in whose needs matter more and who gets to hurt the most.' Every couple she works with has to learn or relearn how to take turns, Ms. Menanno said. Some basics: Look to have conversations when you're feeling calm and regulated, listen when your partner is speaking and paraphrase what you heard, asking if they want to elaborate. 5. Sliding and deciding are not the same thing. Galena Rhoades, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Denver and co-author of 'Fighting For Your Marriage' (the fourth edition), often reminds couples that there is a big difference between passively 'sliding' into circumstances — everything from how often you have sex to where you want to live — and proactively deciding what is right for the relationship. Dr. Rhoades has found that understanding the difference can be empowering to couples — a reminder that they can be more deliberate about issues big and small, even if they have been doing things a certain way for years. 'You don't have to stay on that kind of coasting trajectory where you're just sliding through things together,' she said. 'You can change your approach and be more intentional.' 6. Happy couples never stop playing together. Play and laughter can soothe the nervous system, helping you cope with stress and bring your best self to the relationship. Those activities can sometimes fizzle out over time between couples, said Stephen Mitchell, a psychotherapist in Denver and co-author of 'Too Tired to Fight.' 'People underestimate the power of humor in terms of helping couples feel connected and helping them work through challenging moments,' Dr. Mitchell said. He often urges his clients to look diligently for opportunities to have fun together. Small things can suffice: send a silly text, cultivate inside jokes or plan a surprise date. 7. You probably already know what to do. If you can get in touch with your genuine wants and needs, you may find the keys to improving your relationship, though it can take real courage to act on them. Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counselor in Portland, Ore., who runs the popular social media account Therapy Jeff, said that sometimes his job as a therapist is simply to reassure people searching for answers in a relationship that they already know the solution. 'You know if it's working or it's not working,' he said. 'You know what conversations you've been avoiding. You know what you're settling for.' It can help to ask yourself something like: If my best friend or son or daughter was in the situation I'm in now, what advice would I give? (Sometimes, he said, the answer might be: See a couples therapist.) 8. Working on your own stress is a boon for your partner. Going through a rocky stretch in your relationship likely adds stress to your life. But consider the flip side — if you're not managing the stress in your life, it is likely spilling over into your relationship. Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia and the author of the book ''Til Stress Do Us Part,' said that when partners don't work to mitigate their own stress, it can cause a relationship disconnect. You become irritable, withdrawn, short with each other. That can lead to more arguments or cause you each to retreat, creating greater emotional distance. Ms. Earnshaw teaches couples a system she calls the stress spillover system. Together, they make a list of stressors, then put them into three baskets: Those they can shed (stressors they can and likely should eliminate), those they can prevent (usually with more planning) and those they can neither avoid nor plan for better, and therefore simply must adapt to. 'When people are mismanaging their stress they are also more likely to become 'self focused,' which means they will think of their own needs and agenda more than their partner's,' she said.
