First openly gay GRA President encourages force members to be honest about ‘who they are' after ‘difficult' years hiding
THE first openly gay president of the Garda Representative Association has revealed how he was married to the mother of their two teenage children when he came out.
Mark O'Meara today takes the courageous step of telling his story to encourage other members of the force not to fear being "open and honest about who they are".
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The GRA President, photographed in his office, has issued an encouraging message for other force members
Credit: CONOR Ó MEARÁIN
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The Garda Representative Association have been accepting of his sexuality
Credit: Collect
His decision to speak also comes ten years on from the Marriage Referendum, after which he found new love and is now remarried with his husband Rory, while also maintaining a really positive friendship with his ex-wife and two children.
It's a far cry from when he was left really struggling, battling with the weight on his shoulders he felt from his
O'Meara explained: "Having hidden my sexuality most of my life, I think now that I can be open and honest on how difficult that time of my life was.
"I have no doubt so too do many other
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"It's not being the real you, the complete you, that affects your relationships with others, in my case it was with my ex-wife and our two children.
"I'm not saying we didn't have a good
"But it could have been so much more, particularly for my kids, who no matter how much they deny it, had to find it so very difficult and upsetting, and I'm still very conscious of that.
"I was lucky in so many ways that my wife and
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Originally from Thurles in Co
From an early age, O'Meara knew he was 'different' but didn't know how to label it because it was a time in
Gardai roll out new tool in crackdown on e-scooters
After secondary school, he moved to
After some bar work and other random jobs, he signed up for the
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It was in the
O'Meara said: "Sexuality wasn't an issue for me at that point. From memory, it had no relevance to me at that time at all.
"I had no doubts that I wanted to get married."
Following almost nine years based in England's capital, he and his wife returned to Ireland as he joined the
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They lived a happy life and had two children together, but as time passed, O'Meara's sexuality began to take its toll.
It affected his confidence and how he put himself forward, describing it as one of the most difficult things he has had to grapple with in life.
'MARRIAGE BEGAN TO SUFFER'
He explained: "It only became an issue for me years later after the birth of our second child but I just put it to the back of my mind and had more or less resigned myself to my life with my wife and kids and that was it.
"We were such good friends so I just thought that sexuality wouldn't be an issue and we would grow old together, and in my mind then I thought my sexuality would have been something in my past.
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"Things just started to fragment over time and the marriage began to suffer and we took the difficult decision to separate.
"I think at that point I just knew I would have to walk away, the pressures were affecting me both physically and mentally.
"We tried
"That was the most difficult part, but funnily enough it was the news of the breakdown of the marriage that hurt them most, whereas the news of my sexuality seemed to be insignificant in comparison for them."
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While the separation and divorce was "very difficult" for the
'HAPPY RELATIONSHIP'
In 2015, O'Meara met his partner Rory, who his children see as their "second dad", and the couple later wed.
He added: "My ex-wife and I enjoy a close relationship and we talk regularly. I was lucky to meet someone, and after the marriage referendum I married my husband Rory, in August 2018.
"My ex-wife and our children were at the
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There was no "big reveal" of O'Meara's sexuality to his friends or community but eventually people became aware and he told some colleagues at work, who he got great support from.
O'Meara explained: "I was attached to the
"But I never once witnessed any homophobic or masochistic attitudes towards me.
"In fact it was quite the opposite and they were hugely, hugely supportive towards me. I think like myself, many of them forgot I was gay because it became so insignificant that it made no difference whatsoever.
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"I think what was important to them was that I was still the same person and that I hadn't changed and I was still 'Mark', but Mark just happened to be gay.
"I was stationed in Cahir in South Tipperary for 17 years before the College and again, when I came out, all I've ever had is support and never judgement. I've done enough of that to myself over my lifetime, so I'm grateful others haven't judged me."
'BE YOURSELF'
O'Meara also told how his sexuality has never affected his career or work with the GRA, which represents over 11,000 rank and file garda members.
He added: "It's never been an issue. Being the first openly gay President of the Association hasn't caused me any difficulties."
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Asked if he had any advice for members who are struggling like he once did, he said: "I came from a completely different generation in many ways to the younger members, but still I personally never had to deal with any negative experience, repercussions or hostility for my sexuality.
"Clearly I cannot speak for every one of my colleagues around my age. But I think for younger members, I certainly hope that it is less of an issue for them. For those that believe it is an issue, I would appeal to them to 'just be yourself, be yourself and be proud of your sexuality.
"Don't shy away from it, and please don't cause yourself any unnecessary mental and physical anguish and pain over the years.
"Our sexuality, whatever it is, is a proud part of us all, but it doesn't, nor should it, define us."
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Mark O'Meara married his partner Rory in 2018
Credit: Collect
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Mark revealed his children view his husband as a 'second dad'
Credit: CONOR Ó MEARÁIN
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