Modern couples are choosing to live separately

Time of India

6 days ago

Representative image/iStock
Couples are choosing to stay happily married but under separate roofs. A romantic arrangement of the West is now gradually being adopted by Indian couples. Mansi Shah and her husband, married for over 10 years, have lived in different cities for the past three years.
Mitali Ambekar, married for over seven years, has lived apart from her husband for five years. While Mansi says their jobs in different cities made living apart necessary, Mitali explains, 'My partner is in the armed forces, and with the unpredictability of his postings, I chose not to relocate.
Plus, my career as a stylist is based in Mumbai.'
What is LAT
LAT, or 'Living Apart Together,' is a form of relationship where committed partners live separately.
Those in such relationships are often called 'apartners'.
'Urban Indian couples are increasingly recognising that love doesn't always mean sharing a roof 24/7. It can also entail sharing values, vision, and emotional safety, all while allowing each other space to breathe.'
—
Esha Bhardwaj, emotional wellness coach and therapist
A growing trend in the west
According to Esha Bhardwaj, emotional wellness coach and therapist, 'LAT gained attention in the West in the late 20th century, but its relevance grew post-pandemic as people prioritised mental health, and personal space. Hollywood celebrities like
Gwyneth Paltrow
, Sarah Paulson and Sheryl Lee Ralph have also openly talked about living separately from their partners, in the past.
Why couples opt for LAT
Many couples today choose to live separately. For Mansi and Mitali, work commitments led to LAT, allowing them and their partners to focus on careers, enjoy personal space, and maintain a committed relationship.
Explaining the deeper motivations behind LAT, Bhardwaj says, 'It is the small lifestyle differences that often cause friction. LAT allows partners to maintain routines without constantly compromising, preserving love and personal peace.
Many also choose LAT to heal from trauma, burnout, or codependency, as it supports self-growth, emotional regulation, sustained attraction, and more intentional communication.
'
It is challenging too
LAT can be challenging for couples. According to Gupta-Kalantri, these include setting a structure that suits both partners, family planning, managing expenses of two households, maintaining trust and coping with the lack of physical intimacy, especially during tough times.
Mitali admits, 'It's not always ideal. We miss each other.' Mansi echoes this, saying, 'Sometimes, there's an emotional disconnect, but we've always been able to work through it. We chose this setup after 10 years of marriage, so it isn't too difficult for us.'
For LAT to work, couples must invest intentionally in the relationship. For Mansi it involves being fully present during their time together: 'We give each other undivided attention and do things we love.'
For Mitali, shared experiences are key. 'We take trips together every year and enjoy the planning process too. It gives us something to look forward to.'
'Couples who trust each other, have open communication, have jobs in separate cities, or are in their second marriage, can opt for LAT.'
—
Parth Gupta, behavioural and clinical psychologist
Can it work in an Indian setting?
This arrangement is not new to Indians says Aanchal Gupta Kalantri, a life and relationship coach. 'Earlier, this decision was driven by circumstances like jobs and responsibilities. Now, it's a conscious choice.' Parth Gupta, a behavioural and clinical psychologist, adds, 'LAT is common among urban Indians. As more couples talk about mental health, personal boundaries, and different ways to stay connected, LAT is becoming a real option.
'
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