The stories we tell ourselves hold such influence

Observer

24-06-2025

There's an old veracity echoed in the teachings of the Stoics: 'People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.' Ascribed to Epictetus, these words carry a quiet gravity. They do not ask to control the uncontrollable, but to gently question the lens through which we experience the world.
Life unfolds as a series of events — some expected, others less so. A conversation ends abruptly. An opportunity doesn't transpire. A plan fails. On their own, these events are neutral. It is the interpretation we assign to them that stirs our emotional waters. The meaning we give, becomes the burden we carry.
A child may run freely into the rain, laughing. An adult might peer out at the same sky with dread. The difference lies not in the rain, but the story built around it.
Through countless conversations with individuals navigating stress, self-doubt and transition, one theme appears repeatedly. Beneath the surface of distress, there is often a tightly held narrative: 'I'm not good enough', 'They don't care about me', ''This always happens to me.' These interpretations feel like truths, but often they are old reverberations, shaped by past experiences, fears and protective beliefs.
When we begin to gently examine these narratives, something begins to shift. The facts remain, but the emotional charge softens. The human mind instinctively seeks meaning, often at a great speed. It stitches together conclusions before we've had a chance to breathe. A delay becomes rejection. A mistake becomes a failure. Silence becomes abandonment. Without awareness, we begin to live not in the present, but in the shadow of the story we have created meaning around.
However, what if the story isn't the only story? What if the disturbance lies not in what happened, but in what we believe it means? Not to bypass emotion nor dismiss hardship, this is an invitation to reclaim inner agency. If perspective holds the weight, then perspective can also offer release.
A reframed thought is not a dismissal of reality – it is a clearer view of it. It creates a pause before the spiral, a breath before the reaction. It asks quietly, 'Could this mean something else'? A helpful practice is to pause at the moment of emotional intensity and gently ask: 'What am I believing about this right now?' Further wondering: 'Is it the only possible interpretation?' So often, it is not the moment itself, but our internal commentary that creates the most distress. Once this becomes visible, space opens. Not to change the past, but to meet the present with greater wisdom.
We may not be able to choose every circumstance, but we can choose how we relate to it. In that choice lies a quiet kind of freedom.
So today, consider the lens through which you are viewing your experiences. Clean it if you must. Shift it if you can. Let your view be kinder than your fears, and truer than your old stories. Peace is not found in the absence of problems, but in the presence of perspective.