Charles and Camilla are proof that if you stick at it, second marriages can work
Three of my good friends' marriages have collapsed in messy circumstances in recent years. And I'm only too aware that the success of my parents' 24-year marriage – until death did them part – was founded on the fact that my father had left at least one marriage, more likely two, behind him (the less documented one was in Greece during the 1940s) and at least two other children, probably more.
Was my dad a good or bad husband? The answer is surely both. My four siblings and I wouldn't have existed without his errant ways.
Which takes us to the highest-profile second marriage in the land. This Wednesday marks 20 years since Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles at Windsor Guildhall, followed by a blessing ceremony at St George's Chapel with an act of penitence, where the couple acknowledged their 'sins and wickedness'. There were some who would have liked to see them crawl on broken glass to Canterbury for having restarted their youthful love affair once wed to other people – but two decades is an awfully long time to maintain that level of hyperventilating self-righteousness.
You would hope, by now, that pretty much everyone agrees that this septuagenarian couple have earned their marital happiness and have demonstrated that second-attempt marriages can be models of steadfastness, despite the waywardness that may have preceded them.
If you're a dyed-in-the-wool romantic, as I am, it's inspiring to see that heartbreak and errors of judgment need not be repeated. Samuel Johnson famously said of second marriages that they were the 'triumph of hope over experience', but fascinatingly the stats in the UK show the very reverse. According to the last census, 42 per cent of first marriages in the UK end in divorce, but only 31 per cent of second ones. Relationship counsellors speculate that this has much to do with the age, wisdom and tolerance of the participants.
Equally interesting is the fact that this appears to be a very British phenomenon. In the US, about 60 per cent of second-time-round couples find themselves divorced yet again. Which left me wondering whether the Yanks treat marriage like they do businesses, attaching far less stigma to bankruptcy and the concept of rising phoenix-like from the flames, again and yet again.
As Hillary Clinton said of Donald Trump in 2016: 'You've taken business bankruptcies six times.' Maybe that formula works for ruthless entrepreneurs, but when you attach it to wedlock, it's a different business. Just look at Trump's third wife (and, Lord knows, what number consort), Melania. Does she look as contented with her spouse as twinkly eyed Queen Camilla does? I think not.
I was intrigued to learn when talking last week to the American psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, the author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, that one key piece of advice to couples who seek counselling over the issue is to ask their therapist how many times they themselves have been married.
He says if it's more than twice, strike them off your list because their insights may be greater on things that fall apart, rather than stick. And one thing you can say about Charles and Camilla is that the glue of mutual attraction has stuck fast, despite breaks and hiatuses, since first meeting at that fateful polo match in 1970.
Having reached an age where divorced friends and members of my family are introducing new partners to their children and intimate circles, it's uplifting to have our King and Queen as beacons of hope for redemption. Who would begrudge this happy ending?
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