First fight to first kiss: How couples are celebrating arbitrary-versaries
With the right partner, love offers endless reasons to celebrate. This writer celebrates every milestone with her better half, no matter how cheesy or random, from their first 'I love you' to the third of each month — the day they started dating.
Couples today are taking such love celebrations up a notch with quirky, feel-good 'arbitrary-versaries.' Ruchi Ruuh, relationship counsellor and therapist, says, 'Modern couples value small, meaningful moments over grand gestures. It's about emotional connection and being present.'
What are arbitrary-versaries?
Arbitrary-versaries are made-up, unconventional and quirky anniversaries that couples celebrate, like the first fight, the first time they blocked each other, the first time they kissed, etc.
Unlike traditional anniversaries, these are unique to each relationship and celebrate everyday moments that hold special meaning.
Arbitrary-versaries can be a fun excuse to mark the passage of time with someone you love and intend to spend more time with
Laura Boyle, a polyamory expert who is known to have coined the term in 2021 in a blog post
'I send her a dairy treat every year on Naag Panchami'
Ritesh Bajaj* (25) from Gurugram has been in a long-distance relationship with his school sweetheart for eight years. He says, 'We celebrate June 9 as our personal Chocolate Day. It started when I teased her in school by sharing chocolates with everyone but her, only to surprise her with a whole bar later.'
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They also mark Naag Panchami every year. 'I used to call her naagin because she had long hair like the character from a TV show.
Now, I send her a dairy treat each year to annoy her, just for fun. These silly rituals keep us close.'
'Every year we celebrate our French toast anniversary'
Baani (23) and Taran (27) from Delhi celebrate 'French toast anniversary' every year on Taran's birthday. 'It started in 2021 when I made a French toast, the first time that I cooked for her… she was touched, but she ended up feeling sick after eating it,' he laughs.
'Now, every year, she insists we make French toast together like it's a ritual.'
'To stay connected, we celebrate many offbeat anniversaries'
Swapnasree (23), from Gurgaon, and her partner (26), who currently resides in Paris, have been in a long-distance relationship for over three years. Swapnasree shares, 'We celebrate offbeat anniversaries like 'first long-distance anniversary', 'formal-attire date anniversary', and our favourite 'blocking anniversary'. These fun rituals help us stay connected and real in a filtered world.'
It helps keep the spark alive
Experts say they often see couples celebrating arbitrary-versaries. Parth Gupta, psychologist, says, 'Such milestones can benefit a relationship over time, if not overdone. Quirky anniversaries may seem eccentric, but they hold deep meaning for some.' Ruuh adds, 'Small, silly celebrations can build emotional intimacy, become private rituals or inside jokes, and even act as a shared love language. They remind us that love often thrives on shared weirdness and connection.
'
It can have a negative effect
Over-celebrating minor milestones can dull the impact of major ones. Gupta says, 'Marking every trivial event can feel exhausting. Differing views on celebrations can cause tension, even with conventional anniversaries, and more so with arbitrary ones.' Not everyone finds meaning in quirky dates. Ruuh advises discussing boundaries and expectations. 'Ask: Why does this matter? Would you celebrate it every year? If yes, then you have your meaningful moment to celebrate.
'
Couples must reflect on what truly matters to them. Some may treasure moments of physical intimacy, while others might value their first long conversation. Knowing your partner and your relationship is key. If it is difficult to identify meaningful milestones, they can seek professional guidance too
Parth Gupta, a psychologist
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