This is how we do it: ‘It's been exciting to introduce him to toys, role play and unusual positions'

The Guardian

a day ago

There's quite a seductive element of being a bit like a teacher
I've always been pretty horny and have found it quite easy to connect with people on a sexual level. In general, if I've wanted to get laid, I've managed to do that quite easily.
Because of that I've taken periods of celibacy in my life, as I think sex can be a bit distracting sometimes. It's happened about three times, each for about a year or so, usually after a time of change in my life. It brings me clarity.
Removing sex gives you more headspace to focus on other things, and those periods have been some of the most productive of my life. And then, when you come out the other side, you're reacquainted with sex in a way that sparks that sense of enjoyment.
I met Leon about six months after I'd come out of one of these celibate periods. We were both coming from a similar place but in very different ways, ready to re-engage and get excited about sex.
He was going through a divorce at the time, and part of that was due to a dead bedroom situation where they very rarely had sex. He was quite upfront that his re-engagement with the dating scene was just to get his rocks off and reacquaint himself with his sexual side.
One of the things that drew me to him was that he is a very sexual person. Sex embeds itself very easily into our daily lives. We don't have to schedule intimacy; it's something that feels very natural.
We have a lot of sex, and lots of different types of sex. I've had a lot more sexual experiences than Leon, such as BDSM and group sex. There's quite a seductive element of being a bit like a teacher. Before me, he'd had very vanilla sex with the same person for about 15 years, so it has been exciting to introduce him to new ideas, whether that's toys or role play, or even just unconventional positions.
There's a sense of exploration in our sex life, which I think is one of the things that has kept the spark growing between us.
It's empowering for both of us.
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It's very invigorating for me to be with someone who can just lead the way
Annie and I met a year and a half ago on a hook-up app, which is all we were both looking for at the time, but it's flourished into a relationship. Part of the reason for this has been me rediscovering myself as a sexual person.
I'd never felt able to freely express myself sexually. I went to an all-boys school, so I didn't really get to interact with girls much until my late teens. Then when I was 20 I met the girl who became my wife. So that set the boundary in terms of experiencing different partners and understanding what sex is to me.
Annie and I met while I was going through a difficult divorce. I'd lost my mojo, and was confused and ashamed that I wasn't initiating sex. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Since meeting Annie, I've been able to come out of my shell and explore some of the things I think I've always been interested in. Annie wears her sexuality on her sleeve, and she's not afraid to say what she likes.
She's a very powerful, confident woman and it's very invigorating for me to be with someone who can just lead the way. It takes the pressure off me, which is really freeing. I'm having all these new experiences like role play, toys and restraints, and she is taking on a more dominant role which we both enjoy.
I'm really keen to not settle into a routine for very obvious reasons, so I've always got that impetus to keep making sure we're still engaging in a fun and experimental way. I think I'm scrambling to make up for lost time.
We see each other once or twice a week so we'll have a lot of sex when we are together. It's not always kinky. If one of us has had a difficult week, we'll be there for each other in a more emotionally supportive and intimate way, and that's the kind of sex we'll have. And if we're feeling good and we go to the pub and have a few drinks, then the gloves are off.