There's a new reality show about virgins. It's not what you think.

Yahoo

4 days ago

Just days after his shaggy hair and somehow shaggier eyebrows were on display in TLC's new show, Alex Stunz came to Yahoo's New York office with a much more subdued appearance. His hair and beard were neatly combed, and his button-down shirt complemented his eyes.
It's likely that the makeover was a part of the new TLC reality show he stars in, Virgins, which premiered June 9, but to spoil his onscreen arc would be a catastrophe. The series is about exactly what you think it is: four singles living across the United States share their lives and their struggles to sexually connect with other people. What you might not expect is the empathy it shows its cast in a sea of franchises that invite viewers to gawk at unusual lifestyles.
Alex refers to his virgin status as 'my situation,' as if it's a problem to fix. He likes his life — his sisters describe him as 'social and outgoing' — but he'd love it if his bed saw some action, even if it is in his parents' house. Society is obsessed with virginity, which in turn has made Alex somewhat obsessed with his 'situation.'
'If I met a girl at the bar and wanted to bring her home, could I? Yes,' he says in the show's first episode. 'Would I? No. Only because, to me, it's embarrassing. Men in their 30s, maybe, should be living on their own.'
Alex has failed to launch. Being bullied in school harmed his self-esteem, and now, at 34, he still lives in his parents' attic, which they refer to as his 'hole.' He's close with his older sisters, who are both unafraid of poking fun of him, encouraging him to 'just get laid' and begging him to use the back shaver their mom got him for Christmas.
Alex told Yahoo Entertainment that when he shared the trailer for the new show, his friends and family expressed a lot of support. They called him 'brave,' saying, 'good for you.' His whole community seems to be rallying around the idea of him finding a life partner, just as they would in the olden days.
Sitting across from Alex in the conference room with us is Rhasha, whose beauty has already compelled someone on the street to ask if she's the host of an HGTV series. (She's not, yet, but she'd be down.) Her story is perhaps the most unusual on the show.
'I'm a divorced virgin,' Rhasha says in the first episode, widening her eyes as if she can sense the audience gasping at her admission. She explains that she married an international student whom she had fallen for so he could stay in the country, but their marriage remained celibate, despite her desires.
It harmed her self-confidence, which is why I found it so surprising that she was willing to broadcast some of her most personal secrets on TLC. It's riveting television, but is it the right move for someone hoping to take her power back?
'I didn't know if it was the move or not, to be honest. I was just looking for help after my divorce,' she told Yahoo Entertainment. 'It felt right, because what's yours is meant to be yours.'
Both Alex and Rhasha's storylines are a bit over-the-top, as any reality show is wont to be — Alex's involves getting chest hair waxed after tantric speed-dating sessions, and Rhasha was tied up and suspended in the air by a mysterious bandana-clad man named Scarecrow after confessing that she's into bondage play. But instead of treating them like freaks of nature, the show gives them every opportunity to open up and relate to viewers who might be experiencing a similar situation in their own lives.
They told Yahoo Entertainment that they weren't particularly worried that people might be pointing and laughing at them onscreen. They both knew this was a drastic step, but their circumstances were unusual, and it could be the key to sexual liberation.
'Without the help of someone, I probably would not experience meeting someone and having sex,' Rhasha said on the show. 'And I need that in the grossest of ways.'
The two other virgins featured on the show are 35-year-old Los Angeles resident Deanne and 37-year-old Hollywood entertainer Sonali. Deanne, who's ambitious and successful, struggles to make compromises on her high expectations for men. Sonali was raised religious and fears intimacy. Though those two women weren't with us in the conference room, all four were texting later that day in the group chat they named 'Virgin OGs.'
The cast of TLC's Virgins are all searching for love and a physical connection, but they've got to come to terms with how they're letting societal expectations mess with their heads. The show forces the virgins to confront the kind of topics not usually seen in sex ed: masturbation, BDSM, vaginismus, shifting religious standards and even how our expectations can get in the way of our desires.
According to Leigh Norén, a sex and relationship therapist and social worker who isn't part of Virgins, talking about the unusual or embarrassing parts of dating on a show like this 'could potentially be helpful at normalizing [these] experiences.'
'Even for those who have a lot of sexual experience, talking about sex while dating can feel really awkward,' she told Yahoo Entertainment. 'Virginity has always been important within our culture. A lot of it stems from religion and the common focus on abstaining from sex before marriage.'
Norén explained that virginity is particularly sexualized for women, but men are just expected to perform sexually. That creates different but profound problems that are often not discussed. Instead, having them brought out into the open helps to break stigmas around sex and sexuality.
Together in a conference room, I watched Alex and Rhasha smile and prompt each other about their journeys, without allowing for any spoilers, of course. They both told me that they're '100%' glad they came on the show — which might be a double entendre, I'm not sure. Regardless, they seem infinitely more confident in front of me than when I watched them on my screen.
If talking about taboos like virginity is the first step to overcoming them, these two newly minted reality stars soared toward conquering that goal, no matter what happens.
Self-confidence seems to be key in the journeys all four virgins are embarking on this season. It's required to put yourself out there, and necessary when it comes to standing your ground in the search for the 'right person' to have your first sexual encounter with.
Wearing the most fabulous off-shoulder top that she swears is thrifted, Rhasha declares herself to me as 'Rhasha, no last name, like Madonna.' The same woman I'd watched giggle onscreen about being 'nasty' before quickly adding 'sorry mom' was so unabashedly herself that she didn't mind telling a journalist who was taking notes about her demeanor exactly how she wanted to be portrayed. Of course, once you've been broadcast on TV telling a relative stranger exactly how you'd like to be spanked, you might find me a lot less intimidating.
Whether or not it'll be 'Virgin Summer' remains to be seen, though. I asked Alex and Rhasha if they were planning to listen to Lorde's forthcoming album, coincidentally called Virgin, when it comes out June 27. They hadn't heard of it, but maybe it's not the anthem they need anymore.