How To Prepare Your High School Student For The Competitive College Application Season

Forbes

11-06-2025

Stanford, California, USA - March 17, 2019: Aerial view of Stanford University in Stanford ... More California. Stanford is a private university founded in 1885 by Leland and Jane Stanford.
The college admissions landscape has grown increasingly competitive and complex over the last five years, and students must start earlier than ever before to build an applicant profile that will stand out to admissions officers at their dream schools. The moment a student begins their freshman year of high school, their choices—from summer activities to course selection to extracurricular involvements—contribute to the application narrative top colleges will see when they apply. As such, parents play a critical role in helping their students develop a tactical and thoughtful approach to their high school careers in order to reach their collegiate goals.
Whether your student is anticipating their first year of high school or putting the finishing touches on their college list before the start of senior year, the question is not whether you should be talking about college, but how to talk to them about the particular stage of the process they find themselves in. The latter is a common cause of confusion and frustration for students and parents navigating the high school years—parents who are unsure of what their student should be accomplishing or who struggle to motivate their student quickly find themselves overwhelmed and disconnected from their child. Avoiding the stress and tension that can arise from college applications requires that parents start conversations early, understand what their child should reasonably accomplish in each stage of their high school career, and take a supportive and open-minded approach when talking to their child about their future goals.
Summer, with its lighter schedule and fewer distractions, is the perfect time to initiate a dialogue with your student about college admissions. Here are three tips to keep in mind as you kick off the conversation:
One of the most effective ways for parents to guide their students while encouraging autonomy and introspection is by asking questions. In the early years of high school, these questions should be aimed at helping your student consider what they are truly passionate about and where their skills lie. Some of the most productive conversations begin not with questions like 'What do you want to major in?' but with 'What subject do you want to keep learning more about, even outside of class?' or 'What are you most proud of trying this past year?' Asking such questions will help students to narrow their involvements, critically select the advanced courses they enroll in, and progress toward the subject-specific expertise that top colleges are looking for.
Even after these initial stages, parents can approach the college application process itself with curiosity rather than checklists. For instance, when considering competitive summer programs, internship opportunities, or potential fields of study, consider asking questions such as: 'What would it look like for you to challenge yourself? What is something you want to learn more about? What do you envision your life looking like after college? ​​Is there anything new you're interested in trying this year?' Similarly, you might help your student evaluate their balanced college list by asking: 'What draws you to that school? Do you think you're better suited for a rural campus or would you fare better in a city?'
Introspection, authentic passion, and a clear point of view are some of the most essential qualities that Ivy League and other top schools are looking for. If a parent dictates what their child 'should' be doing in the process, their fingerprints will be evident to admissions officers on their child's college application. Encouraging autonomy through thoughtful and open-ended questions will instead support students in the process of articulating their own identity on their applications and beyond.
The college application process is highly stressful for both parents and students—and even the most supportive and encouraging guidance can begin to feel like pressure if it becomes a constant topic of conversation.
For this reason, just as important as starting the conversation about college prep is knowing when to stop. Particularly when discussing college prep during the summer, it is critical to make space for fun, relaxation, and the non-academic parts of life that are essential to fostering a healthy and positive relationship with your child. One of the best ways to mitigate the pressure of the college application process is to designate specific times to check in with your student, ask questions, set goals, and discuss their progress. You might choose a 30-minute window on a certain day or days of the week (depending on where your student is in the process) as a planned time to discuss all college-related things, and do your best to avoid the topic outside of that agreed-upon window. Ultimately, it is important to remember that college planning is just one small part of a student's growth and development during these critical years; parents can model balance and perspective by being intentional about how and when they talk about it.
Finally, while parents are the cornerstone of a student's support network, getting into a top college requires an enormous amount of time, strategy, and skill-building, and you simply cannot do it all. Instead of trying to be your student's tutor, mentor, essay editor, and college counselor, you should view yourself as the architect of their support apparatus. Your role is to help your student determine what they need and find the best resources to meet those needs. This may include academic tutors for tricky subjects and standardized tests, writing coaches, school college counselors, or a private college consultant. Encourage them to build strong relationships with teachers who might later write recommendations and connect with alumni or professionals in fields they're curious about. Like every other aspect of the college admissions process, a support network should encourage students' autonomy—in other words, parents should not secure a flashy internship, fancy summer job, or high-profile recommender on behalf of their student, but teach their teen to identify their needs and goals and advocate for themselves in the process.
Connecting your student with a diverse network of experts can keep them motivated throughout the often exhausting process, ensure they receive the most up-to-date information about what colleges are looking for today, and allow your relationship to thrive without the full burden of college preparation falling on your shoulders.
This summer, make the most of the time you spend with your teen by encouraging conversation about their future goals in a supportive and low-pressure environment. The more you lay the groundwork for open and positive communication, the more prepared your student will be for the demands of the competitive admissions process.