‘Wanted to hit my head on the wall': Shilpa Shirodkar on returning to India due to depression, be close to sister Namrata; emotional cost of buried grief

Indian Express

3 days ago

Shilpa Shirodkar, one of Bollywood's most recognisable faces in the 1990s, recently reflected on battling depression and the powerful support system that helped her through it.
Having taken a 13-year hiatus from acting to raise her family in London, Shilpa eventually returned to India, not to reclaim her career, but to be closer to her sister, Namrata Shirodkar, following the devastating loss of both her parents.
'I didn't get films and I didn't try also. I didn't even try for television also. In fact, when I came back to India, I wasn't in a great mental state. I had lost my parents, and I was in really bad depression. And I actually came back to India to be next to my sister (Namrata Shirodkar). I had nothing on my mind about work,' she shared in a conversation with Pinkvilla.
Her husband, Aparesh, made a profound personal sacrifice to support her decision: 'In 2010, when I decided to come back, Aparesh's career was at its peak, but he realised that I needed to come back, and he left everything and came back.'
Despite having no intentions of returning to the screen, Shilpa eventually found herself acting again and even producing for television. But behind that professional re-emergence was a painful period marked by overwhelming emotional distress: 'I used to cry a lot, I had no control over my tears. Even when anything good happened, still I couldn't stop crying. I had become a robot, and wasn't interested in anything. I had put on so much weight, I had dark circles, I had no interest in life. I used to not go out, don't do anything, was just doing things because I had a young child, dropping her and picking her up from school. Wasn't talking to anyone at home. If I talked, there was misunderstanding. In fact, I just wanted to hit my head on the wall.'
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, 'Unresolved grief-related depression often hides in plain sight. The person might be going about their daily life, showing up at work, and making small talk, but inside, they feel emotionally shut down.'
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He adds that situational sadness usually has a clear cause, like a breakup or disappointment, and tends to ease with support or time. 'Burnout comes from prolonged stress, often work-related, and while it's exhausting, it usually improves with rest or lifestyle changes. But unresolved grief is different. It comes from a loss that was never fully processed. The grief was either ignored, dismissed, or pushed away, and it settled into the body like a weight,' notes Raj.
In Indian families, he says, people are often told to be strong, to move on quickly, or to avoid talking about pain. Over time, these unspoken emotions build up. They don't disappear. They show up as fatigue, irritability, emotional numbness, or chronic sadness.
Spousal support can be a lifeline when someone is going through depression, says Raj, adding, 'It's not about having the answers or fixing things. It's about being emotionally present when the person feels most lost. When someone is depressed, their inner world can feel dark, empty, and disconnected. In that space, a partner's steady presence becomes a quiet but powerful reminder that they're not alone.'
That said, he mentions that supporting someone through depression is hard. It can feel confusing and draining. 'Partners often don't know what to say or do. They might fear saying the wrong thing or feel helpless watching someone they love struggle. That's why partners need support too. They need space to express their own emotions, understand what depression really is, and learn what helps and what doesn't,' he stresses.