Tinder is testing a height filter. What should short kings do?

USA Today

2 days ago

Short kings are up in arms over a controversial new feature on Tinder.
The dating app has started testing a new feature that allows people who pay for the app to filter potential matches based on height − a move that's sparked discussion online about the challenges short men face while dating.
"We're always listening to what matters most to our Tinder users — and testing the paid height preference is a great example of how we're building with urgency, clarity, and focus," Philip Price Fry, vice president of communications at Tinder, said in a statement. "This is part of a broader effort to help people connect more intentionally on Tinder."
The feature might be new for Tinder, but it's already part of other dating apps, like Hinge and Bumble, which have long offered height filters for paying users.
Dating and relationship experts say dating can be more difficult for short men, especially on apps, where height filters cause them to get overlooked off-the-bat. While this can certainly feel discouraging, it's important not to lose hope: There's still plenty of ways to meet people open to dating a short king.
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It's also important, they add, for daters to be open-minded. There's nothing wrong with preferring to date someone tall − but it's important to ask yourself how important a specific trait is to you before turning on a filter that will eliminate potential matches.
"I understand preferences are important," says Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart." "The problem is when we confuse preferences with deal-breakers."
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says it's also important for people to keep their height preferences in perspective. For instance, someone who's 5'4" and wants to date someone taller probably doesn't need their height filter set to 6' and above; they might find someone who's 5'8" to be the perfect height for them.
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The challenge of dating as a short man
News that Tinder is testing a height filter has inspired conversations on social media about the ups and downs dating as a man when your height doesn't start with a "6."
"Women aren't ready for this conversation but they need to stop filtering by height on dating apps," one X user wrote. "I met Kyle on Hinge. He didn't lie about his height (5'9") and was filtered out by a lot of women! Many of my friends would have filtered him out! Don't do this." Others cracked jokes: "I set my height as 6'4 on dating apps let it accrue matches for a couple weeks then set it back to 5'10 and message them."
Some, like bodybuilder and fitness influencer Jeff Nippard, who's 5'5," offered advice: "This really isn't a big deal. As a short man, if a woman doesn't find you attractive because of your height then why would you want to be with her anyway?"
Chan speculates height preferences stem from evolution, going back thousands of years to when physical size and strength were necessary for survival.
Now, however, that's no longer the case.
"Men's height has been culturally associated with masculinity, power and protection," Chan says. "I joke with my friends that, unless you're planning on getting into bar fights, the guy who has access to a good lawyer is probably going to be able to protect you more than a guy who's tall."
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Height filters are a thing on dating apps. What should short men do about it?
Chan encourages people to find ways of meeting people outside of dating apps, ideally in settings where their personalities can shine.
"We know through research that apps cause people to filter very harshly, even if they wouldn't do so in person," Chan says. "I always tell my clients to have three different forms of 'lead generation'. If you're on apps, great, but add two more. Maybe that's joining a club or taking up a hobby where you'll meet other like-minded people and build relationships and community over time."
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Anderson offers similar advice − and adds daters shouldn't waste their energy feeling frustrated over what they can't control. You can't change your height, but you can work on other attributes to attract a partner.
"Rather than getting mad or feeling frustrated about it, accept the reality and control the things you can control," she says. "You can control the number of women you approach in a day or a week. You can control having a great smile and a nice personality when you approach that person."
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And, if you're someone who does use a height filter, you might want to try expanding it an inch or two and seeing what happens, Anderson says. You could be surprised by who you meet.