New MI6 head traced back to Cheltenham's unofficial spy school

Times

14 hours ago

Little is known about Blaise Metreweli, the new head of MI6, but information has appeared on WhatsApp, generated by old girls of Cheltenham Ladies College. A well known breeding ground for spies, it now appears that this 'Eton for girls' educated Metreweli until sixth form.
She was 'very popular and good at everything', which is perhaps why she was marked for espionage. In 2009, Jonathan Evans, then MI5 director-general, said the school was 'deliberately targeted' for recruitment, which the writer and alumna Kate Johnson put down to the skills girls acquired in dormitories, such as those in interrogation and mental disintegration.
'The fourth form forced us to explain the facts of life,' she said. 'The girl after me knew nothing; when they explained to her, she burst into tears, sobbing, 'My mum and dad would never do that!' '
Although he is on the other side of the Atlantic, Peter Mandelson cannot escape Labour's travails. The former Svengali of the left, who is now our man in DC, was recently summoned by JD Vance, the vice-president, who, reportedly, had one question. 'What's going on with Reform?' he asked. 'I see that they're doing very well.' Given that Vance hopes to be president before the next UK general election, he may well be trying to get the lowdown on his future British partners. Reform have remarked that the VP is 'impeccably well-informed about British politics', but this would be a recent shift. It's but weeks since Vance referred to the UK as 'some random country'.
When her career in politics is over, the Labour MP Dawn Butler could become the star of a cop show. In a debate about mobile phone theft, she told the Commons how police apathy had driven her to vigilantism. Using the tracker on her stolen phone, she and a companion followed the crooks in a car. 'In true Starsky & Hutch style, we chased down the thieves,' she said. She called the police again and the culprits were caught, but they hadn't noticed their stalkers thanks to Butler's quick thinking. 'We pretended to kiss as they walked towards us,' she explained. That's how to clinch victory.
As another weekend dawns, MPs will be attending fetes and surgeries and all manner of local affairs, which leaves very little time for relaxation. Rachel Johnson, who is a sibling of two former MPs and the daughter of a former MEP, has been asked for ideas on how politicians could let their hair down. 'A lot of tennis, probably a lot of drinking,' she said. 'And probably having a lot of childcare in my brother's case. At least one nanny per child is my recommendation.' Not even Boris's present paymasters could afford that.
By his own admission, the career of Pulp's frontman, Jarvis Cocker, peaked on Friday when he read the centenary Shipping Forecast. He follows in a fine tradition of guest presenters, including Alan Bennett and Stephen Fry, but they did mock-ups or old versions of the real forecast. Only one celebrity was allowed to read the actual one but, as the former deputy PM John Prescott had served in the merchant navy, he had at least a sliver of qualification. It was the only broadcast where one of the regions was called 'umber.