When your boss gets too personal: Expert tips to shut down unwanted comments without risking your job
workplace culture
, where team lunches, Slack banter, and after-hours check-ins blur the lines between professional and personal, it's easy to let your guard down. A little personal sharing can humanize relationships with colleagues and even make work feel more connected. But what happens when your boss starts commenting on your love life, or makes casual remarks about your private affairs that leave you uncomfortable?
'It happens more often than we think,' Vicki Salemi, career expert at Monster told
CNBC Make It
. Often, these remarks pop up during offhand conversations—weekend recaps, post-meeting chit-chat, or Zoom call fillers. While your boss may not mean any harm, even a well-meaning comment can overstep a boundary if it touches on sensitive personal matters.
Setting Boundaries Without Burning Bridges
If you're uncomfortable with your boss's interest in your personal life, don't brush it off. 'You definitely shouldn't just let it go,' Salemi warns. Allowing it to continue without saying something can inadvertently signal that it's acceptable.
But handling it requires tact. 'You don't want them to get offended,' adds Stacie Haller, chief career advisor at Resume Builder. The key is to address it firmly yet professionally. Haller suggests using statements like,
'I really prefer to keep my personal life separate from work,'
or
'Thanks for asking, but I have a personal policy not to discuss my dating life in the workplace.'
By putting it this way, you create a boundary without sounding defensive or accusatory. And timing is everything. If you're caught off guard in a group setting, it's perfectly okay to circle back later in private and revisit the incident with a calm reminder of your preferences.
You Might Also Like:
'It is not just about using AI': Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang advises students to master this skill to stay ahead in tomorrow's job market
From Innocent to Inappropriate—Know When It's Too Much
Your boss may genuinely believe they're showing interest or care. 'Some people think being a good manager means knowing the full person,' says Haller. But if the commentary continues after you've expressed discomfort, it crosses into more serious territory.
In such cases, request a one-on-one conversation and be transparent. Tell them, 'I appreciate your concern, but these comments are making me uncomfortable, and I'd like to keep things professional.' If this doesn't change the behavior, it's time to start documenting—keep records of the comments, your responses, and any follow-ups.
'If it keeps happening even after you've made it clear, now we're talking about harassment,' says Haller. At this point, escalating the issue to HR or another trusted manager becomes necessary. 'That's your last resort,' she adds, 'but a necessary one if boundaries are not respected.'
Respect Starts With Communication
In an age that encourages bringing your 'whole self' to work, it's easy to assume that openness is a given. But it's also okay—and vital—to draw the line. Being clear about what you're comfortable sharing isn't about being distant; it's about preserving your space and peace of mind.
You Might Also Like:
Why the 'IIT tag' might not land you a global tech job: London techie's bold post sparks viral debate
Because at the end of the day, while you may be a team player at work, your personal life deserves to remain just that—personal.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Time of India
8 hours ago
- Time of India
OpenAI is Closing Down for one-full week
AI Image In what appears to be desperate bid to retain talent amid an aggressive poaching campaign by Meta, ChatGPT maker OpenAI has announced a mandatory week-long vacation for its employees. The move comes as the artificial intelligence (AI) race intensifies, with Meta luring at least eight OpenAI researchers to its newly formed "superintelligence" team over the past week, according to sources cited by Wired. This "recruiting coup," as described by the Wall Street Journal, has sparked a crisis at OpenAI, where a cloud of anxiety looms over the C-suite. The loss of talent is particularly stinging for OpenAI, a leader in AI research behind ChatGPT, as it faces mounting pressure to maintain its edge in the competitive AI landscape. Industry analysts note that this talent war reflects broader existential anxieties in the AI sector, where companies are racing to achieve artificial general intelligence (AGI)—AI capable of performing any intellectual task a human can. '80-hour work weeks' that make OpenAI leaders task more challenging Leaders are scrambling to keep staff loyal, a challenging task given that OpenAI employees often endure grueling 80-hour workweeks. The poaching has hit OpenAI hard, with insiders revealing a sense of betrayal among leadership. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Kate Middleton Reportedly Taking Royal Split 'Badly' Crowdy Fan Undo What OpenAI Chief Research Officer Mark Chen told employees In a leaked internal memo posted to an OpenAI Slack channel, chief research officer Mark Chen expressed raw emotion, writing, "I feel a visceral feeling right now, as if someone has broken into our home and stolen something." Chen assured employees that he and CEO Sam Altman are working "around the clock" to counter Meta's aggressive recruitment tactics, which reportedly include staggering $100 million signing bonuses and first-year compensation packages. While OpenAI insiders confirmed these figures, some Meta sources disputed the numbers, according to Wired. One leader wrote, "If they pressure you, or make ridiculous exploding offers, just tell them to back off. It's not nice to pressure people in potentially the most important decision." The message, viewed by Wired, underscores the high stakes of the situation, with OpenAI framing Meta's tactics as aggressive and unethical. Meta's poaching spree is part of its broader pivot toward building human-level AI, an effort to recover from founder Mark Zuckerberg 's shifting priorities, which have included significant investments in the metaverse. One-week vacation and more: What OpenAI is doing to stop Meta from poaching its talent Chen's memo outlined proactive measures to retain talent, including recalibrating compensation and exploring "creative ways to recognize and reward top talent." Beyond the mandatory vacation, however, specifics remain vague. The week-long break, intended to help employees recharge, has raised concerns among OpenAI's leadership that Meta may exploit the downtime to intensify its recruitment efforts. One research lead warned in an internal message, "Meta knows we're taking this week to recharge and will take advantage of it to try and pressure you to make decisions fast and in isolation." The talent war has exposed deeper tensions. Seven other OpenAI research heads have also reached out to employees, urging them to resist Meta's overtures. AI Masterclass for Students. Upskill Young Ones Today!– Join Now
News18
8 hours ago
- News18
Govt Monitoring Return Of Chinese Officials From Indian Electronics Units
Last Updated: Stating that the Centre is "seized of the issue", sources say the government is also open to help in locating and training of local talent. The Indian government is closely monitoring the exit of the Chinese officials from electronics manufacturing units in the country, including iPhone maker Foxconn, according to CNBC-TV18 report citing sources. The industry is free to engage with employees of any country, according to the sources, adding that it is up to the management of the companies to determine the best approach to retain and manage talent. According to the CNBC-TV18 report citing the sources, 'The industry can try to resolve the issue by locating talent in alternative countries like Taiwan." Stating that the Centre is 'seized of the issue", the government is also open to help in locating and training of local talent, according to the sources. According to a Bloomberg report, Foxconn Technology Group has asked hundreds of Chinese engineers and technicians working in India's iPhone factories to return home. The move comes at a time when Apple faces pressure from the US and the China over its ambitions to scale up iPhone manufacturing in India. The Bloomberg report said that the iPhone maker is preparing to ramp up production of the new iPhone 17 with its manufacturing partners in India and Foxconn is in the process of building a new iPhone plant in southern India. The report said that a majority of Foxconn's Chinese staff at iPhone plants in southern India have been told to fly back. The move began about two months ago, the report said. It further added that 300 Chinese workers have left and mostly Taiwanese support staff remain in India. The Chinese government earlier in 2025 encouraged regulatory agencies and local governments to curb technology transfers and equipment exports to India and Southeast Asia. China is increasingly anxious seeing companies from shifting manufacturing elsewhere and is trying to prevent it. The report said industry watchers see the move a response to China's growing reluctance to let skilled labour and critical tech leave the country. First Published: July 03, 2025, 13:04 IST
Mint
9 hours ago
- Mint
How one developer outsmarted dozens of startups—and what it says about work today
Soham Parekh wasn't hiding. He used his real name. Showed up on calls. Wrote some code. Then vanished—only to surface again at another startup, mid-sprint, fully onboarded. By the time each team realised something was off—missed meetings, odd excuses, clashing updates—he was already clocking hours elsewhere. No fake profiles. No aliases. Just a clean trail of GitHub commits and Slack intros. Soham wasn't gaming the system. He simply walked through it. And he did it over and over again. *** Parekh, a full-stack developer, became an open secret in founder circles this month. Hacker News threads, Slack screenshots, Twitter jokes, Reddit rants—all echoed the same disbelief: 'Wait, we hired him too?" One YC-backed startup claimed he worked with them nearly a year. Others noticed earlier, spotting odd overlaps in his LinkedIn timeline. One founder even recalled Soham attending a trial day in person—only to leave halfway through, saying he had to meet a lawyer. But Parekh didn't disappear. He kept showing up. Just somewhere else. 'So this whole time, AI wasn't taking jobs. Soham was." — @ArthurMacwaters The rise of the overemployed Parekh is not the first engineer to work multiple jobs in parallel. In November 2022, Vanity Fair published a piece titled Overemployed in Silicon Valley: How Scores of Tech Workers Are Secretly Juggling Multiple Jobs. It told of engineers quietly holding down two, three, even four full-time roles. Some used mouse-jigglers to fake activity. Others ran multiple laptops. One admitted to outsourcing work to Fiverr, an online marketplace for freelance services. A few worked in coordinated Discord communities, sharing tactics. 'I'm not sure if they even know I'm here anymore," one engineer told the reporter. 'All my paychecks are still coming in." At the time, it read like a side effect of the remote-work boom. A strange consequence of too many laptops and not enough oversight. Some employees simply treated employment like a short-term asset. If no one was watching, why stay loyal? Parekh didn't need any of that infrastructure. He used his real name. Real resume. Showed up on video calls. Wrote code. Left a trail. He just moved through the system cleanly. 'He crushed our interviews. Worked for us almost a year. Solid job. We only let him go when we found out he was working multiple jobs." — commenter 'dazzeloid', Hacker News *** What his story shows is how little it takes to get hired—and stay hired. One startup said he 'crushed the interviews." Another called him 'top 0.1%." Founders praised his GitHub, his side projects, his email follow-ups. The problem, they said, began only when the job did. That gap—between performance in a vetting process and actual engagement—isn't incidental. It's structural. Startups, especially ones chasing growth, have narrowed hiring into structured calls and take-home tasks. Processes are recycled across founder networks. Culture fit becomes a checkbox. Most of the time, it comes down to gut feel. Which is just another way of saying: we don't really know. In that kind of system, someone who interviews well and ships enough can coast for months. If that person is also working three other jobs, the signs fade gradually. By the time someone notices, it's already awkward to ask. As one Hacker News commenter put it: 'Lots of YC companies copy each other's hiring process. Same blind spots. Same playbook. Easy to scam with the same persona." The AI comparison isn't a joke There's another wrinkle. Soham may not have been doing anything that couldn't be done today by an AI agent. More than one founder joked—what if he was a bot? It's a joke that lands dangerously close to reality. AI agents today can write code, respond to support tickets, and mimic Slack chatter. The boundary between human contributor and AI script is already thinning. And if you can't tell whether you're working with a disengaged employee or a competent script—what exactly are you hiring? *** We've seen this fragility before. Back in 2022, Wipro fired 300 employees for moonlighting. Chairman Rishad Premji called it 'cheating—plain and simple." The public backlash, however, told a different story. Critics pointed out hypocrisy—executives sit on multiple boards, consultants juggle clients, why not engineers? The Soham episode surfaces the same tension. It's not just about overemployment. It's about trust, and the changing texture of work. Who gets to be considered present? What does loyalty mean in a system built on churn? Parekh is a consequence of that mismatch. He's not a rogue actor. He's the product of a hiring culture that values performance over presence, delivery over connection. A culture that claims to build teams but rarely asks who's actually part of them. *** So what happens when the next Soham is indistinguishable from an AI agent? Srikanth Nadhamuni, the former CTO of Aadhaar, believes we'll need to rethink identity itself. In a recent paper, he proposed Personhood Credentials—a cryptographic and biometric framework to prove that a person behind a digital interaction is real, unique, and singular. The concept sounds abstract, even dystopian. But Nadhamuni argues that in a world of deepfakes and synthetic voice agents, systems like Aadhaar—originally built for public verification—could help anchor digital interactions to actual humans. He describes it as a privacy-preserving firewall against the collapse of trust online. Startups often claim to be 'people-first." But what happens when you can't even confirm there's a person? The Soham Parekh story isn't about scamming startups. It's about the gap between how we hire and how we work. A system optimised for speed and scale, not relationship or accountability. He didn't crack the system. He revealed it was already broken. Pankaj Mishra is a journalist and co-founder of FactorDaily. Read more stories by the author: AI didn't take the job. It changed what the job is. Factory floors reimagined: How Quess is putting AI agents to work AI saved a boy from leukaemia in rural Maharashtra—before it was too late India's unicorn obsession has a human cost
