How to feel good in L.A., according to a reformed workaholic
She purged those demons — but wasn't done having conversations about them. Her new podcast, 'Extended Scenes,' is about 'redefining ambition and success in the second half of life.' It also delves into whatever is haunting Romolini, personally, be it parenting a teen, working on a new novel or her aging 52-year-old body.
She still works hard, but her ambition is now driven by clarity and purpose. 'I'm not chasing anything anymore,' she says. 'This podcast, I'm making it for me. I'm so right with why I'm doing things.'
Having a very intentional approach to self-care also helps keep Romolini, currently senior beauty editor at Yahoo, centered at a time when the world feels especially chaotic. In this interview, edited for clarity and length, Romolini shares her favorite Los Angeles escapes to find peace of mind, little-known beauty supply shops that rival Sephora and where to find a game-changing chocolate thunderbolt smoothie.
What does wellness mean to you? Every time I think about wellness, I think about how it's been commodified, and how white it is, and how much it's about buying [stuff]. But in terms of what is real, personal success for me at this point, it's having the ability to know yourself well enough to stay regulated. Allowing yourself to be seen and seeing others. And loving and caring for yourself. One of the hardest things is fully allowing yourself to be seen. I think we spend a lot of time running from ourselves. We run from ourselves in ways where we're seeking success, where we're seeking money. But even in self-care, which has become almost competitive and performative, it's hard to find where it really fits into your life.
So what does self-care look like for you in L.A.? As you get older, sleep is so important — your body becomes a science experiment, especially as your hormones are changing. So sleep, for sure; some kind of movement. But really, what I'm searching for, is emotional regulation. I've set up my life where I have spaces where I can feel emotionally safe and just stay calm and present — that is the ultimate wellness for me. Because let's be honest, being a human being is ridiculous right now, it's so overwhelming. So self-care is about protecting my peace.
What are some of those spaces? I live in Silver Lake. And I feel like community is everything right now. I've been going to my community park, Bellevue Recreation Center. There's a little piece of woods there where you can sit and meditate. The Philosophical Research Society in Los Feliz — amazing vibes. The bookstore, the campus — I try to attend events there whenever I can. It's just the most peaceful place. There's also an amazing smoothie place in my neighborhood, which is not one of the trendy places. It's the old-timey Naturewell and has been around for decades — it just feels like the real, crunchy deal. They have a chocolate thunderbolt smoothie. Sometimes I'll pick one up if I need a break.
Also, I started playing cards with friends. I'm trying to see people in person more often. So the back garden at Stories Books & Cafe. Just spending time — and space — with other people and not just being alone. And when all else fails, there's always dirty martinis and fries at Taix.
What's your exercise routine? I lift weights at home. But I also go to the Everybody gym — I love it so much. It's the most chill and wonderful and welcoming gym I've ever been to. It's in Cypress Park. It's just a really inclusive and lovely and low-key gym. I get on the machines and I also take yoga classes there. Lifting weights, I'm just trying to keep this old husk limber and I wanna be able to have a healthy aging. I want to be physically able, if I can be. I want to be mentally able. That's my goal.
You've already written a memoir about ambition and success. Why launch a podcast on the same topic? My book, 'Ambition Monster,' was all about coming to terms with what I chased for the first half of my life. The kind of professional success that's nonstop and compulsive, the external validation I was seeking. I wasn't finished having those conversations. I'm trying to figure out a way to reframe success and talk to people about how they feel about success at this moment in time, in a crumbling world, when everything kind of feels pointless, and when it's really hard to dream. And also in the second half of life when dreaming feels harder, when you're up against ageism, or getting in your own way. Those are conversations I'm not seeing had a lot.
So with the podcast, plus a full-time job at Yahoo, a newsletter and a novel in progress — not to mention a teenage child — do you ever have downtime? And if so, how do you fill it? I consume a ton of culture — my husband is a culture critic — and I do have creative projects, whether rearranging a room or balcony gardening. But I have this loom! When I'm not doing anything I'm often just weaving. I map out these weavings, and then I spend a couple of weeks making them, and they often are ugly and I fail. But I think it's important to have something you're doing that you're an amateur at, that you're not trying to make money on.
There's a great wool store on Vermont Avenue, the Little Knittery, that I like going into. I buy a bunch of wool in different colors and shapes and sizes; then I draw a diagram of what the weaving will look like. I don't know what I'm doing, this is all YouTube taught. The loom is fairly sizable: three feet by two feet. And I make these tapestries — we don't even put them up. I just enjoy doing it. It shuts me down because it's so tactile and so repetitive. It's just fun.
You're the senior beauty editor at Yahoo, where you write about beauty and aging for women over 40. Any local, little-known haunts we should check out? I don't believe you need to spend a lot of money on skincare in any way. It's about looking for specific ingredients. There's a really good skincare store on Sunset, Credo Beauty, where I go to test a lot of things because they have such an array of brands, and they're mostly all clean brands. It's one of those things where it's like, I didn't even know this was here in this neighborhood! I think it rivals Sephora. And it's right next to Pizzana, the pizza place! Another one that has a ton of excellent makeup and fragrance brands is Le Pink & Co. on Sunset. I try to treat Los Angeles like New York — where I lived for a long time — so I walk around a lot and try not to get in my car unless I have to.
Where does food fit into all of this for you — what kind of eater are you? Perimenopause changed the way I eat a lot. I have celiac disease, and I've had it since before being gluten-free was trendy. My mother has it, my sister has it. So I don't eat gluten. But I've noticed that the way my body processes food is different now — my digestion is slower than it used to be. I try to avoid sugar, it doesn't work for me. I eat sugar and my whole brain clouds up. It's real sad and real boring. You find yourself suddenly picking up a book called 'Nom Nom Paleo' and it's like well, here's where we're at.
I love Botanica, a restaurant in Silver Lake. I shop at normal places. I go to Lassens a lot — I'm a Lassens over Erewhon person, though they both probably have terrible politics.
What age do you feel inside? I feel 52 and I'm very proud of being 52. I announce it all the time. I write about it all the time. I just think we need to normalize it more. Normalize getting old and being cool. It's fine.
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And there was something about those kinds of characters who transformed, whether it was Shera or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there was something about that transformation that somehow really spoke to me as a young closeted trans person. So it was more, for me, about finding empowering female role models as much as it was about finding queer female role models. Looking to the future There's always backlash towards the LGBTQ+ community, I think, and that has always been the way for queer progress. We take a step forward, and we get knocked back. And there's always respectability politics around it, like 'Oh my gosh, you're protesting wrong, or you're the wrong kind of queer, you're the wrong kind of gay. You're too sexual, you're too trans, you're not trans enough.' There's always this sort of gnarliness around progress. But I think, for me, having really considered leaving the UK when things have been particularly hostile towards the trans community I sort of looked at places like New Zealand, which have sort of slid backwards a little bit in terms of their politics, and I've realised that politics is a game that politicians play and the barometer slides backwards and forwards. Right now, it's sliding worryingly backward, and I think we have to call it what it is: we are seeing the rise of fascism in various places around the world, and we shouldn't be shy about saying that. But I think the response to that is to stop worrying about things on a macro level and think about your local community, and that's why I think grassroots local Prides are increasingly important, because actually, we don't live on the same global stage as politicians. We live in our towns, we live in our villages, and we live in our cities, so what can we do on a really small local level to make sure that people have access to housing? Have access to healthcare, have access to food, what can we do to help people out of poverty? And I think that's the way forward, let's make sure that our local schools are the best possible schools that they can be. If I have to leave one message to trans youth, it's that you will outlive Donald Trump. The future of queer storytelling is interesting. The important thing for me, the phrase that has stayed with me that my friend told me, was to leave down the ladder and so it's really important for me to leave down the ladder. I've just read the most amazing fantasy novel by young trans writer called Petra Lord called Queen of Faces, for example. It's really weird because I have dealt with —and I'm not gonna name any names— some trans creators who want to be the only one. It's a bit like the Iron Throne; only one person can sit on the Iron Throne. Whereas I'm like, no, we need more because as I get older, I feel like my audience grows up with me. So we need new queer talent always coming in so that the generation below me and below that generation has a voice as well. It's just about leaving the ladder down and continuing investment in queer art. I mean that as well. I'm not just being polite.
