When your partner disturbs your sleep

The Star

a day ago

Why do people still want to share a bed despite their partner disturbing their sleep? It's likely due to the hormone oxytoxin. — dpa
You're lying wide awake in the middle of the night while your bedmate chugs along, snorting and wheezing, in slumberland.
Sound familiar?
If so, you're not alone, particularly if you're a woman, according to sleep medicine specialist Dr Kneginja Richter, spokesperson for the scientific committee of the German Sleep Society (DGSM).
'They like sleeping in the conjugal bed, but have difficulty because their partner snores or moves around a lot,' she says.
Often getting too little restful sleep, they're left with rings under their eyes the next morning and drag themselves, yawning and lethargic, through the day.
Studies show that a person's sex plays a large role in the nature and frequency of sleep problems.
Women are more easily awoken than men.
And they're more sensitive to noises, Dr Richter says, especially during puberty, pregnancy, motherhood and the menopause, on account of hormonal changes.
Men, on the other hand, are more likely to suffer from obstructive sleep apnoea – a frequent interruption of breathing during sleep – and to snore.
The reason is anatomical, she explains, as men tend to have a larger neck and more visceral fat, which are risk factors for both conditions.
Trying to sleep beside a snoring hubby – loud snoring is a symptom of obstructive sleep apnoea, by the way – hardly sounds ideal, but Dr Richter cites studies showing that women feel better sleeping together with their spouse, even when they sleep less soundly.
ALSO READ: Sleep apnoea: When you cease to breathe while asleep
'This seems somewhat paradoxical at first,' she says, but points to a possible explanation: oxytocin.
Often called the 'love hormone' due to its association with pair bonding, it's released during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep – when most dreams occur – and more so during close physical contact with a trusted person.
It's even been shown that the REM sleep phases of couples with a strong bond synchronise.
'This is probably why women put up with snoring and want to sleep together, despite objectively sleeping worse,' remarks Dr Richter.
ALSO READ: Want better sleep? Share a bed with your partner
Oxytocin is far from a panacea for a noisy or restless bedmate, however.
So what can you do to address the problem, should you feel the need?
'The most inexpensive option would be to sleep wearing earplugs if your partner snores,' Dr Richter says.
And, if possible, go to bed earlier and fall asleep before the snorer does.
A more radical step would be to get an XXL-size bed, i.e. with a width between 2m and 2.2m.
'Then each of you will have their own security zone,' she says, and the snorting and wheezing will be farther from your ears.
And it's best to have separate mattresses so that you won't notice it as much when your bedmate tosses and turns.
This may not be enough to solve the problem though, and sometimes, the only remedy is to sleep in separate rooms.
Many couples are hesitant to resort to this measure, notes Dr Richter.
This is as: 'Separate beds are often associated with relationship issues.'
But they can actually bring about quite the opposite, she says, i.e. strengthening the relationship by improving sleep quality, well-being and sexual satisfaction. – By Ricarda Dieckmann/dpa