I Think My Son Is Gay. Should I Talk to Him About Coming Out?
I've always thought it quite unfair that only those who fall under the L.G.B.T.Q.+ umbrella have the onerous burden of 'coming out.' Last summer my son weathered the heartbreak of a dear friend, likely a crush, moving away. For Valentine's Day, a female classmate asked my son out, and he turned her down. His life is getting increasingly complicated. I don't want to push him to come out before he's ready, but I'd love to be able to have honest conversations about some of what he's going through. My question is: Should I wait and let him come out when he's ready, or is there a way I can save him the trouble? What is the most thoughtful way to approach this? — Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
I get why you want to spare him the awkward dance of coming out, but for many young people, it's a way to claim an identity on their terms. (For many parents, in turn, it involves pretending that the declaration comes as news.) Pressing fast-forward could leave him with the sense that he has lost a measure of agency — that a big moment has been pre-empted. It could also make him feel exposed or rushed. There are all sorts of ways that you can indicate your loving acceptance and reassure him that you'll be a soft place to land. Indeed, I'm sure you've already done so. When he's ready, you'll be there — arms open, heart steady, no script needed.
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Chicago Tribune
2 days ago
- Chicago Tribune
Asking Eric: I would prefer visiting by phone and emails
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Los Angeles Times
2 days ago
- Los Angeles Times
‘Japanese walking' promises big health gains in 30 minutes. Health experts are skeptical
It promises the benefits of a 10,000-step walk in just 30 minutes. No gym membership required. Just a pair of shoes and a willingness to alternate between brisk and slow-paced walking in three-minute bursts. Dubbed 'Japanese walking,' the latest viral fitness trend is all over TikTok and has people wondering whether this short-interval workout can improve health more efficiently than a traditional stroll. The trend has spread across social media and beyond, with bloggers, online articles and major media outlets all jumping in on the walking routine. The protocol traces back to a 2007 Japanese study that tested the effects of high-intensity interval walking on middle-aged and older adults. But the recent buzz started with a punchy video from Australian content creator and fitness coach Eugene Teo that surpassed 10 million views on TikTok and 17 million views on YouTube. Known to his over 426,000 TikTok followers and 1.22 million YouTube followers as 'Coach Eugene,' Teo rebranded the science-backed routine into an accessible, algorithm-friendly idea: 'Japanese walking.' 'People don't like fitness jargon,' Teo, 33, said in a recent interview with The Times. 'They don't like scientific terms … and if I want to impact millions globally ... I like to make fitness advice and scientific jargon a lot more accessible.' In his video explainer, Teo describes the method: Walk fast for three minutes, slow down for three minutes and repeat the cycle five times. According to the small study of 186 women and 60 men, participants who followed this routine four or more days a week saw greater improvements in blood pressure, leg strength and aerobic capacity than those in the moderate-intensity continuous walking group. 'It's that cardio work that a lot of people are missing,' Teo said. Teo, a longtime coach and nutritionist, didn't invent the protocol, but he did help it reach millions. He said his viral video resonated with people overwhelmed by the pressure to hit 10,000 steps a day — a goal Teo himself often finds out of reach. He's been following this protocol on and off for years, ever since he came across the study. Usually, he does his walking on a treadmill. 'A lot of people have this all-or-nothing approach where they think, 'Oh, I can't hit 10,000 steps. I've failed,'' he said. 'It's about just changing the stigma people have and that all-or-nothing mentality ... of what fitness should be about.' He emphasizes effort over perfection: Walk fast enough to get out of breath, but not so fast that you can't finish the three-minute interval. The recovery periods are as slow as needed to reset. But is the science behind the trend as strong as the messaging? Dr. Helga Van Herle, a cardiologist with Keck Medicine of USC, noted flaws in the original study's design — namely, that only the high-intensity walking group was monitored with accelerometers, not the moderate intensity group, a bias that could have skewed results. 'This creates a major bias in the monitoring and compliance and could potentially skew the results in favor of the high-intensity training group,' she said in an email, pointing to the Hawthorne effect, a phenomenon in which people alter their behavior because they know they're being watched. Dr. Parveen Garg, also with Keck Medicine of USC, said he doesn't see intense interval walking as a standout recommendation among physicians. The study, he said, was small and meant to be thought-provoking and encourage further research, not to support sweeping conclusions. He supports any activity that gets people moving but cautions against over-hyping Japanese walking benefits or ease. 'It's kind of onerous,' he said, explaining that remembering to switch gears every three minutes, walking fast and slow and navigating technology isn't easy for everyone. He said it's possible to get similar benefits by walking continuously at a vigorous pace for a shorter time. But there isn't enough evidence to confirm that. Experts agree that vigorous activity, even in short spurts, is beneficial. David Raichlen, professor of biological sciences and anthropology at USC, said short intervals of increased effort — even just walking briskly for a few minutes — can yield meaningful health effects. 'There's something to the idea that small amounts of vigorous activity are really beneficial,' Raichlen said. Raichlen also noted that calling high-intensity interval walking 'Japanese walking' simply because of the study's origin is problematic. Yasuyuki Suzuki, a cardiac imaging specialist from Tokyo, is aware of the trend and the associated study. He said that while there is some new interest in the topic, it is not trending in Japan the way it appears to be in other parts of the world. He also said he does not feel any discomfort or concern about it being referred to as 'Japanese walking.' As for whether this method is better than 10,000 steps or continuous walking, Raichlen is hesitant to say — the research just isn't there yet. Higher walking cadence has been linked to lower dementia risk, Raichlen said. Also, walking in general has been tied to lower mortality, reduced cancer risk and improved cardiovascular health. 'I do think there's a lot of good from encouraging people to think about walking as exercise,' Raichlen said. 'Finding ways to sort of make walking work better for you is, you know, not a bad thing.' Still, the simplicity and catchy name may be why it took off. 'Pretty much anybody in Los Angeles can go outside and walk around,' said Sarah T. Roberts, a UCLA associate professor and internet culture expert. 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Miami Herald
3 days ago
- Miami Herald
Fear of ICE raids is making heat intolerable for Southern California families
For the last 16 years, Isabel has worked harvesting carrots, lemons and grapes in the Coachella Valley. The undocumented mother of three - who, like others The Times spoke with, declined to give her last name out of fear for her family's safety - says the heat in recent summers has been increasingly difficult to manage. And now, with fewer workers showing up due to fears of ongoing immigration enforcement raids across California, Isabel says she and those who remain have to endure fewer breaks and more physical strain. Crews that once numbered five groups of 18 workers each are down to three groups of 18. The demands, however, haven't changed. "You have to pack so many boxes in a day," Isabel said in Spanish. "If it takes you a while to get water, you'll neglect the boxes you're packing. You have to put in more effort." California's outdoor heat standard- which applies to all workers, legal or undocumented - guarantees breaks for shade and water. But the fear of falling behind often discourages workers from taking advantage, labor advocates say. And with fewer workers in the fields, employers have begun asking those who do show up to stay later into the day; some who used to be home by 1 p.m. are now in the fields during the hottest parts of the afternoon, they say. Isabel described a recent incident of a woman on her crew who appeared to be suffering from heatstroke. The supervisors did help her, "but it took them a while to call 911," Isabel said. Sandra Reyes, a program manager at TODEC Legal Center, which works with immigrants and their families in the Inland Empire and Coachella Valley, said she has seen the same pattern unfold across California's agricultural communities. Fewer workers means greater physical strain for those who remain. And in the fields, that strain compounds rapidly under high heat. "There are times when the body just gives out," Reyes said. "All of this is derived from fear." :::: Across Southern California, from fields to homes, parks to markets, the fear of immigration enforcement is making it harder for individuals and families to stay safe as temperatures rise. Early on June 18 in the eastern Coachella Valley, word spread among the agricultural workers that unmarked cars and SUVS - and, later on, helicopters and convoys of military vehicles - that they rightly guessed carried federal agents were converging on the fields. Anticipating a raid by Customs and Border Protection or Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the reaction was immediate. Workers - many undocumented - fled, some going into the fields, hiding beneath grapevines or climbing up date palm trees. Local organizers began to get calls from frightened workers and their families. Making matters worse was the heat. Inland Congregations United for Change, a nonprofit community organization in San Bernardino, sent out teams with water and ice. They found a number of people who had been in the blazing sun for hours, afraid to return home. Some had run out of water as temperatures soared to 113 degrees, eating grapes off the vine in an attempt to stay hydrated. "There [were] people who are elderly, who need medication," said J. Reyes Lopez, who works with the organization. Officials later confirmed that the multiple-agency operation led by the Drug Enforcement Administration had detained 70 to 75 undocumented individuals - part of the Trump administration's immigration enforcement effort. In the days that followed, there were lasting impacts in the fields. "Many [workers] have not returned to work, especially those with small children," said TODEC's Reyes. And for those who did return, it soon became clear that they were expected to do the same amount of work, only now with fewer people. The summer of 2024 saw record-breaking heat in Southern California, and experts predict 2025 will be just as bad, if not worse. These rising temperatures - largely due to climate change - have serious effects on the health of workers and their families, said Arturo Vargas Bustamante, a UCLA professor of health policy and management. Exposure to extreme heat can trigger or exacerbate a raft of health issues such as cramps, strokes and cardiovascular and kidney disease, as well as mental health issues. :::: It's not just agricultural workers who are affected. Car wash employees often are exposed to direct heat without regular access to water or breaks, said Flor Rodriguez, executive director of the CLEAN Carwash Worker Center. Because that industry has become a target for enforcement operations, car wash owners have had to hire staff to replace workers who have been apprehended or who no longer come in because they fear they could be next. That often means hiring younger or less experienced people who are unfamiliar with workplace conditions and protections. "The most dangerous day for you at work is your first day," said Sheheryar Kaoosji, executive director of the Warehouse Worker Resource Center. Even when workers feel physically unsafe, Kaoosji said, they may fail to speak up, due to fears about job security. When that happens, he said, "preventative tactics like breaks, cooling down, drinking water, don't happen." Itzel - a recipient of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals policy whose family lives in Long Beach - has seen the same patterns among her co-workers in the landscaping industry. "They wanna get to the job site early and they want to leave as early as they can," she said. "They're not taking their breaks. … They're not taking their lunches." When they do, it's often for 30 minutes or less, with many choosing to eat behind closed gates rather than under the shade of a tree if it means they can remain better hidden. Overexertion under peak heat, noted Javier Hernandez, executive director of the Inland Coalition for Immigrant Justice, is becoming a survival strategy - a way to reduce exposure to ICE, even at the cost of physical health. Heat, unlike more visible workplace hazards, often goes unreported and unrecognized, especially in industries where workers are temporary, undocumented or unfamiliar with their rights. "There's a huge undercount of the number of people who are impacted by heat," Kaoosji said. "Heat is really complicated." And with ICE presence now reported at clinics and hospitals, access to medical care has been compromised. "It's just another way for people - these communities - to be terrorized," Kaoosji said. In the Inland Empire, where summer temperatures regularly climb into the triple digits, Hernandez said many families are now making impossible choices: Do they turn on the air conditioning or buy groceries? Do they stay inside and risk heat exhaustion, or go outside and risk being taken? These questions have reshaped Isabel's life. She now goes to work only a few days a week, when she feels safe enough to leave her children. That means there's not enough money to cover the bills. Isabel and her family now spend most of the day confined to a single room in their mobile home, the only one with air conditioning. Their electricity bill has rocketed from $80 to $250 a month. So far, her family has been able to make partial payments to the utility, but she fears what will happen if their electricity gets cut off, as has happened to some of her neighbors. Before the raids, Isabel's family would cool off at a nearby stream, go to air-conditioned shops or grab a raspado, or shaved ice. But in the face of heightened enforcement, these sorts of routines have largely been abandoned. "Those are very simple things," Hernandez said, "but they are very meaningful to families." Fear also makes it difficult to spend time at public cooling centers, libraries or other public buildings that in theory could offer an escape from the heat. Isabel's youngest child isn't used to staying quiet for long periods, and she worries they'll draw attention in unfamiliar public spaces. "I do my best to keep them cool," Isabel said, explaining that she now resorts to bathing her children regularly as one cooling strategy. Itzel's father, who is undocumented, hasn't left his apartment in over a month out of fear of immigration enforcement actions. He used to make up to $6,000 a month as a trucker - now, he can't afford to turn on his air conditioning. Where once there were weekend walks, family barbecues, trips to the park or the beach to cool down, now there is isolation. "We're basically in a cell," Itzel said. "This is worse than COVID. At least with COVID, we could walk around the block." The same has been true for Mirtha, a naturalized citizen who lives in Maywood with her husband, whose immigration status is uncertain, and their five U.S.-born children. In previous summers, her family - which includes four special needs children - relied on public spaces, such as parks, splash pads, shopping centers and community centers to cool down. Now her family spends most of the time isolated and indoors. Even critical errands such as picking up medications or groceries have shifted to nighttime hours for safety reasons. Meanwhile, her husband, a cook, stopped working altogether in early June due to fear of deportation. Even turning on their one small air conditioner has become a financial decision. Constant fear, confinement and oppressive heat has worsened her children's mental and physical well-being, she said. Staying indoors has also led to serious health challenges for Mirtha herself, who suffers from high blood pressure and other medical conditions. On a particularly hot day on June 21, Mirtha got so sick she ended up in the hospital. "My high blood pressure got too high. I started having tachycardia," she said. Despite Mirtha's citizenship status, she hesitated to call emergency services, and instead had her husband drive her and drop her off at the emergency room entrance. :::: Summer temperatures continue to rise and enforcement operations keep expanding. "We're only seeing the beginning," said Mar Velez, policy director at the Latino Coalition for a Healthy California. "People are suffering silently." Jason De León, a UCLA professor of anthropology and Chicana/o and Central American studies, warns that deportations taking place in the summer will also probably force many to reattempt border crossings under the most dangerous conditions of the year. "We're not only putting people in harm's way in the United States," he said, "but then by deporting them in the summer … those folks are going to now be running this kind of deadly gantlet through the desert again. They are going to attempt to come back to the only life that many folks have, the only life they've ever known." Isabel insists they're here for one thing: to work. "We came here just to work, we want to be allowed to work," she said. "Not to feel like we do now, just going out and hiding." More than anything, "we want to be again like we were before - free." Copyright (C) 2025, Tribune Content Agency, LLC. Portions copyrighted by the respective providers.
