A Fantastical Parade of Mobile Sculptures Races Through Baltimore

New York Times

05-05-2025

Visuals by Matt Roth
Text by Simon J. Levien The Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race, a psychedelic Mardi Gras-style triathlon, drew thousands on Saturday to watch 29 wacky, human-powered contraptions tackle obstacles over a 15-mile course with uphill climbs, sand, mud and a plunge into the city harbor.The campy race — now in its 25th running — celebrates visionary art, works that transcend the physical world. Some sculptures take a year to build and test; others were welded together days before, but all must pass safety checks. The host of the race, the American Visionary Art Museum, kicked it off with flair: A man dressed as a nun blessed the racers' feet, a gong sounded and the costumed participants ran — or tumbled — down Federal Hill to their vehicles.For much of the route, the race was a lumbering parade that snaked through the city.
Supporters waved from porches, drivers rubbernecked and honked, and al fresco diners gawked with bewilderment. 'You're pedaling furiously and not a lot is happening. That's the kinetic sculpture race!' said Aaron Bard, whose MacBath vehicle was a cross between Shakespeare and a bathtub. Fifi, a 15-foot sculpture of a pink poodle that was the museum's vehicle and mascot, crashed into tree branches and raced onward with a crooked head.
Many teams made pit stops for repairs, and rule breaches were often smoothed over with bribes to judges — gifts that included BLTs and rubber ducks. David Hess, 60, has entered every race since its 1999 inception. His team's elaborate two-ton, nine-person Scottish platypus float, fitted with parts from a Suzuki off-roader, won the esprit de corps award. (Platypus, by the way, stood for Personal Long-range All-Terrain Yacht Proven UnSafe.)Mr. Hess, a metal sculptor from Phoenix, Md., said that the race was sculpture in its purest form.
'It's not monetized. It's a gift to spectators,' said Mr. Hess, who was wearing a kilt. 'It's what art should be.' Hundreds of onlookers hollered as three teenagers pedaled a bright purple sculpture of a giant cardboard bear on wheels and crashed it into Baltimore harbor.The vehicle, Bear Essentials (a bunch of bikes rigged together with flotation devices and a platform between them), turned out to be not so buoyant.
The riders, students from the Park School of Baltimore, plunged into the water as the bear split from the chassis, which turned on its side. Crew members dragged out of the water the sopping wet bear, which began disintegrating and later became headless. Another team member pumped its chest in a futile act of CPR.'It was epic!' said Danielle Nekimken, a Park teacher and team member. 'Everyone loves a good fiasco.'
The race is not the only such event in the country. The most extreme competition, the Kinetic Grand Championship, is held annually in Humboldt County, Calif., spans three days and covers about 50 miles. In Baltimore, 'mud doctors' — volunteers wearing white coveralls mimicking the look of hazmat suits — readied the final obstacle of the race: a shin-deep mud pit in Patterson Park. With a rope tug or a hearty push, many vehicles navigated the uphill slog, but the last team to arrive was the one that won fans' hearts.
A five-person Lego-themed vehicle, Kinetic Cruiser, from the Jemicy School in Owings Mills, Md., got stuck in the muck. 'Heave! Heave! Heave!' teammates shouted, inching forward for about 20 minutes.One member jumped atop the mud-caked wheels and forced them to turn. When the sweat-soaked team finally broke free, the crowd cheered.
Not every vehicle finishes the race. Last year, the Park School of Baltimore's bear-themed Statue of Liberty broke an axle at the starting line, earning the Golden Dinosaur, an accolade for the earliest breakdown. One race rule requires that teams carry a homemade sock creature on board.One entrant, 'Sorry for Party Socking,' was a huge sock monkey marionette that Adnan A. Khera, a Baltimore anesthesiologist, made with the hope of winning best sock creature.
Unfortunately for his team, Theo Plum, the 5-year-old judge for that award category, was unswayed. Dr. Khera also hoped the sculpture would float in the harbor. When the monkey marionette reached the water, team members folded it up onto rafts carried by swimsuit-clad pallbearers. Then they unceremoniously flung the sculpture off the ramp.
'Now, it's a pile of laundry,' said Luke H. Clippinger, a contest judge wearing a barrister's wig and robe. Well, who won Saturday's race?
Every team took home some hardware. But the top honor, Grand Mediocre Champion, went to Wheel Horse, a red tractor-like contraption with fins, for finishing in the middle of the pack.