Is it now compulsory to bankrupt your pals on hen or stag dos abroad?

The Herald Scotland

a day ago

It starts with the dreaded WhatsApp group. You quickly mute it, check to see if you know any other members. Watch in terror as the two-day spa getaway turns into a seven-day Ibiza beach club crawl. Before you know it, you're expected to fork over a £600 deposit or risk looking like a terrible friend. Then there are the flights, the accommodation, the restaurant bills, the bottles of fizz for the fridge, the boat trip, the matching outfits. It all adds up.
You might be close with the person of honour, but oftentimes you end up bunking with someone you've never met and can't wait to shake as soon as the flight home lands. You might very well touch down sunburnt, in debt, and hungover with no intention of speaking to your former bestie ever again. Only you have to attend their home hen the following week, then their stag/hen, then their wedding, then their post-wedding brunch.
Most of us these days are time-poor and cash-strapped. It is something friends and I discuss often, opting to sip wine in the flat and watch Real Housewives instead of going out for dinner or heading to the cinema. But this spirit of logic seems to leave our bodies when we approach the big milestones of adulthood (as if we are the only person in the universe that will ever mark said occasion).
I think these abroad celebrations are out of control. A scourge on friendships across the country. I would go as far as to say, they might be one of the most selfish acts you can inflict on your nearest and dearest. Whether it is a hen, stag or important birthday, at what point did we decide that it was socially acceptable to bankrupt our friends? A day or night is no longer enough. Life's big moments have been repackaged as mega-budget spectacles, but for whom?
It was not always this way. The concept started slowly in the early 2000s with the rise of budget holidays, before going abroad for stag and hen parties exploded in the mid-2010s. A survey conducted in 2014 revealed that more than 1 million Brits headed overseas for stag or hen parties in a year. It was around the same time that Instagram was gaining momentum. Instagram stories and influencer marketing shifted the dial on what a party should look like. I think the social media platform single-handedly bastardised the concept of honouring important moments with the people we love, morphing them into a performative circus.
The days when a pub crawl or dinner and dancing could suffice for a shindig are long gone. Now, a typical stag or hen do in the UK can cost up to £779, soaring to £1,208 if you go abroad, according to a survey from 2023. And much of the revelry seems to revolve around creating content for social media. But unless you are footing the bill for your swanky, self-indulgent getaway, you should get your head checked.
When I scroll through Instagram, the stories and posts from glamorous celebrities and influencers are seamlessly intermingled with the normal pictures and videos shared by my friends. I get it. Somewhere along the line, the idea that we can all live like royalty embedded itself in our subconscious. People see a constant carousel of lavish bashes, opulent tablescapes, and polished #TeamBride TikToks and feel like they are somehow deficient if they don't get the same experience. But you can have an incredible bash without leaving the country or breaking the bank. It should be about spending quality time with those you love rather than finally breaking 100 on the like-counter.
I asked a friend of mine who attends so many of these things, I'm convinced she has a Time-Turner. She says everyone is traumatised by them, but luckily her experiences have all worked out okay. Her advice for making it work is to start the planning well in advance if you're the star and it's your show. If you're the one getting the invites, be selective about the ones you go on. 'If you go with the right group of people that you really get on with, it won't feel like a hen, it will just be like a holiday with your besties, which you never regret,' she says. 'But if you go along to one because you love the hen but don't know the rest of the party…you will struggle.'
It is very hard to get people together these days to do anything. That might have something to do with the explosion in life event-related travel. A weekend away somewhere also makes sense if the various attendees are dispersed throughout the country. We just need to come back down to earth a little bit. If you can afford a lavish 'do, then by all means, go all out. But if you're trying to corral a dozen friends from a dozen friend groups to recreate the idyllic 30th birthday party you saw Dua Lipa attending in the mountains of Mallorca, you might be setting yourself up for a few frayed friendships.
Marissa MacWhirter is a columnist and feature writer at The Herald, and the editor of The Glasgow Wrap. The newsletter is curated between 5-7am each morning, bringing the best of local news to your inbox each morning without ads, clickbait, or hyperbole. Oh, and it's free. She can be found on X @marissaamayy1