Which Labour politicians might defect to the new far-Left party, FAB?
That's how Jeremy Corbyn was described when he was told of (now former Labour) MP Zarah Sultana's announcement that she was about to become a co-leader, along with Jezza, of a new party. But it's also an appropriate and accurate way to describe what the new party will be all about: furious at everything and bewildered that so few people agree with them.
There have been rumours of such a development for weeks, but it looks as if Corbyn was somewhat left out of the loop when it came to the formal launch of FAB at eight o'clock last night on Twitter.
The former Labour leader has already formed the Independent Alliance with four other MPs who were elected on an anti-Israel platform, a grouping that young Zarah clearly hopes could yet provide the foundations of FAB.
But who else might join this ragtag team of misfits and ne'er-do-wells that aims to break the mould of British politics because that's never been tried before?
No doubt Zarah and her fellow co-leader* have already started putting out feelers in the direction of other likely recruits, other Labour MPs (and perhaps others) who are as disillusioned with life in government as she is and, frankly, was always going to be. For Zarah is an oppositionalist politician, always more comfortable to be complaining about what others are doing rather than taking responsibility for the tough decisions that are part and parcel of government. How many others feel the same way and how likely are they to cross that Rubicon into the uncertainty of a breakaway party?
Apsana Begum
The Poplar and Limehouse MP has by far the most attractive CV of any of FAB's potential recruits, holding a postgraduate diploma in community leadership and extensive experience as a Workforce Diversity Project Officer and an Equality and Diversity Officer. It's hard to imagine better qualifications if your aim is to appeal to the disillusioned working classes of Britain. Apsana, one of seven siblings, lost the Labour whip last year for voting against the two-child benefit threshold. She still hasn't been welcomed back to the party and if she calculates that that's not going to happen before the next election, she has nothing to lose by joining FAB's growing ranks. Opposes Israel.
Chances of defecting: 105 per cent.
John McDonnell
This would be a major coup for FAB and its collective leadership. The Hayes and Harlington MP is another to whom the whip has still not been returned after last year's rebellion over the two-child benefit limit. McDonnell is a former shadow chancellor and one of the hard Left's most effective media performers. Still, he is known to retain a high level of loyalty to his current party and might be difficult to shift. His former support for the IRA would certainly not go down badly with those currently running FAB. McDonnell once said: 'I'm not in the Labour party because I'm a believer of the Labour party as some supreme body or something God-given or anything like that. It's a tactic. It's as simple as that. If it's no longer a useful vehicle, move on.' Maybe that time is now, John?
Chances of defecting: 50 per cent.
Richard 'Zionism is the enemy of peace' Burgon
The Leeds East MP is back in the Labour fold after his dalliance with rebellion last year (on the same issue that his colleagues were disciplined) so has more to lose than those who are currently without the whip. On the other hand, 'furious and bewildered' could hardly be more accurately used to describe any current serving Labour MP. Famous for having accepted the post of shadow economic secretary to the Treasury while in opposition yet managing to avoid speaking to anyone from the City for more than a month. Will long be remembered for his encounter with Sky News's Kay Burley before the 2019 election:
'The polls say you won't win.'
'The polls said we wouldn't win last time!'
'But you didn't.'
Chances of defecting: 62 per cent.
Rebecca Long-Bailey
Once the far-Left standard bearer in Jeremy Corbyn's shadow cabinet, Long-Bailey came second to Keir Starmer in the 2020 leadership election, having begun her campaign by announcing that she would score Corbyn's leadership at '10 out of 10', although close friends say she would have awarded a higher mark had Corbyn managed not to lose both general elections he led the party into.
Chances of defecting: 75 per cent.
Tony Blair
A bit of an outlier, admittedly, but if FAB wanted to grab headlines and essential publicity for their new venture they would certainly succeed by persuading the former Labour prime minister to hop on board. And it would lend a unique energy to party debates about foreign affairs.
Chances of defecting: Less than zero.
* It's unclear if Jez has even agreed to serve as a co-leader. It all sounds a bit Greens.
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an hour ago
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QUENTIN LETTS: Step forward Comrades Corbyn and Sultana! It demands a special sort of dimness and self regard to make such a bungle of the launch of a new political party
Historians may – or, there again, may not – record that the Left's tectonic plates shifted at 8.11pm on Thursday. That was when Coventry South MP Zarah Sultana pressed the button on her electronic device and posted a message on X to say she was quitting Labour to 'co-lead the founding of a new party' with Jeremy Corbyn. 'The time is now,' announced Comrade Sultana, 31. 'We are not going to take this any more. In 2029 the choice will be stark: socialism or barbarism.' Barbarism! The balloon had gone up. Leftist civil war had been declared. It was 'action stations' and 'en garde' and 'red alert', with the emphasis on the red. A Leftist breakaway movement had been expected for months, rumours building like summer thunder clouds. On Wednesday evening, with Labour rocked by parliamentary divisions over welfare cuts and with crisis surrounding the future of that leaky bucket Rachel Reeves, Mr Corbyn revealed an inch of ankle on ITV. 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Despite Ms Sultana's 'the time is now' claim, the time was meant to have been later, possibly on the eve of the Labour Party conference in the autumn when it might have had considerably more impact. But now the semi-secret was out, and it was running up and down the cloisters of Westminster with nothing to cover its modesty. They may be socialist egalitarians but Lefties are just as good at hating each other as Brexity Right-wingers. If anything, they do it with less humour. You only had to look at the sulphurous scenes in the Commons during Tuesday's welfare debate. Even after the Government had caved in, Labour MPs such as Andy McDonald, Imran Hussain and Ian Lavery were foul to the Government. What they now must think of Zarah Sultana, one dreads to think. To launch a political party is quite something. To bungle the launch of one is even more of an achievement. It demands a special type of dimness, muddle and vaunting self-regard. 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The People's Front of Judaea is the knot of political obsessives in Monty Python's Life Of Brian film, set in 1st century AD Jerusalem. When asked if they are the Judaean People's Front, or indeed the Popular Front, these scowling nutters become infuriated. 'The only people we hate more than the Romans are the f****** Judaean People's Front!' spits the ringleader, Reg. These days Reg might possibly be called Jeremy. Monty Python's satire harpoons the fragmentising nature of party politics. With each bifurcation, each indignant walk-out by politicians in proud possession of their most precious principles, movements become smaller and rivalries only increase. Eventually you end up with tiny cabals of harrumphing prigs who are more concerned about their pet causes than they are in trying to form a broad party that might, to quote the Book of Common Prayer, allow the country to be 'godly and quietly governed'. Quietness, however, is not really Zarah Sultana's thing. 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