Interpersonal Glue: The Unexpected Element Missing From Your Work Life

Forbes

20-06-2025

Julie Kantor, PhD - Business Psychologist, Author, Executive Coach, Strategic Partner and Facilitator.
It is not a new trend that work relationships matter. But lately, many of my clients are so busy with work that they "don't have time to chat." And they certainly don't have time for other "social stuff" at work.
I know everyone is busy. But chatting with, connecting with and supporting each other are essential parts of your job.
It's also not new for me to focus on the human aspect of work. Decades ago, my master's thesis ("Social Support On and Off the Job") explored what impacted well-being and compared social support at work versus social support at home. By far, the best predictor of well-being was social support at work. A good boss and/or a supportive team made all the difference.
After all, consider how much time you spend at the office. Or how you've felt when you've been in a bad workplace versus the feelings you get when you have a great manager.
My motto at the time: Be nice to your co-workers.
Many years (and one book) later, I've broadened my view. More than support, interpersonal glue is what makes the difference. This is the kind of bond that forms when you go beyond tasks and connect as people. It's that magical, sometimes awkward, social adhesive that bonds us together as actual humans, rather than just "Jordan in accounting" or "Drew who sends emails at 5 p.m. on Fridays."
Sending an email asking "How's the project going?" just isn't enough, especially if the project is challenging. For starters, without any interpersonal glue, you may not even get a response to that email. And if you do, you'll likely get a superficial update. You certainly won't learn why things aren't moving along or about any snags. When we only interact about the work at hand, these transactional connections can easily break under pressure.
It's our personal bonds that keep us connected to plow through challenges, together. This invisible adhesive binds us on a human level, creating resilience that withstands challenges. If I like you, I'll work with you through thick and thin.
Interpersonal glue consists of several key elements:
• Shared experiences that transcend work discussions create memory bonds that strengthen over time.
• Personal story exchanges that build understanding and empathy between colleagues who might otherwise remain distant.
• Informal moments, whether celebrating birthdays or chatting about weekend plans, lay a foundation of genuine human connection.
I'm not suggesting you need to share your deep, dark secrets, especially not in the middle of quarterly planning. But there's a delightful middle ground between "strictly business" and "knows my medical history."
Here are a few real-life examples I've heard recently:
• "We were talking about hobbies, and I found someone else who was into ice sailing." (Personally, I didn't even know it was a thing.)
• "My video froze on my most unflattering facial expression during a disastrous client meeting. It's now an inside joke between my team and me."
• "When I got back from my vacation, my boss asked to see pictures rather than blasting me about the work I missed. And boy, did I miss a lot."
Want to build better bonds with your colleagues? Try these slightly uncomfortable, but ultimately rewarding approaches:
Not every conversation has to be about project status. Take five minutes to ask your colleague about their weekend or what they're looking forward to. And really listen. Any good restaurants? Movies? Let conversations wander.
Connection is a two-way street. Share a story, a challenge or even a quirky hobby. When you offer something personal, you create space for others to do the same.
Maybe the barista got your weird coffee order correct. Or maybe you spilled your coffee as you were running late.
Don't wait for birthdays or big wins. Celebrate small milestones, personal achievements or simply getting through a tough week. A quick "well done" or "you handled that with grace" can go a long way.
Everyone has a birthday. Everyone has work anniversaries. Almost everyone likes cake. Plan simple but unique ways to acknowledge them that bring everyone together.
A daily hello and goodbye go a long way toward creating glue.
That grumpy team member might be dealing with a flooded basement or a teenager who just got their driver's license (arguably worse than the flood). A simple "How are you—really?" can work wonders.
In a world of multitasking, being fully present is rare and powerful. Put down your phone. Make eye contact. Listen without immediately solving. These small behaviors tell others, "You matter."
Interpersonal glue doesn't appear overnight. It's built through intentional effort, day by day. But once it's there, it becomes the unshakeable bond that makes good teams great and great teams unstoppable.
And so, here's my ask of you: This week, have one conversation that isn't about deliverables, deadlines or the report that was due yesterday.
Instead, ask about a photo on someone's desk. Ask about an upcoming vacation. Share your catastrophic attempt to make bread. Or admit that you binge-watched an entire season of a reality show over the weekend. All mini steps to build interpersonal glue.
Go forth and get sticky.
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