Return of Saudagar
Megalomaniacs turn up the heat, we grab the popcorn
We always knew this day would come – the epic fallout between the richest man in the world and the most powerful. A bromance between megalomaniacs was never built to last. As a recovering Bollywood addict, I can't help but think of Saudagar (1991). Like the film's titans – Veeru Singh (Dilip Kumar) and Rajeshwar Singh (Raaj Kumar) – Trump and Musk have transformed from best friends to blood enemies.
Remember when they danced through metaphorical meadows plotting to dismantle old empires, singing 'Is jangal main hum do sher, chal ghar jaldi crypto beche pher?' – Kings of the jungle cooking crypto gravy. Musk once declared he loved Trump 'as much as a straight man can love a man'. Trump gave him magical powers beyond any law.
Then came the schemers. Chuniya (played by JD Vance – sorry, Amrish Puri) and Baliram (played by Steve Bannon – sorry again, Gulshan Grover) set fire to the friendship. Suddenly accusations fly. Veeru hints at Epstein files, Rajeshwar threatens federal contracts.
Somewhere, Dilip Kumar delivers the killer line: 'Hum tumhe marenge aur zaroor marenge, lekin woh kanoon bhi humara hoga, policy bhi humari hogi, aur waqt bhi humara hoga' – We will get you, law is ours, policy is ours, time will be ours. The only suspense? Who 'humara' will be – MAGA or the billionaire oligarch libertarian cabal battling for America's future.
Today's kids won't know the joy of front-row seats at Priya cinema, but they can re-experience Saudagar by logging onto X and Truth Social to watch these ex-yaars hurl insults and subpoenas. Musk now hints at bankrolling Trump's opposition, declaring: 'Jab Musk dosti nibhata hai, toh Starlink free kar deta hai. Aur jab dushmani karta hai, toh blue checkmarks chheen leta hai' – In friendship he gave free Starlink, in feud he will take away the blue tick.
Trump's flex isn't far behind. 'Yeh Thakur Trump, itihaas batata naheen, executive order likhta hai' – Forget history, Thakur writes executive orders.
Will they reconcile in the third act? Will Chuniya twirl his hair and whisper 'Balirama, telephone kat kar, Tesla ko short kar' – Let's start shorting Tesla. Who knows. All I know is I'm grabbing popcorn for this battle royale. As they said in Saudagar, 'There is no worse enemy than a man who was once a friend.'
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