I got breast cancer at 30. My treatment means I'll need to delay having kids for 5 to 10 years.
I froze my eggs ahead of my partial mastectomy; treatment means I can't get pregnant for five years.
I resent that I have to wait to build a family, but grateful for the chance at survival.
When I turned 30, it felt like I was stepping into a new chapter. My partner and I had spent most of our 20s together and were finally in a place where planning for the future felt tangible.
After a few difficult years, including the sudden loss of my father and several career missteps, I found myself longing for something joyful and grounding. I wanted purpose, direction, and maybe even a little stability. For the first time, I began picturing myself as a mom.
Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I was shocked when I got my diagnosis
I was diagnosed by accident.
I had gone years without seeing a gynecologist. During a routine check-up, I casually mentioned this to my primary care physician, who offered to do a quick breast exam"just in case." That's when she felt a lump.
I mentioned that I'd recently been laid off and was in between jobs, without insurance. She told me to reach out once I had coverage and she'd write a prescription for a mammogram. On the drive home, I felt a quiet but urgent instinct not to wait. As soon as I got home, I called her back and asked for the prescription.
After a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy, I received my diagnosis: stage 1 estrogen receptor-positive, progesterone receptor-positive invasive ductal carcinoma. I couldn't make sense of what I was hearing.
Nothing about me fit the narrative I'd grown up believing about who gets breast cancer. I have no family history, don't carry the BRCA gene mutation or any other genetic markers linked to increased risk. What was once seen as a medical anomaly is becoming increasingly common among women my age.
My treatment plan included a partial mastectomy, four weeks of daily radiation treatments, and a daily hormone therapy regimen of Tamoxifen, prescribed for five to 10 years, depending on how my system responds.
Tamoxifen, often prescribed to treat hormone-positive breast cancer, suppresses estrogen and simulates menopause. It comes with a parade of side effects, including hot flashes, weight gain, and unpredictable mood swings.
I learned I can't get pregnant during my treatment
Then came a very different kind of blow. Pregnancy while on the medication is strongly discouraged due to the risk of serious complications, including birth defects, miscarriage, and stillbirth. Beyond that, the hormonal surge associated with pregnancy before completing treatment could increase the likelihood of a cancer recurrence.
I was scheduled for surgery just one month after my diagnosis. And two weeks before the procedure, my oncologist urged me to freeze my eggs. She explained that pregnancy wouldn't be advised until I was at least 35 due to the complications that could be caused by Tamoxifen — an age that, however dated or insulting it sounds, qualifies as a "geriatric pregnancy" by medical standards.
I dissociated my way through a blur of hormone injections, blood draws, and invasive procedures that I barely had time to process.
Thankfully, I was spared the financial burden, an immense relief amid the mental, emotional, and physical toll. In 2018, my home state of Connecticut became the first in the nation to require insurance coverage for fertility preservation in cancer patients.
Delaying motherhood isn't my choice
Though my treatment plan gives me the best chance at survival, it comes at a cost. I'm losing the ability to choose when I want to have kids, and now, I won't be able to have them before 35 at the earliest — possibly as late as 40.
I resent that, like it or not, I'll have to be an "old mom" before I ever had the chance to be a "young" one. So far, my partner has been supportive. But I know he always pictured himself becoming a dad sooner rather than later. And when I see him play with our friends' kids, I feel a pang of guilt I can't always ignore.
Now we're stuck in limbo while our friends move forward — throwing baby showers, assembling cribs, and posting first-day-of-school photos. I picture myself at preschool, the silver-haired mom whose knees crack at circle time. And I hate that I care. But I do.
Then, there's navigating the dissonance between medical necessity and personal expectation. By my 30s, I expected to have it all figured out — career, family, identity. But my timeline was taken from me, redrawn by scans and blood tests, follow-ups, and daily pills.
There's also no villain here, no one to blame. It's just a sterile, clinical equation guiding huge decisions about my future.
I don't know what's next, but I'm still grateful
I'm grateful to be here. I know many people diagnosed with breast cancer never get to consider family planning at all. But I also want to be honest about the loss, the uncertainty, and the weird in-between space where you're healthy but still healing, coping but still grieving the version of your life that never got to happen.
I don't know what comes next. Maybe the family I envisioned is still on the way, just a little later than I thought. This isn't the path I planned, but it's the one I'm on. And for now, that has to be enough.
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This type of treatment can also help you live longer. Targeted therapy can be used to help other types of treatment work better or in place of other interventions that aren't effective. One type of targeted therapy is an antibody drug conjugate, such as sacituzumab govitecan (Trodelvy). This attaches itself to a specific protein in the cancer cell to directly deliver chemotherapy to it. If you have a BRCA mutation, your doctor may recommend taking olaparib (Lynparza) or talazoparib (Talzenna). Radiation Radiation treatment is recommended if you elect for breast conservation with a lumpectomy. It can also be used if you've had a mastectomy with positive lymph nodes. Radiation treatment uses high energy radiation that destroys remaining breast cancer cells. There are two types of radiation treatment: external beam radiation and internal radiation. During external beam radiation, a machine outside your body will direct radiation to the target area. For brachytherapy, or internal radiation, a healthcare professional will place radioactive material inside your body, next to the cancer site. Clinical trials Clinical trials are research studies using human volunteers. Trials are available for all stages of cancer. If you're part of a clinical trial, you might have advanced access to new treatments. By participating in a trial, you will also contribute to improving medical knowledge and progress in cancer treatments. You can discuss the option of a clinical trial with your doctor. You can also find more information through the following online resources: Treatment considerations Your unique circumstances determine the approach to TNBC treatment. Your care team will develop a specific treatment plan based on your situation. In some cases, you'll have surgery first to remove the cancerous tumor, followed by other treatments to reduce the risk of cancer coming back, helping prolong your life. In other cases, you'll undergo treatment first to help shrink the tumors before having them surgically removed. Follow-up treatment may then also be recommended after surgery. People diagnosed with stage 4 TNBC rarely undergo surgery or radiation. However, they may be prescribed stronger types of chemotherapy, targeted therapy, or immunotherapy — or different combinations of these treatments — to help improve outcomes. Personalized treatment approach Newer treatment options, such as targeted therapy and immunotherapy, have advanced the personalized approach to TNBC treatment. The BRCA mutation may present an opportunity for a precision treatment approach. It occurs in about 20% to 30% of TNBC cancer instances and responds to treatment using poly (ADP-ribose) polymerase (PARP) inhibitors. Using pembrolizumab to target PD-1 is another personalized approach for TNBC cancer cells with this protein. For more advanced TNBC where other treatments aren't effective, using sacituzumab govitecan can be another personalized option. Research is also ongoing to determine whether the aggressive nature of TNBC in Black women is because of health issues such as obesity or factors like socioeconomic status, healthcare access, or cultural practices. This may lead to much-needed precision treatment approaches for Black women. However, TNBC can still be challenging to treat. This is mainly due to its aggressive nature and lack of certain protein receptors. There are also few outlook (related to a person's overall outcome, regardless of therapy) and predictive (related specifically to treatment outcomes) biomarkers. Outlook The National Cancer Institute (NCI) maintains a database called the Surveillance, Epidemiology, and End Results Program (SEER). The SEER database tracks 5-year relative survival rates by grouping cancers into categories based on how far they've spread. 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