'Irish taxpayers should charge Michael O'Leary a few little extras on big bonus'
Anyone who has ever torn open a minimum-wage payslip would have recognised the sense of disillusionment.
That moment when you see the pesky taxman has taken his skim off the top and your heart sinks a little.
And for Ryanair's rock star CEO Michael O'Leary, that pain is a lot greater than for the rest of us regular working saps.
You see, Mick has bagged a €100 million bonus for guiding the budget airline to bumper profits.
Asked about it on RTE, he scoffed at the suggestion it was a corporate record. Seemingly other big shots in the city get these fat pay-outs all the time.
He then had radio listeners reaching for the violins when he declared the first thing he would have to do with this bonus. A Ryanair plane comes in to land at Dublin Airport during Storm Isha (Image: Collins Photos)
Buy a private jet? A racehorse? Maybe an island?
No, sir. The first thing he would have to do is hand over €55 million of it to the Irish exchequer.
Or to me and you in other words.
Mick has never been a man to suffer fools in that classic euphemism that defines a certain no-nonsense kind of bossman.
And he left no doubt that's who he feels would be in charge of his tax dollars.
Fools who could then give it all to the OPW to blow on a "bike shed or a security hut", he jibed.
In Mick's worldview, you wouldn't trust the taxman to take a prize heifer to the Mullingar mart and not swap it for a handful of magic beans on the way.
It's pretty clear the Ryanair boss doesn't see the privilege of being a paid-up citizen of the Republic as much bang for his hard-earned bonus bucks.
After all, what has the Republic ever done for Mick except elect gobsh**e ministers who cap his capacity to send more people on city breaks to the arse-ends of eastern Europe in February?
Well, unless you count the airports maybe. The runways? Then there's the roads and buses that herd his paying punters to the planes of course.
Or the functioning democracy and stable economy that mean the bums on seats have the few quid to afford the little luxury of an annual family holiday. Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary (Image: PA Wire/PA Images)
But c'mere a minute Mick, surely you didn't think that €55 million was an end of it?
It's there in black and white in the 427 pages of Ireland Inc. T&Cs. That's just the entry-level price to enjoy the privilege of living in your Westmeath estate as a law-abiding taxpayer.
But we can't help noticing your family want to live beside you in the same county? Eh, that'll be another €10 million thanks, or they might have to go reside in Leitrim.
And obviously that basic rate of tax entitles you to all the privileges of citizenship, but who said anything about your belongings? They'll have to pay their own way clearly, unless you want to go around in the nip. Will we say €5 million?
And if you don't mind us saying, it takes the State a bit more fuel to carry your fat billionaire lifestyle. You do know you're a member of a class that pollutes the earth more in 90 minutes than the rest of us do in a lifetime?
Not to mention Ryanair being in the top 10 polluting companies in Europe.
So there will be the small matter of a voluntary carbon tax donation to offset all that damage and havoc – shall we call it another ten mill between friends?
By our calculations that brings the total to €80 million. Which still leaves you with the makings of a memorable weekend in Yerevan.
We'll even throw in a free jingle of the national anthem when your cheque lands.
Thanks for choosing to pay tax with us today. Now can we interest you in buying the National Lottery?
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