Gary Cooke: ‘With the football team formerly known as Manchester United, it feels that hope is gone'

Irish Times

26-04-2025

How agreeable are you?
Agreeable? I would say yes, although I heard a psychologist say that agreeable people tend to get paid much less and disagreeable people a whole lot more.
What's your middle name and what do you think of it?
My middle name is Colin, but I don't use it. It wasn't a Confirmation middle name, and there's no other family member called Colin. It was just a name my parents liked.
What's your favourite place in Ireland?
My favourite place is where I come from, which is Howth. I live in
Baldoyle
, west
Howth
(laughs). It's a place where I grew up and where I spend most of my time. The views of Dublin Bay and all that openness are why I would say it's my favourite. I quite like Cork, too. I haven't been there for a long time, but it's got such a sense of identity that I just like physically being there.
Describe yourself in three words.
Decent, searching, 60.
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When did you last get angry?
Last night. I was playing tennis, but it had nothing to do with the game. It was just niggling injuries, endless knee and tendon problems. They won't go away; they're embedded like an algorithm. I don't play tennis so much now because of various injuries, but it was something I spent a lot of time trying to get good at. We didn't play a full match, but I'd say if we had, I would have lost.
What have you lost that you would like to have back?
A sense of the future, that open-ended thing rolling out right in front of you and seeing beyond the horizon. I miss the optimistic days of
Alex Ferguson
and
Manchester United
– they went on for a long time and, even with some lows in between, it felt like something could happen. Those things are very much like glue in your life, they give you a sense of hope. I understand why people support football teams because they give people that sense of hope, but nowadays, with the football team formerly known as Manchester United, it feels that hope is gone, and hope being gone is not a nice thing.
What is your strongest childhood memory?
Playing football in the garden with my mates. Yeah, just endless days of playing football and hanging out, on our bikes, that kind of stuff. In those days, it didn't take very much to put you in a really happy place. The other thing is that as kids, we were very elastic. You might have fights or disagreements, but 10 seconds later, we'd be best friends again.
Where do you come in your family's birth order, and has this defined you?
I am the second of two. It's very hard to get away from the fact that you're always used to having somebody who is older. Being second means you're a silver medallist, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Barry Murphy, Gary Cooke and Risteard Cooper in Après Match
What do you expect to happen when you die?
I expect the lights to go out and that's it, but I'll never be able to verify it, to go, 'yeah, I was right'. So no, I don't expect anything. I just hope there isn't somebody replaying your life like an
Eamon Dunphy
-type analyst. That would be a moment of disagreeability.
When were you happiest?
I've been happiest when our kids were small. It was a lovely time that brings you back to your childhood, but I'm content now, I'm happy enough.
Which actor would play you in a biopic about your life?
I'd like
Paul Giamatti
, but he probably wouldn't be available. I'm not one of those people who look at great actors and think I'd like them to play me. That would be the ultimate act of vanity to think your life is that important. But if there was a choice, then sure, Paul Giamatti because he's wonderful.
What's your biggest career/personal regret?
There are a couple of things that I hoped would get more attention than they got. In 2013, there was a show I co-wrote with the brilliant writer and actor/director Barbara Bergin – it was called On the Couch. I thought it was great, and it was received very well, but TV3 scheduled it after football late at night because it was the only half-hour slot they had. In my opinion, putting it on at the times they did – it was repeated twice, once at about 2am and once at about 5am – meant they just didn't buy into it. It deserved so much more than it got. Personal regrets? I wish I had read more when I was younger. I realise the value of it now in that it's a form of meditation, very calming to the brain, and that it also opens up other neural pathways. Any more? I wish I had better hair, and I wish I'd been a rock star. Actually, another regret is that I didn't get into a band when I was younger. I sometimes sing with a Howth punk/pop band called The Guilty Party, and that is easily more fun than comedy, more fun than acting.
Have you any psychological quirks?
The process of being Gary Cooke is enough, thank you very much.
In conversation with Tony Clayton-Lea
Gary Cooke stars in Ollie ... One Love, One Life, at The Helix, Dublin, Saturday, May 17th & Sunday, May 18th
thehelix.ie