Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby
Image: The Washington Post
THE baby shower was a mash-up of imaginary worlds: the Mad Hatter's tea party, Neverland, Tatooine.
Tanner Martin, the dad-to-be, sat off to the side, a sherpa blanket across his lap, a whip of plastic tubing around his face tethered to an oxygen tank. As he looked around the room filled with young parents and children, his greatest wish was that he would live long enough to meet his own daughter.
Tanner was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer in November 2020 at age 25, and since then, life has been a series of starts and stops. During a period of relative stability and hope in the fall of 2024, when a new treatment regimen appeared to be working, Tanner and his wife, Shay, decided to start a family.
But the roughly 1,700 days they have been in this fight, the more than 100 ER visits, 30-plus hospitalisations and five surgeries have taken a toll.
At the start of the year, Tanner's health took a sharp turn. The couple found themselves facing an unbearable duality: The joy of preparing for their daughter's arrival and the grief of bracing for her father's death. Just days before the baby shower in April, the call came: The last-resort IV chemo regimen that had been keeping Tanner alive had failed. The baby was due in 57 days.
This year, more than 200,000 people ages 15 to 49 will be newly diagnosed with cancer, joining more than 2.1 million Americans who were also diagnosed as young adults and are living with the disease. Researchers call them 'Generation C,' or 'Generation Cancer.' Young people of Native American descent like Tanner have the highest rate of colorectal cancer of any racial and ethnic group, and the sharpest rate of recent increase.
Tanner was always the kind of person who, his family and friends say, made the world feel friendlier. Shay fell in love with that bright spirit. They were engaged within seven months, married within a year.
Tanner's symptoms began with stomach aches in 2020. Nothing terrible, just a persistent soreness that made him feel unwell. It took six months before a specialist suggested a colonoscopy. By that time, Tanner's cancer had spread from his colon to his liver. Stage 4. His doctors were reluctant to put a timeline on his survival, but they were clear that his condition was terminal. He was 25.
The first few years of living scan-to-scan were a blur. Tanner was constantly in and out of the hospital. During one particularly brutal eight-month stretch, he developed sepsis, a life-threatening infection, and spent Christmas hooked up to IVs.
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Tanner and Shay had always wanted a large family. He had banked his sperm shortly after his diagnosis, knowing that chemo can lead to infertility. During an appointment in October, Tanner's doctor said he was doing great - and it was possible he would live at least five more years (a key milestone in cancer survival). They decided it was time.
Around the same time last fall, Shay saw on social media that one of her high school classmates had taken a job as a 'death doula" and Shay reached out. Tanner was not enthusiastic.
But he said he soon realized that talking about death and looking at his future burial plot were empowering. So they went shopping for a casket, picked out a headstone with both their names and - with Tanner a devoted Star Wars fan - drafted a funeral plan that would feature a harpist playing its iconic theme.
Shay posted a clip on TikTok for loved ones who could not attend. They were not prepared for the outpouring of good wishes from strangers all over the world: 2.6 million views for the headstone-shopping video, 3.5 million for the living funeral.
As 2025 began, Shay passed the first trimester of her pregnancy. But with each passing day, their paths diverged. As the baby inside Shay grew, Tanner's health declined.
Tanner and Shay had honeymooned in Hawaii in May 2019, and as Tanner's illness progressed, they longed to re-experience the joy of that time. So earlier this year, they booked their babymoon, optimizing Tanner's chemotherapy around it.
Shortly after their return, that calm was shattered.
Tanner and Shay sat side-by-side in the exam room at a suburban office park on April 15, not touching, their expressions grim as they faced his oncologist.
He told them it was time to stop the current chemotherapy regimen - it was causing more harm than good now. But there was one more option: a daily pill called fruquintinib that might slow the cancer's growth.
Normally, as pregnancy progresses, resistance in the placenta decreases, but in Shay's case, it had increased. The idea of delivering early - just so Tanner could meet their daughter - had been off the table. Medical guidelines are strict. But a scan had raised enough concern for doctors to reconsider. Shay chose the first date they would allow: May 15.
Tanner's phone was filling up with video messages and letters to his future daughter: Stories of his travels. References to his favorite movies and video games. Advice about dating ('Wait until you're 30'). About religion. Reading bedtime stories like 'Guess How Much I Love You,' a picture book about a bunny who loves his dad and how much his dad loves him back.
The sicker he got, the more Tanner thought of the future beyond his own life. On a quiet Sunday afternoon at home, he brought up the delicate subject of Shay remarrying.
'I would much rather you be with someone who can take care of you than you be alone. Or my daughter not having a father,' he said.
AmyLou Kinyaa' Aanii Martin entered the world on May 15. A nurse immediately scooped up AmyLou, swaddled her and carefully placed her in Tanner's arms. 'I've been so excited to meet you … ' he said, his glasses misted over by tears. 'I love you so much. I've been waiting for this for so long.'
Tanner had managed to stay at the hospital for over four hours – a remarkable feat, considering that in recent weeks he'd barely been able to stay awake for more than 20 or 30 minutes at a time. But later that day, after returning home to rest, his body gave out. His new medication had made him wildly ill for weeks. Shay had imagined a joyful home-coming that Saturday – the three of them leaving the hospital together as a new family. Instead, she and her mother brought AmyLou home to Tanner.
Wanting to create a beautiful memory, Tanner invited his and Shay's parents over for a father-daughter dance. He wanted to film it as a gift for AmyLou to watch on her wedding day. He chose a cover of the Phil Collins song You'll Be in My Heart, from Disney's Tarzan.
Tanner wasn't able to stand, let alone dance, so Shay placed AmyLou on his lap as he worried about holding her steady. 'I'm scared,' he said. 'It's okay,' Shay said, tucking AmyLou close to Tanner.
The music played. Tanner leaned in, his arms encircling her tiny body.
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