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When the System Forgets Fathers: The Hidden Burden of Raising Kids Without Support

When the System Forgets Fathers: The Hidden Burden of Raising Kids Without Support

America's family support systems are riddled with inconsistencies. But one of the most underreported gaps lies in the experience of custodial fathers, men raising children full-time who often find themselves without the legal or financial support structures that custodial mothers more commonly access.
According to recent national data, an astonishing 66.6% of custodial fathers have no formal child support agreement in place. That's over 2 million fathers left without a legally enforceable way to ensure financial contributions from non-custodial parents and likely without access to the full range of government benefits that often require proof of legal support arrangements.
This quiet crisis doesn't just affect the fathers themselves. It impacts children's stability, education, housing, and health while revealing the blind spots in our child welfare and legal support frameworks.
Two Groups, Two Realities
Custodial fathers are not a monolith. The available data shows stark differences between those with a formal child support agreement and those without one. Among the 33.4% who do have an agreement in place, there are clear demographic patterns:
Older age : Over 61% are 40 years old or older.
: Over 61% are 40 years old or older. Education : Fathers with some college education (but no degree) are the most likely to have a child support agreement.
: Fathers with some college education (but no degree) are the most likely to have a child support agreement. Marital status : Divorced fathers account for 37.5% of those with agreements, compared to just 5.3% of separated fathers.
: Divorced fathers account for 37.5% of those with agreements, compared to just 5.3% of separated fathers. Race: White, non-Hispanic fathers are overrepresented among those with agreements (57.2%), while Black fathers are significantly underrepresented (14.4%).
Meanwhile, among those without agreements, the racial disparities become even more pronounced. Black custodial fathers make up over 21% of this group highlighting a potential disconnect in outreach, resources, or access to legal assistance.
The takeaway? Fathers who are younger, separated but not divorced, and from minority backgrounds are far less likely to have secured a formal support arrangement, despite facing many of the same parenting costs.
Formal Agreements Mean Access
Child support agreements don't just ensure more predictable financial help they unlock access to broader systems of aid. Fathers without formal agreements often struggle to qualify for certain benefits or face difficulties proving the financial hardship they're under.
Even among those who do have formal agreements, usage of government programs is surprisingly low. Less than 6% take advantage of:
WIC nutrition assistance
Public housing
Energy cost subsidies
This suggests a serious awareness problem. Either fathers aren't being told what's available to them, or the application processes are too complicated, invasive, or poorly marketed to reach the families who need them.
Legal professionals like Dellino Family Law emphasize that this issue is fixable, but it requires proactive outreach and a more father-inclusive narrative in social service programming.
Full-Time Parenting Without Full-Time Support
There's another misconception at play: that custodial fathers are somehow less involved or less reliable. The numbers say otherwise. Over 73% of custodial fathers with a formal child support agreement work full-time. And even those without agreements are close behind.
This is not a population of disengaged parents. These are working men juggling employment with primary caregiving, often with limited community acknowledgment or institutional backing. Many are raising children without the help of another adult in the home and without consistent support from the other parent.
Adding to the burden, custodial fathers of three or more children are twice as likely to have a formal agreement in place suggesting that, for some, support becomes available only when financial pressure is undeniable.
Policy Hasn't Caught Up With Reality
While national narratives increasingly recognize diverse family structures, public policy remains behind. Services still largely center on mothers as primary caregivers, and the systems for initiating or enforcing child support don't always accommodate the realities faced by fathers.
For example, separated but not legally divorced fathers are far less likely to pursue or be awarded formal support agreements. Yet legal separation or lack of representation should not prevent them from receiving the help they and their children are entitled to.
Moreover, lack of awareness and access to legal resources further exacerbates the problem. Community organizations, courts, and policymakers must take intentional steps to reach custodial fathers where they are in workplaces, schools, and social service offices with information that is clear, actionable, and stigma-free.
A Call for Structural Change
If over 2 million custodial fathers are raising children without formalized support, the system is failing them. And when the system fails custodial parents, it ultimately fails their children.
The data demands reform:
Streamlined access to legal help for fathers seeking to establish child support agreements.
for fathers seeking to establish child support agreements. Culturally competent outreach in communities of color to correct demographic disparities.
in communities of color to correct demographic disparities. Policy reforms that reduce red tape and expand eligibility for aid based on actual need, not just paperwork status.
that reduce red tape and expand eligibility for aid based on actual need, not just paperwork status. Public education campaigns that include fathers in parenting conversations and normalize their presence in primary caregiving roles.
Legal advocates, including those at Dellino Family Law, stress that acknowledging the role of custodial fathers is only step one. The next step is backing that recognition with meaningful support systems that promote stability, equity, and the well-being of every child regardless of which parent is at home.
TIME BUSINESS NEWS
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Top Quran Classes for Kids Online: Best Platforms
Top Quran Classes for Kids Online: Best Platforms

Time Business News

time3 hours ago

  • Time Business News

Top Quran Classes for Kids Online: Best Platforms

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Platforms like Quran for Kids, Noor Academy, TarteeleQuran, and Quran Explorer offer high-quality online Islamic education, making it easier for parents to find the best fit for their children. By considering factors such as curriculum, tutor qualifications, and affordability, you can choose the right platform to support your child's Quran learning journey. As technology continues to advance, the opportunities for enriching religious education will only grow, offering even more ways to connect with and understand the Quran in meaningful ways. TIME BUSINESS NEWS

Celebrated poet Gimaa R. Stacey Laforme reflects on Grief, Hope, and Reconciliation
Celebrated poet Gimaa R. Stacey Laforme reflects on Grief, Hope, and Reconciliation

Hamilton Spectator

timea day ago

  • Hamilton Spectator

Celebrated poet Gimaa R. Stacey Laforme reflects on Grief, Hope, and Reconciliation

During National Indigenous History Month, residents were invited to join in a night of words and reflection by celebrated poet and storyteller Gimaa R. Stacey Laforme. The event, hosted by the Town of Caledon and IDEA Caledon, allowed attendees to gain insights into the power of poetry as art, as told by Laforme. Laforme, previously Chief of the Mississaugas of the Credit First Nation (MCFN), has been serving his community for more than 20 years. Laforme shared poems from his books, Living in the Tall Grass and Love, Life, Loss, and a Little Bit of Hope: Poems from the Soul. His poetry collections invite non-Indigenous people to see through the eyes of Indigenous people, exploring topics such as peace and humanity, grief, trauma, and hope, while also drawing from his own life experiences. 'There's things within the books that I write that are about raising consciousness, not just living in the moment. Enjoy your moments, life is made up of moments. But we have an obligation to the future and you can't always meet that obligation by living in the moment,' shared Laforme. He began writing poetry in Grade 8, and after that, picked it back up after his mother passed when he was only 29. 'I don't know why I chose poetry, but I chose poetry instead of writing about it. And then from there, I just kept writing,' said Laforme. Laforme shared that he feels he can do good things more broadly through his work now than he could during his time as chief. 'I always felt constrained by the role of being a political leader in a First Nation because I always wanted to do more for more people,' said Laforme. 'I enjoy this side of it better, interacting with many different people from many different backgrounds.' 'One of the greatest things that we need to remember is we're all in this together,' shared Laforme. 'But sometimes we're asking the wrong questions. Because we're thinking of the moment. We're not thinking of the big picture. We should be asking those other questions, those hard questions. And that'll change the dynamic in how we see other people.' Standing at the front of the room, Laforme wore a red ribbon shirt with an eagle and ribbons along the back and sides. Red symbolizes missing and murdered indigenous women, the eagle represents one of the most important animals in the Anishinaabe indigenous world view, and the ribbons are a symbol of remembrance and support for Indigenous residential school survivors and those who did not return home. Laforme read his poem titled Reconciliation. 'I sit here crying I don't know why I didn't know the children I didn't know the parents But I knew their spirit I knew their love I know their loss I know their potential And I am overwhelmed By the pain and the hurt The pain of the families and friends The pain of an entire people Unable to protect them, to help them To comfort them, to love them I did not know them But the pain is so real, so personal I feel it in my core, my heart, my spirit I sit here crying and I am not ashamed I will cry for them, and the many others like them I will cry for you, I will cry for me I'll cry for the what could have been Then I will calm myself, smudge myself, offer prayers And know they are no longer in pain No longer do they hurt, they are at peace In time I will tell their story, I will educate society So their memory is not lost to this world And when I am asked what does Reconciliation mean to me I will say I want their lives back I want them to live, to soar I want to hear their laughter See their smiles Give me that And I'll grant you reconciliation.' 'We all know there were children left behind. But it's one thing to know that. It's another thing to have the TV come on and slap you right in the face with that information. I was sad. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt someone's love and sympathy for the family. And so, I sat down and wrote, Reconciliation,' he shared. 'Because these aren't just indigenous children. These are the children of this country. These are our children.' When people ask Laforme what they can do, whether by donating or raising awareness, Laforme tells them to get together with their community. 'Do something in your own backyard that means something to you, something that you won't forget.' Error! Sorry, there was an error processing your request. There was a problem with the recaptcha. Please try again. You may unsubscribe at any time. By signing up, you agree to our terms of use and privacy policy . This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google privacy policy and terms of service apply. Want more of the latest from us? Sign up for more at our newsletter page .

I don't know if I'm proud to be an American. But I am grateful.
I don't know if I'm proud to be an American. But I am grateful.

Boston Globe

timea day ago

  • Boston Globe

I don't know if I'm proud to be an American. But I am grateful.

When I was 4 years old, the night before my ballet recital, my dad panicked when he realized I needed to wear makeup and have my hair in a high bun. We drove to a Walmart near my town in Western Massachusetts, and my dad began methodically analyzing the makeup offerings. A sales associate spotted him trying to make sense of the difference between concealer, foundation, and powder — and which products were appropriate for his preschooler. Advertisement She knelt beside me, glanced at my dad studying a bottle of foundation, and said, 'Why don't we start with something simple — maybe blush.' Then she handed him a compact and added, 'This one won't look too grown-up.' Get The Gavel A weekly SCOTUS explainer newsletter by columnist Kimberly Atkins Stohr. Enter Email Sign Up Related : Something similar happened when I was 8 and needed jeans, when I was 12 and shopping for my first blazer, and again when I was 17 and buying a prom dress. Each time, a patient sales associate helped my dad and me navigate the world of women's clothing without asking invasive questions or looking at me with pity. No one ever asked why I wasn't there with my mother. In India — the country my family comes from and a place I love deeply — it wouldn't have been this easy. A father walking into the girl's underwear section of a store with his young daughter would almost be taboo. Here, my dad has purchased underwear for me many times without a cashier batting an eye. Advertisement In much of the world, including Asia, the Middle East, and Latin America, being raised by a single father comes with whispers, sideways glances, and assumptions about brokenness. In the United States, the only time I've been made to feel 'less than' was by the Indian immigrant mother of a high school classmate. Had I been born in India, I would have been so focused on proving to people that I am not broken that I might never have had the freedom to be myself. 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For the first time, I signed up for a Hindi class and started attending weekly 'aarti,' a worship ceremony. This isn't to say people never make assumptions about me. People see that I am of Indian heritage and assume that I am premed and a math whiz. (Blood scares me, and I got a B in high school calculus.) Of course, there is still much progress to be made in overcoming stereotypes and biases, but neither being raised by a single dad nor being Indian has limited who I can be. Instead, my life has been far more defined by perhaps the most American concept of all: opportunity. My dad immigrated to Canada at the age of 16 in 1984 to attend high school and moved to the United States for college. He studied math, computer science, and German, and then worked in financial services. Next he decided to become an entrepreneur and pursued ventures in business analytics, macroeconomic research, and now AI. My dad has always made a point of exposing me to people with nonlinear career paths — those who decided in their 30s to attend medical school, left finance to work in early childhood education, or became entrepreneurs. We'd often watch 'Shark Tank' together, and every time someone started a business after an unexpected path, he'd pause the show and say, 'That's what makes this country great.' In many other countries, such as Japan, Germany, and India, switching paths isn't so easy. In India, for example, students choose a track in high school that locks in their future options. If you study commerce (economics, accounting, etc.), you can't apply to medical school. Meanwhile, I know people here who majored in economics and later became surgeons. Advertisement I love the United States because it lets people become who they want to be — regardless of their background, family, culture, or career. Not everyone has equal footing, but the majority get some chance. That is rare in most other countries. Yet my pride is tempered by the reality that America is making choices that threaten this ideal. Just this year, immigrants have been increasingly demonized, access to education for international students and domestic students with disabilities has been undermined, and research funding has been slashed. On top of all that, voting rights are being rolled back under the guise of security and freedom of speech is under attack. Despite these troubling trends, I still believe in the promise of this nation. This country's greatest strength is its capacity to elevate individuals irrespective of their background. From Alexander Hamilton, an orphaned immigrant, to Barack Obama, the son of a single mother, to JD Vance, raised by his grandmother in the Midwest, to Donald Trump, born into wealth in Queens — few places enable such different journeys to lead to the same summit. That, more than anything, is why I am grateful to be an American.

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