logo
Vatican Coroner Confirms Eucharistic Overdose

Vatican Coroner Confirms Eucharistic Overdose

The Onion24-04-2025
VATICAN CITY—In a stunning discovery that revealed the full extent of the pontiff's addiction, Vatican coroner Fernando Ruini released a report Thursday confirming Pope Francis died of a eucharistic overdose. 'Our autopsy found the Holy Father had a substantial amount of Eucharist in his system— roughly four times the legal limit—at the time of death,' said Ruini, who added that measurements of the pope's blood of Christ (BOC) were consistent with those from someone who had communed with Jesus for decades. 'It's a wonder he lived as long as he did given his clear dependency on letting God into his heart. By the end, he was probably getting the Blessed Sacrament once or twice every day just to function. There are also some signs he was mixing in other sacraments—penance, the anointing of the sick, or whatever he needed to hit that spiritual high he got off his first communion wafer.' The coroner added that he wouldn't let anyone he loved get behind the wheel of the popemobile with the late pontiff's level of blessedness.
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

Vatican strikes a solar deal that aims to make it the world's first carbon-neutral state
Vatican strikes a solar deal that aims to make it the world's first carbon-neutral state

Boston Globe

time2 days ago

  • Boston Globe

Vatican strikes a solar deal that aims to make it the world's first carbon-neutral state

Over the years as the area became more developed, residents began complaining of health problems, including instances of childhood leukemia which they blamed on the electromagnetic waves generated by the towers. The Vatican denied there was any causal link but cut back the transmissions. Advertisement Pope Francis last year tasked the Vatican to study developing the area into a vast solar farm, hoping to put into practice his preaching about the need to transition away from fossil fuels and find clean, carbon-neutral energy sources. Pope Leo XIV visited the site in June and affirmed that he intended to see Francis' vision through. Leo has strongly taken up Francis' ecological mantle, recently using a new set of prayers and readings inspired by Pope Francis' environmental legacy. Advertisement The agreement signed Thursday stipulates that the development of the site will preserve the agricultural use of the land and minimize the environmental impact on the territory, according to a Vatican statement. Vatican officials have estimated it will cost under 100 million euros to develop the solar farm, and that once approved by Italy, the contracts to do the work can be put up for bids. In the 1990s at the height of the controversy, residents sued Vatican Radio officials, claiming the emissions exceeded the Italian legal limit, but the court cleared the transmitter. In 2012, the Vatican announced it was cutting in half the hours of transmission from the site, not because of health concerns but because of cost-saving technological advances in internet broadcasting. Associated Press religion coverage receives support through the AP's collaboration with The Conversation US, with funding from Lilly Endowment Inc. The AP is solely responsible for this content.

A parish priest and several injured as airstrikes hit a Gaza church
A parish priest and several injured as airstrikes hit a Gaza church

The Hill

time17-07-2025

  • The Hill

A parish priest and several injured as airstrikes hit a Gaza church

DEIR AL-BALAH, Gaza Strip (AP) — Strikes hit the Holy Family Church in northern Gaza on Thursday morning, injuring several people including the parish priest, officials with the Catholic Church said. Parish priest Fr. Gabriel Romanelli was very close with the late Pope Francis and the two spoke often during the war in Gaza. The church was damaged in the attack, officials said, in what witnesses said appeared to be an Israeli tank shelling. The Israeli military did not have immediate comment on the strike. In the last 18 months of his life, Francis would often call the lone Catholic church in the Gaza Strip to see how people huddled inside were coping with a devastating war. The war began with Hamas' cross-border attack on Oct. 7, 2023. That day, militants killed some 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and abducted 251 people, most of whom have since been released in ceasefire agreements or other deals. Fifty hostages are still being held, less than half of them believed to be alive. Israel's retaliatory offensive has killed over 58,000 Palestinians, according to Gaza's Health Ministry, which has said women and children make up more than half of the dead. It does not distinguish between civilians and militants in its tally. The ministry is part of the Hamas-run government but is led by medical professionals. The United Nations and other international organizations consider its figures to be the most reliable count of war casualties.

Separate crashes in Lafourche, Terrebonne parishes leave cyclists dead
Separate crashes in Lafourche, Terrebonne parishes leave cyclists dead

Yahoo

time03-06-2025

  • Yahoo

Separate crashes in Lafourche, Terrebonne parishes leave cyclists dead

TERREBONNE PARISH, La. (WGNO) — Troopers with the Louisiana State Police are investigating separate crashes in Lafourche and Terrebonne parishes that left two cyclists dead on Sunday, June 1. LSP officials said troopers responded to the first crash in Terrebonne Parish around 8:30 p.m. on Louisiana Highway 57 near Cedar Grove Road. City of New Orleans offering an amnesty program for past-due parking, traffic tickets Troopers said an initial investigation shows that 75-year-old Jerry Francis was riding a bicycle south on Louisiana Highway 57 when the bicycle was hit by a 2008 Lincoln Navigator also heading south. Francis suffered serious injuries and was taken to a hospital, where he later died. LSP officials said the driver of the Lincoln was uninjured and wearing a seatbelt. According to the LSP, Francis was riding the bicycle 'with no lights or reflective material' at the time of the crash. Around 10:30 p.m., LSP troopers said they responded to a crash on Louisiana Highway 308 at the intersection with Louisiana Highway 657 in Lafourche Parish. Atmos Energy offers advice for natural gas safety during hurricane season LSP officials said an initial investigation shows 28-year-old Johnathon Bourg was riding a motorized bicycle north on Louisiana Highway 308 while a 2021 Acura TLX was heading east on Louisiana Highway 657. According to troopers, Bourg rode the bicycle through a red light, causing the Acura to hit it while going through the intersection. Bourg was taken to a hospital, where he later died. The driver of the Acura was uninjured and wearing a seatbelt. LSP officials said routine toxicology samples were collected as part of the crash summit held to discuss strengthening the grid Separate crashes in Lafourche, Terrebonne parishes leave cyclists dead Weather Service rehiring at offices left 'critically understaffed' by layoffs Fan reportedly struck by falling concrete at Dodger Stadium EPA, Park Service take big hits in latest Trump budget plan Copyright 2025 Nexstar Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store