
Gretchen Rubin: One sentence can change your life
So, when someone writes a book that offers to reveal the "secrets of adulthood" – it's worth a listen, especially when that person is Gretchen Rubin.
Many of you may know her for her best-selling book, The Happiness Project, but in her latest, Secrets of Adulthood, she unpacks why single-sentence bits of advice are often the most useful at cutting through the noise of life's craziness.
The book is chock-full of dozens of profound, yet digestible, bits of wisdom that just seem to make going through life a bit more simple:
"The world looks different from a footpath than from a car."
"Recognise that, like sleeping with a big dog in a small bed, things that are uncomfortable can also be comforting."
Gretchen is such an insightful writer and we had a really thoughtful conversation about advice, life and what it really means to be an adult.
If you have a few minutes, you should definitely watch or read some of our discussion below:
Below is an excerpt from our conversation, which has been edited for length and clarity.
Katty Kay: Gretchen, you've spent a lot of your career looking at things like happiness and habits. Now, you are looking at the Secrets of Adulthood. Do we ever understand the secret of adulthood? I mean, I'm now 60 and I feel I'm a long way off understanding the actual secrets of adulthood.
Gretchen Rubin: No, I don't think that we ever do figure it out. But we do learn some lessons throughout life, usually the hard way. And I think that it's very easy to forget those lessons as soon as we've learned them. So, part of it is just reminding ourselves of everything that we've learned and have to keep learning over and over.
KK: What is it about the format of a sentence or two that appeals to our brains or that sticks in our brains in a way that a paragraph or a chapter doesn't?
GR: There's something called the fluency heuristic, which is the idea that the easier something is to remember, the stickier it is in our brains. And this is why things like alliteration or rhyme often are very powerful. Like 'If it bleeds, it leads', right? I'm sure you've heard that as a journalist. That sticks in the mind better than 'negative news is more likely to attract people's attention than positive news'.
Lytton Strachey said that the truest test of a man's intelligence is his ability to make a summary. There is such a discipline in trying to express yourself very, very briefly. A lot of times, my thinking got much clearer when I tried to say it in a very, very short way.
KK: We are living in these rather extraordinary, overwhelming times, both technologically, politically, geopolitically, economically. Do you think that is a time when people want aphorisms more?
GR: People are always searching for insight and wisdom. I think it's a question of the readiness of the person to hear it. One of my aphorisms is 'it always seems like times are hard.'
There's a wonderful anecdote about Michelangelo, who, after he painted the Sistine Chapel, wrote to his father and was like, well, 'the pope is very pleased with my work, but, you know, times are really hard for an artist like me.' And he was living in the High Renaissance, which is considered to be like the high point of Western art. But even he was like, 'Man these are tough times!'
That's not to say that we are not in tough times; I think we are. But I'm just saying it's not unusual to feel like you are in tough times.
KK: Was this book the culmination of years of experience and failures and ups and downs? Could you have written it when you were 30?
GR: I think I needed time and experience to see these things. With the Secrets of Adulthood, a lot of them are just one sentence or two, but for each of them, there is a story behind them. I could tell you, 'Oh, that's that story that's haunted me for years, or that's this paradox that's always puzzled me that I finally figured out.'
There's a proverb that [goes], 'When the student is ready, the teacher appears.' I think we've all had that experience where you read a single line and suddenly you see the way forward, or your own thinking is illuminated or something that you kind of vaguely understood is crystallised. And I love it when I read something like that. So, I've been collecting these for years. I couldn't have sat down to write this. They had to come to me over time.
KK: Let me give you my non-secrets of my adulthood, which is still a mess, so if you could do my therapy for me –
GR: My sister calls me a happiness bully, because if I think there's a way I can make you happier, I can get very insistent. So, OK, bring it on!
KK: Excellent. So, I get distracted a lot. This morning, I found myself listening to one of your interviews, flicking through Walter Isaacson's biography of Elon Musk, all whilst listening to a podcast. None of this is effective. I know this. I'm a reasonably sensible, intelligent adult. I know that's a crap way to spend my time. What's the way to fix that?
GR: The one that comes to mind is the secret of adulthood, which is 'working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.' So, if you find yourself multitasking as a way to avoid doing something that would be very difficult and is probably your real priority.
As somebody who writes nonfiction, I'm always like, 'I need to research that.' And research is great, but if I find myself going down some deep rabbit hole of information just because I'm interested, I often stop and say, 'OK, this might be valuable, but is it a good use of my time right now? Am I actually working on what my project is right now?' And often the answer is no, it is not.
KK: OK, I'm gonna repeat one of your own lines back to you, one of which I loved and helped me this morning. So, when I was stupidly multitasking, I thought of this one: 'If you don't know what to do with yourself, go outside or go to sleep.'
And I went and walked around the block and you were right!
GR: Yes, it works, right?
KK: I was almost kind of annoyed at how well it worked!
But there's another one: 'It's easier to notice the exceptional than the familiar. So, to observe the obvious requires intense attention.' Talk me through that one a little bit. What were you thinking of?
GR: I'm always better off when I'm idiosyncratic. So, for instance, I'm one of these super all-or-nothing people. I can do something never or I can do it all the time, but I can't do it sometimes or just a little bit. I have a sweet tooth and people kept saying, 'Well, be moderate, follow the 80-20 rule. Just have half a brownie. Don't demonise certain foods.' And then I was like, 'You know what? I'm going to just try giving it up altogether.' And for me – and it turns out for a small number of people – it was easier to have none of something that is a strong temptation.
Something that was working very well for other people did not work for me. And so instead of thinking, 'What's wrong with me?' I thought that maybe, there's a different way for me.
--
Hashtags

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles


Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Jessica Alba shows off her chiseled abs in a black sports bra after passionately kissing new boyfriend
Jessica Alba showcased her chiseled abs in stylish fitness attire just two days after she was spotted in a steamy kiss with her new boyfriend Danny Ramirez. The 44-year-old Honey actress — who filed for divorce from her husband of nearly 17 years Cash Warren in February — has recently moved on with the hunky Top Gun: Maverick actor, who is 11 years her junior. In a new Instagram carousel shared on Sunday, the mom-of-three enjoyed a stroll along the beach and took her fans along with her. Jessica posed for a quick snap on a dirt path as the sandy shore and blue ocean water stretched out behind her. The beauty flaunted her toned figure wearing a black sports bra with a white trim as well as a pair of fitted, black leggings. She additionally slipped into a pair of white socks and black sneakers to stay comfortable during the outing. The Hollywood star completed her ensemble for the day by adding a black cap on top of her head that had 'LA' printed in white lettering on the front. The Fantastic Four actress also sported a pair of fashionable black shades to protect her eyes from the bright sunshine. Jessica also snapped a selfie as she flashed a peace sign towards the camera and gave another view of the beach down below. She uploaded a clip that showed a closer look at some of the morning workout as she was joined by a pal, which also included walking up a number of stairs and a light jog. The beauty later fueled up with a refreshing iced green drink and a bowl that was topped with chopped nuts and fruit. Lastly, Jessica took a picture of a colorful butterfly that was resting on a green leaf of a shady tree. In the caption of the latest post, the star simply penned to her 21 million followers, 'Sunday reset.' Jessica has previously opened up about incorporating a fitness regime into her daily life during an interview with E! News last year. 'I get bored,' she admitted when it comes to the gym. 'So I do spinning and I do cross training with a mix of weights and cardio. I just try to keep it moving.' The star also added, 'I try to recruit my friends to come with me. It's just more fun if you go with someone.' Her new Instagram post comes just two days after Jessica was seen passionately kissing her new boyfriend Danny Ramirez in LA on Saturday. In photos obtained by the couple were seen embracing and sharing a kiss outside on a quiet street. Danny sweetly draped his arms over her shoulders during the romantic moment and readjusted her cap on top of her head which caused her to flash a smile. The actor was later seen receiving a large flower delivery and the pair began to walk back towards his house together. Earlier this week on Wednesday, the pair were spotted enjoying date night at an Italian restaurant called Alba. Jessica and Danny were seen outside of the eatery, with the actor driving a vehicle and the beauty next to him in the passenger seat. The two stars held smiles on their faces during the lowkey night out together. Also in July, the pair were spotted vacationing in Cancun - which came after she was seen kissing a mystery man in London, although it is not confirmed whether that had also been Danny. A source told this week that the pair's budding romance has now taken a 'surprising turn.' 'Jessica's romance with Danny has taken a surprising turn. What started out as a summer fling feels like it's getting more serious, although she still wants to take things slow.' The insider added, 'But at the end of the day Jessica has never been one to play the field. She's excited to see where this romance is headed.' A separate source also recently told that the Top Gun: Maverick actor is 'enamored' with the actress, but she isn't in the 'frame of mind' to be in a relationship that is exclusive. 'Danny is cool, a nice guy and he is enamored with her, but it is not exclusive. She's not in that frame of mind.' The insider added, 'He has a chance to make something out of their connection, but she is taking it all in stride. Right now, she's looking to just have fun.' Jessica's new romance comes months after she filed for divorce from Cash Warren after nearly 17 years of marriage in February. She had cited 'irreconcilable differences' as the reasoning behind their separation, with Cash soon filing afterwards. During the course of their marriage, the former couple welcomed three children: Honor, 17, Haven, 13, and Hayes, seven - and both requested for joint physical and legal custody of their kids at the time of the divorce filing. Eight months before it was revealed that Jessica and Cash were 'set for divorce,' the Hollywood star uploaded her final anniversary post to celebrate 16 years of marriage. Speculation first arose that the former couple may have hit a rocky patch in their relationship when she was spotted on public outings without her wedding ring. Jessica also seemingly confirmed she was single in a post to celebrate New Year's, but then reunited with Cash to celebrate their son's birthday at Universal Studios. They first crossed paths on set of the 2004 film, Fantastic Four, and they later said 'I do' in 2008. And in January, the actress took to Instagram to announce the end of her marriage to Cash with a message to her followers. 'I've been on a journey of self realization and transformation for years - both as an individual and in partnership with Cash,' she wrote. 'I'm proud of how we've grown in our marriage over the last 20 years and it's now time for us to embark on a new chapter of growth and evolution as individuals. Jessica added, 'We are moving forward with love, kindness and respect for each other and will forever be family. Our children remain our highest priority and we request privacy at this time.'


The Sun
8 hours ago
- The Sun
I've splashed £1million to get the world's smallest waist -all my organs moved around because of it but I'm not done yet
A WOMAN has revealed that she has spent over £1 million trying to get the world's smallest waist. Aleira Avendano, 33 has spent two decades cinching her waist down to just 18 inches, 16 inches smaller than the average British woman's. 2 2 The Florida-based yoga instructor has achieved her tiny waist by wearing a corset, and is determined to beat the current record held by 86-year-old Cathie Jung, whose waist is just 15 inches. Aleira's controversial methods have caused her internal organs to "shift and adjust" to new spots. However, despite the dangers, Aleira, who is originally from Venezuela, isn't ready to quit. "I find it challenging when it comes to buying clothes, as nothing fits," she told NeedToKnow. "My sizes are unique, and I have naturally wide hips." "I have to have clothes custom-made for me. It's been a major investment – enhancements, treatments and healthy food. "A huge commitment. Honestly, my body should be insured." As well as spending £1 million on her waist whittling mission, Aleira has also spent £471,000 on cosmetic surgeries, including seven boob jobs, four nose jobs and veneers. Aleira previously claimed that all woman "should have plastic surgery to be truly beautiful." And despite the health risks, Aleira has encouraged others to try and get a waist like hers. The 45-second trick to get a snatched waist that Love Island star swears by At the start of her waist cinching journey, Aleira wore a corset six hours a day, but she has now ramped this up to 23 hours. Wearing a corset comes with a myriad of issues, such as breathing difficulties, organ compression and muscle atrophy. The model has now launched her own brand of shapewear, to help people achieve her "one of a kind look". "My shapewear line will change many lives" she said. What are the dangers of wearing corsets? Wearing corsets, a fashion practice that dates back centuries, can pose significant medical risks despite their aesthetic appeal. One of the primary concerns is the potential for internal organ damage. Corsets, especially when tightly laced, can compress the ribs and exert pressure on internal organs such as the liver, stomach, and intestines. This compression can lead to displacement and deformation of these organs, potentially causing digestive issues, reduced lung capacity, and impaired circulation. Breathing difficulties are another serious risk associated with corset use. The constriction of the rib cage can limit the expansion of the lungs, leading to shallow breathing and decreased oxygen intake. Over time, this can result in respiratory problems and reduced stamina. In extreme cases, prolonged use of tightly laced corsets can lead to conditions like atelectasis, where parts of the lungs collapse due to inadequate ventilation. Additionally, corsets can affect the musculoskeletal system. The constant pressure and altered posture imposed by a corset can weaken core muscles, leading to muscle atrophy and decreased strength. This can result in long-term back pain and poor posture once the corset is removed. There is also a risk of nerve compression, which can lead to numbness, tingling, and in severe cases, nerve damage. While modern corsets are often designed to be less restrictive than their historical counterparts, the potential health risks remain. It is essential for individuals to be aware of these risks and to use corsets sparingly and with caution. Consulting with medical professionals before incorporating corsets into regular wear can help mitigate some of these risks and ensure that any adverse effects are promptly addressed. "It's a gentle product with incredible results, created by me and inspired by the story of my own body." Aleria added: "I don't miss my old figure at all. "People react in different ways. "Some follow me, some feel nervous, and others admire me or see my body as something crazy." She added that men "can't get enough" of her "exotic" figure.


Daily Mail
11 hours ago
- Daily Mail
How Gwyneth's perfectionism caused a 'noxious' atmosphere at her controversial lifestyle brand Goop: Final extract from new book reveals how she came up with THAT candle and fell out with Anna Wintour's team
Gwyneth Paltrow may not have known as she headed into Goop's weekly staff meeting one January morning in 2017 that the company was about to be hit by one of its biggest controversies. Goop, which Gwyneth had started as a lifestyle newsletter nearly ten years earlier, sometimes promoted wacky products that attracted headlines and boosted sales.