'We never technically said we would elbow anybody': The imagined thoughts of Mark Carney's elbow
Prime Minister Mark Carney's slogan during the April federal election was 'elbows up.' The hockey reference was intended as a pledge of defiance against tariffs and annexation threats from the United States.
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Instead, Carney's U.S. strategy has consisted almost entirely of concessions and even deference. And on Thursday night, all it yielded was a new threat by U.S. President Donald Trump to slap blanket 35 per cent tariffs on Canadian imports.
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Monday
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The slogan was 'elbows up.' Not 'we're going to hit you with our elbows.' Or, 'I'm intending to use my elbows defensively.' The promise was only that we would proverbially elevate our elbows for an unspecified period of time, and for no declared purpose. We never technically said we would elbow anybody.
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Keeping all this in mind, I think you'll agree there has been no inconsistency in the strategy. The Government of Canada has pursued a course with the Trump administration that, at times, has involved the raising of elbows above their usual relaxed state, which would indeed be an 'elbows up' approach.
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Tuesday
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I would remind everyone that the National Hockey League officially considers elbowing a penalty, with the act warranting punishments as severe as game misconducts, fines and suspensions.
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As a government committed to the rules-based international order, we obviously would never condone a violent and inherently menacing act such as the bellicose use of an elbow.
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And, as stated, that was never the intention. If you check Mr. Carney's rhetoric on this account, I think you'll agree he was mentioning elbows mainly as a means to demonstrate the articulative quality of the human arm.
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Elbows up, to my read, was only ever a friendly gesture of greeting in which the speaker is demonstrating the functionality of their joints as a symbol of their own flexibility. 'See how my arms bend, foreign state, they are the arms of someone who will peacefully bend to your own appeals.'
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Wednesday
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I feel uniquely qualified to assure the Canadian people that Mr. Carney has certainly made full use of his elbows in attempting to resolve the current impasse with the United States.
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At the G7 summit in Kananaskis, I was employed to deliver a friendly nudge to U.S. President Donald Trump, along with the comment, 'Hey Donald, you like Mount Bogart over there? What if it was Mount Trump?'
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After phone calls between Mr. Carney and the U.S. leader, he will often lay his elbows on a table to cradle his head for hours at a time — I assume to ponder a new genius tactic. Yes, this truly has been an elbows-heavy response to one of our greatest national crises.
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Thursday
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Despite everything, I think we can all agree that Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre would have completely and utterly folded in the face of aggressive U.S. trade policy. Had he won in April, my least pessimistic estimate is that by now he would have surrendered at least two provinces and one great lake, and he would have appointed Rudy Giuliani as Governor General.
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I need only point you to his public statements: No mention whatsoever of elbows, knees, digits or any other body part. Mr. Trump is a man who deals best in the tactile world. Any failure to open negotiations with at least one reference to the corporeal form is, frankly, akin to immediate surrender.
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Friday
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Last night's developments are certainly not what we'd hoped for, but it's all part of the process. We fully planned for this: We would unilaterally cede to perceived U.S. demands, the Americans would respond with another round of ruinous tariffs and vague grievances, and then we'd cede some more. This is called bilateral diplomacy; it's a messy process but it ultimately arrives at a place of mutual benefit.
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