
Martha Wainwright, in her own right
'Though I was a 'daughter of' twice over, doors seemed closed to me,' writes Martha Wainwright in her 2022 memoir Stories I Might Regret Telling You, recalling the difficulty she had getting her music career off the ground in the late Nineties. Wainwright – the daughter of the American songwriter Loudon Wainwright III and the Canadian folk artist Kate McGarrigle, and the younger sister of the singer and composer Rufus Wainwright – was born into a family renowned for its musicality. Yet far from the ease with which some might have expected her to glide into stardom, Wainwright found these associations worked against her. This was in 'stark contrast to the attention paid to the 'sons of' musical stars', she writes, naming 'all those boys' she hung out with in New York and Los Angeles: Teddy Thompson (son of Richard and Linda), Sean Lennon (son of John and Yoko), Chris Stills (son of Stephen), Harper Simon (son of Paul).
Two decades on from that time, performing at London's Union Chapel in late May to mark the 20th anniversary of her self-titled debut album, Wainwright, now 49, is far from over this early push-back. After opening her set with 'Far Away', on which her voice retains the almost unbelievable balance of childish twee and adult gravel captured on the original recording, and 'GPT', named after Brooklyn's Greenpoint Tavern bar, she explains why it took her the best part of a decade finally to release this album in 2005. 'There was already a lot of Wainwrights in the room, and a couple of cute McGarrigles,' she says to laughs from the crowd – so the industry big shots weren't much bothered by her raw, untethered songs. How could she ever change that?
Martha Gabrielle Wainwright was born in New York State in 1976. Her parents were living in Woodstock at the time, but they soon separated, and Martha and Rufus moved with their mother to her native Montreal, where they grew up in a bohemian, folkish family. Wainwright is often asked if her parents 'made' her do music, she writes in her memoir, and the answer is yes. 'But I liked it and I wanted the attention and fun of performing. I was a misfit, and often unhappy, but singing and playing made me feel good.'
But she doesn't consider herself 'naturally gifted. I don't hear music in my head… I get intimidated.' No wonder, given her relatives. Loudon Wainwright (now 78) is a Grammy Award-winning songwriter of tracks that have become classics of Americana, including 'The Swimming Song' and 'Motel Blues'. Meanwhile Kate and her sister Anna McGarrigle (Kate died in 2010; Anna still lives in Montreal) are Canadian folk royalty: their self-titled 1976 record was Melody Maker's 'best record of the year', while The McGarrigle Hour (1998, featuring Emmylou Harris and Linda Ronstadt) remains a stalwart of the modern folk canon. This musical prowess continued into the next generation: Rufus Wainwright signed to DreamWorks Records when he was 22, had hundreds of thousands of dollars poured into his 'artist development' and is now a household name for his baroque pop, as well as his soundtrack and opera work. 'Growing up, I never played the piano – how could I with my brother wailing away on it day and night?' Wainwright writes.
Numerous aunts and cousins of the Wainwright-McGarrigle clan are musicians too. At the Union Chapel, Martha's cousin Lily Lanken (Anna's daughter) sings backing vocals. But it wasn't just that her family all wrote and played songs; they wrote and played songs about each other – and no one was more candid than Loudon. Martha Wainwright's father was absent for much of her childhood, 'almost denying my existence', she writes. She portrays a man who instead of caring for his family wrote songs about them. When she was 14 and he was 44, Martha was sent to live with Loudon in New York City for 'a year of discontent'. His song 'Hitting You' is based on that year. Over lively guitar he recalls hitting Martha in the car when she was much younger, moving on to how he felt the need to hit her again: 'These days things are awful between me and you/All we do is argue like two people who are through/I blame you, your friends, your school, your mother, and MTV/Last night I almost hit you/That blame belongs to me.' It's brutal.
A decade later, Wainwright learnt that another of her father's songs, 'I'd Rather Be Lonely' – which she'd always thought was 'a bit stupid and mean-spirited', and probably about a girlfriend – was actually about that same year with her. She was in the crowd at a Loudon Wainwright concert, having opened for him, when he introduced the next song as being about his daughter, and proceeded to sing: 'You're still living here with me, I'd rather be lonely/All the time I look around/For excuses to leave town/Everybody wants somebody, but I'd rather be lonely.'
It's no wonder, then, that when Wainwright came to write, her songs burst out with a wily, frenetic energy, as though charged with resentment for her father's tunes and insistent on making their own mark. Many of the tracks from Martha Wainwright use unusual guitar tunings – 'what I thought were genius tunings,' she says at the Union Chapel, 'now it turns out they're just a pain in the ass' – a lot of piano, and rickety drums. On stage she introduces 'Ball and Chain' as a song of 'desperation, about wanting to be loved and desired', before giving in to its jangling intensity, anchored by her five-piece band. On the fan favourite 'Factory' she sings, 'These are not my people/I should never have come here,' with ferocity. Yet as the song goes on, her vocals, elsewhere hard edged, morph into a beautiful sloppiness, her vowels soft around these words as her body, too, finds an elastic effect, her legs bending and slinking below her guitar.
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If Wainwright's assertion of being withheld the full benefits of nepotism because of her gender is hard to swallow for those of us who will never have the luxury of benefiting from nepotism whatsoever, another of her declarations is undeniable: that unlike Loudon and Rufus, her career has been held back by motherhood. Wainwright is the mother of two teenage boys, their father her ex-husband and former producer Brad Albetta, who comes off particularly badly in the memoir. In London she plays an unreleased track, singing: 'I chose my children over my career/But I still have to feed them and they are dear/And that is why we are here tonight.' Further into the song, she reflects: 'I sound more like my father every day/But I can't call him on Father's Day.'
She is being at least partially comedic, the song a wink to the audience who know exactly who her father is – and that he writes about her too. All of this is, of course, part of the appeal. 'She's got her father's wit,' one woman behind me whispers, approvingly. But the song's point is potent: Wainwright is one of many women whose careers have not run as ascendant a course as they might have had they not paused to have children. That hits harder for Wainwright, given her absent father continued to garner renown as a prolific songwriter. Although her family patter occasionally feels like theatrical shtick, it ultimately lends a melancholia to Wainwright's performance, reinforcing her belief that she hasn't found proper success in the context of her family name. 'In so many ways, my career is a failure,' she writes in her memoir.
It's immensely sad, because these songs are fantastic. They are jagged, raucous, yet introspective things, and live, her unburdened stage presence and full-bodied guitar-playing makes them all the wilder. Martha Wainwright was acclaimed upon its release 20 years ago, but never placed higher than 63 in the UK charts, and 43 in the US. The six albums she has released since then have been similarly well received by critics without breaking through into the mainstream. But it is a feat to sell out a 900-capacity venue, in a country that is not your own, playing a record that's two decades old. Wainwright's cult listeners don't care that Rufus isn't there to join her on her rendition of her brother's song 'Dinner at Eight' (about Loudon, of course) – yet she still sounds apologetic when she tells them so.
They do, however, care for the single encore track, the rambunctious 'Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole', first released on an EP in 2005, included on the debut record, and now performed by Wainwright solo on acoustic guitar. It's the song that made her name, although she doesn't play it often any more. It is typically – and wrongly – described as a song about Loudon. Wainwright admits she once told a journalist it was about her father, which probably didn't help the matter. But really it is about the industry, about 'getting the short end of the stick' in her career, she writes – being that 'daughter of' rather than 'son of'. 'I will not pretend/I will not put on a smile/I will not say I'm all right for you/When all I wanted was to be good/To do everything in truth,' she sings, boldly and then softly. Martha Wainwright will always be a Wainwright. It is up to her whether she chooses to write like one.
[See also: Keir Starmer's grooming gang cowardice]
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Scottish Sun
44 minutes ago
- Scottish Sun
I had 14 miscarriages before finding a couple who promised to change my life, but it fell apart after my baby was born
MUM'S HEARTACHE I had 14 miscarriages before finding a couple who promised to change my life, but it fell apart after my baby was born Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) A WOMAN has bravely shared how her dream of becoming a mother after losing 14 babies was brutally snatched away. Kirby Hood, 36, said she was blindsided when the woman she trusted to be her surrogate mother kicked her out from the hospital after changing her mind at the last moment - and deciding to keep the newborn. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 2 Kirby Hood, 36, has bravely opened up about her heartbreak after a surrogate couple turned her life upside down Credit: INSTAGRAM/diary_of_kirby 2 The photographer had battled infertility for more than a decade, enduring 14 miscarriages Credit: INSTAGRAM/diary_of_kirby Kirby, a photographer from Queensland, Australia, had battled infertility for more than a decade, enduring loss after loss, before the ''experienced surrogate'' offered her what she called ''the chance of a lifetime''. ''I trusted her, and she kept my baby after leading me on for nine months believing that the baby would be coming home with me,'' the devastated 36-year-old told Daily Mail Australia. ''My baby was born in February and I'm only just coming up for air. ''I have everything in writing - the card she gave me offering to be my surrogate, the paperwork from the lawyers, and all the texts.'' Kirby attended doctors' appointments regarding the pregnancy, and viewed ultrasounds - all with the encouragement of the surrogate - and covered all the medical costs throughout the process. Excited for the new chapter ahead, she threw a baby shower, held a gender reveal party and documented her journey to motherhood on social media. The birth mother even attended the gender reveal party and met all of Kirby's close friends and family who ''wanted to touch her tummy and fuss around her''. Kirby, a newborn photographer, first met the surrogate, who lived in her local area, in 2019. She was told that this would be the surrogate's "third and final child". In September 2021, the woman rebooked for some family photos, and in 2022 Kirby was booked again as the woman was entering her first surrogacy journey, and Kirby was hired as her photographer to capture the special moment. Katie Price reveals she's secured LOOKALIKE egg donors and American sperm donor in bid to have baby number six The Gold Coast photographer said that having witnessed the woman faithfully fulfil her surrogate role for someone else, she trusted her to do the same again. Meanwhile, Kirby continued with her own quest to become a mother and underwent an embryo transfer. Unfortunately, after meeting a family through an IVF group, she suffered a miscarriage in 2023. Uber Eats order that changed everything ''During the early days of my loss I made an Uber Eats order and the surrogate's sister was the Uber Eats driver. ''She said to her sister, 'Hey it's Kirby, your photographer friend - jump in the car and come for a run to drop this order off'.'' After opening the door, Kirby met the birth mum who had a package with chocolates, magazines, flowers and a card - and they hugged, as Kirby burst into tears. The card said: "When the time comes, you know I'm good for it. Love to be your surrogate.'' The two kept in touch about a potential surrogacy, but Kirby eventually came to the conclusion that she did not want to risk more potential heartbreak. However, a call out of the blue changed everything. Whilst at work, the photographer received a Facetime call from the surrogate - who announced she was having a baby. Confused, Kirby asked if the woman had transferred eggs without her knowing. She explained she had accidentally fallen pregnant with her partner, but they do not want another kid. ''At first I was cautious - how does this work? How does this happen? I'm pretty sure you can't just cook a baby for someone and just hand it over. ''Aren't there laws? I only knew of the laws of surrogacy [not adoption].'' In a state of shock, Kirby handed the phone to her mum who was at the photography studio at the time. ''Mum said: 'What does this mean?', and the surrogate said: 'It means Kirby is going to be a mama,' and I just bawled.'' What is surrogacy? Surrogacy is the name given for a type of pregnancy where a woman carries and gives birth to another person's baby. The surrogate mother is then expected to give up the baby at birth, so it can be raised by the couple who originally wanted the baby. Surrogacy is often an option for those unable to have children themselves, or for same sex couples. According to surrogacy charity Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy (COTS), there are two different types of surrogacy. Traditional surrogacy: When the surrogate uses her own egg fertilised with the intended father's sperm. Gestational surrogacy: The surrogate carries the intended parent's genetic child conceived through IVF, for which specialist doctors are needed. How are surrogate babies conceived? In traditional surrogacy procedures, the egg is artificially inseminated using a syringe. Gestational surrogacy is carried out through IVF. During this in vitro fertilisation process, the egg is removed from the woman's ovaries and fertilised with sperm in a laboratory. The embryo is then planted in the surrogate's womb to grow and develop. This procedure must be carried out by specialist doctors and the biological mother is required to still have working ovaries. The birth mother showed Kirby the living children on Facebook that she still followed and the families that were successful from her donations. However, given the situation had changed from a standard surrogacy to an agreement to hand over a baby that was both conceived and carried by the birthing mother, Kirby sought legal advice. Here, she was told that if the parents didn't want to keep the baby, the newborn had to go to foster care and would be assessed a fair order and placed with a registered family. Kirby then contacted the woman to pass on that disappointing news - but she already had an alternative plan. ''She told me that was rubbish and that I can be on the birth certificate as a same-sex couple, and so with a lawyer we drew up parentage orders,'' she said. As part of that, you can legally name [the baby] before birth so it's in the paperwork. Kirby decided to name her daughter-to-be Xanthe and the pair agreed she was going to be at the birth. Left all alone Then came another shock. Throughout the long process of trying to become a mum, Kirby's husband had been by her side, but just when it appeared imminent, he suddenly moved out. Up until then, he had been to the scans and even had the ultrasound photo made into a keyring he carried around. But he walked out the weekend after Father's Day. ''I have lost 14 babies and it was too much for him. ''He told me two IVF rounds before that he was done, but I didn't want to listen, I just wanted one more chance to try.'' Heartbroken Kirby called the surrogate and her partner to tell them her husband had left, but they said they had no issues with her being a single mum and assured her everything remained on course. Needing to generate enough money as a sole income earner to be able to support herself and a baby, Kirby threw herself into work. Things felt off Kirby Hood However, after she missed one of the scans as a birth shoot took 10 hours and overlapped with the appointment, the birth mother sent her a text questioning Kirby's priorities. Although she was feeling ''there were red flags'', Kirby ''didn't want to believe anything may be wrong''. A few weeks prior to the birth, Kirby was asked to meet the couple in a nearby park, where they told her that they no longer wanted her at the birth, explaining it was for minor medical reasons. It was at this point that she started to have serious doubts, wondering whether the couple had had a change of heart about handing the daughter over. On the birth day, she received a message that told her the baby had arrived, and she drove to the hospital - although, totally unsure what to expect when she got there. ''Things felt off, and I knew it wasn't happening,'' she admitted. Kirby asked for a social worker to be present, but was instead asked to leave. As if she ''was a danger'', the hospital went into lockdown and Kirby left before bawling in her car. Two days later, the birth mother called Kirby to notify her that Child Services were involved now and there's nothing she could do about it. Kirby spent long hours contacting authorities, trying to track the baby down so she could be considered as a legal parent. But it wasn't until weeks later that she found out the couple had not given the child up - and had instead made the decision to keep the little girl after all. ''Someone sent me a screenshot of the surrogate's Facebook where she had announced the birth of her little girl. ''I wasn't angry, just hurt. If they changed their minds, why didn't they just tell me? ''Of course, I would have been upset, but I would have understood. I know how hard it is to lose a baby. I would have understood.'' Kirby has not heard from the couple since March, and they have refused her requests that they refund the thousands of dollars she had forked out on medical costs and baby equipment. They said they they will her in court, Kirby told the publication. ''But I want people to know about it, about what happened and for legislation to be changed. ''I just don't want anyone else to ever feel like this.''

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an hour ago
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