CNA938 Rewind - The Wellness Hour - More than bingo: Rethinking senior wellness
In 'Made in SG', Melanie Oliveiro speaks with two Singapore youth honoured at the National Geographic's global conservation challenge awards. Called the 2025 Slingshot Challenge, it celebrates youth-led solutions for conservation and environmental protection. Award recipients Raina Lakhamraju (Roots for Change) and Nainika Gupta (Orange for Green) will talk about what made their projects winning ones. Roots for Change harnesses carbon credit financing to protect the endangered mangrove forests of the Indian Sundarbans, while Orange for Green partners hawker centres in upcycling fruit waste into eco-friendly surface disinfectants and fertilisers.
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CNA
3 hours ago
- CNA
I don't want to micro-manage my kids' schoolwork. But as a PSLE parent, do I have any other choice?
In October 2024, I declared that I would be easing up on pressuring my five kids to do well in school. I wrote: 'Sometimes our kids need to fall before they can decide to pick themselves up and keep walking. As parents, we can guide and support – but we can't live their lives for them.' I received mixed responses to that piece from friends and family, who largely fell into two camps: 'Their Grades, Their Choices', and 'I'll Do Anything It Takes To Help My Child Succeed'. Fellow parents in the first camp told me I should lighten up even more on the revision schedules and supervision. 'They're already in primary school. They must learn the consequences of not completing their work or studying enough for their tests, right?' Meanwhile, friends in the second camp urged me to step up my involvement – hire tutors if my children need more help with certain subjects, or push them harder in their extracurriculars to gain an advantage in the Direct School Admissions exercise. At the time, I wholeheartedly agreed with Camp 'Their Grades, Their Choices'. But this year, as my eldest child prepares to sit the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE), I've found myself getting more and more involved in his studies. With the PSLE just a few short weeks away, do I still believe in my kids' autonomy over their academics? Or have I succumbed to parental backseat driving, revving the revision engine wherever I can? WHEN IS IT TIME TO INTERVENE? My eldest child wasn't happy with his final grades at the end of last year. Nevertheless, he'd worked hard in the lead-up to his end-of-year exams so we wanted him to have a proper break for December. So break we did. We went on not one but two holidays, one with family and one with friends. Video and board games were played, movies watched. We spent time with loved ones, swimming and eating and playing our days away. In January 2025, I told myself and my son that we'd have to work a lot harder in the upcoming months. He agreed solemnly, promising to study as diligently as he could. The first six months of his Primary 6 year whizzed by, culminating in Weighted Assessment results that he wasn't satisfied with. At the end of Term 2, he came to me with a plaintive request: 'I don't think I can do this alone, Mum. Can you please help me with my PSLE revision?' I spent hours looking through all the syllabus requirements for his subjects and drew up a detailed week-by-week plan for him, working backwards to ensure he'd cover everything well before his Preliminary Examinations. Then I sat my son down and showed him all the work he'd have to put in over the next 17 weeks. To my surprise and relief, he was fully onboard with the revision plan and readily agreed to follow it. (Although there was still some moaning, of course. Who likes being forced to study?) Since then, I'm very pleased with how he's stuck to his word. There are still some days when he plays a bit more than he studies – but so far, he's been able to recognise this and double his efforts the next day to make up for any lost time. Lately, I've also been trying something new. My son has expressly asked me to accompany him when he studies, explaining that he concentrates better when I'm there. So I've been sitting with him at the study table wherever I can, working on my own projects and tasks while letting him know that I'm available for questions and moral support. EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT In my October column, I wrote that 'sometimes our kids need to fall before they can decide to pick themselves up'. I still believe this. But now, I'm also learning new ways to account for the fact that every child has different needs which require different levels or types of attention. For example, one of my children, also in primary school, is quick and bright academically but requires very close supervision to ensure that they don't fritter away all their time on games and YouTube videos. 'Managing' this child in the same way as my eldest would likely be too suffocating. Instead, I focus on their lifestyle habits more – for instance, putting strict screen time restrictions in place. With this child, I also devote more time and energy to cajoling, encouraging and sometimes just listening to complaints. Another child, a few years younger, needs a lot more repetition to retain information, but does well when given attention and time to digest. For this child, we've found that being more involved in the learning process is crucial – prescribing work daily, sitting close by to guide and explain. With each child, we've learnt to observe and listen before deciding how involved or helpful we aim to be with their academic journey. EYE ON THE PRIZE Ultimately, it is impossible to parent well without being extremely invested in our kids' growth and well-being, no matter how brilliant or responsible or mature they may seem. But education is only one aspect of raising our children. No doubt, there's a lot riding on our kids' schoolwork. Especially so with the PSLE, which determines what their formal education journey will look like in the next four to seven years: which secondary schools they go to, what track they end up in (O-Levels, Integrated Programme and so on), and the opportunities they will have access to. However, helping our kids do well in school is only part of raising and equipping them to live good lives as adults. It's not the be all and end all of parenting. I'm not getting more involved in my eldest child's schoolwork because I want him to feel like his academic performance is the only thing that matters, because it's not. I'm also not upping the ante just to 'motivate' him. Instead, I'm doing it simply because he asked, which shows me that he's taking ownership of his own studies. To me, this is my responsibility as a parent – not to take over the wheel completely, but to give my child the tools and resources he feels he needs in order to give his very best effort and be proud of whatever that may look like. With the PSLE just three short months away, I make sure to remind my child that a perfect score isn't the prize we're keeping our eyes on. Instead, it's the attitude and mindset he's forging for approaching life's challenges. Will he face them with determination and resilience, taking responsibility for and pride in his own effort? Or will he let himself be led by resentment, fear and frustration? In 20, 30 or even 50 years' time, I believe these are the things he will still carry with him from this PSLE journey – not how many AL1s or 2s he scored, hours he spent mugging nor practice papers he completed. This, to me, is the true prize: The understanding that the most valuable things in life aren't merely quantified by a grade or a score. The journey matters more than the destination.
CNA
3 hours ago
- CNA
'Things were not the same anymore': After one partner cheats, can a relationship truly be saved?
Mr and Mrs Tan (not their real names) had been married for about five years when she started receiving messages from an unknown individual in early 2024 detailing an affair that he was having with his colleague. When she confronted her husband about it shortly after, he admitted to it. Mrs Tan, 37, a manager at a corporate firm, said: 'The first reaction was shock ... Following that, there was resentment, anger and sadness that we have lost a part of our relationship. Things were not the same anymore." She had never once doubted him even though he often stayed out late drinking. She had believed that her husband, who is manager at another corporate firm, just needed to relieve stress. For Mr Tan, 35, the extramarital affair was a form of escapism. He struggled with negative feelings and couldn't bring himself to discuss them with his wife, instead resorting to alcohol. This led to him turning to another woman to satisfy his physical needs in an affair that lasted over a year. Relationship counsellors told CNA TODAY that infidelity is rather common among married couples, be it emotional, physical or online cheating. Yet, couples can find it too painful or shameful to discuss the affairs openly, even if they want to fix their relationship. This begs the question – can a relationship survive infidelity? When is it worth mending the relationship and when is it better to call it quits? DISTANCE LEADS TO INFIDELITY In truth, adultery is rarely a hasty act. Experts said that it often starts from a gradual breakdown in a couple's relationship after trust and emotional closeness are weakened. Associate counsellor Beverly Foo from The Lighthouse Counselling, which provides couples' therapy and marriage counselling among other services, said that Singapore couples often juggle high-pressure careers and childcare responsibilities. With so many demands on their time and energy, couple time is usually the first thing sacrificed. As intimacy wanes, the relationship can then start to feel like a source of stress instead of support. 'As that distance grows, one or both partners may begin to invest less in the relationship," Ms Foo added. "Resentment builds, appreciation fades and attention shifts to what is lacking rather than what is present." As one or both parties begin to feel more emotionally neglected or vulnerable, boundaries with other people may start to blur. A connection with someone outside the relationship can feel rewarding. Over time, the person may permit themselves to cross a line. Relationship coach Winifred Ling from mental health clinic Promises Healthcare said that often, the workplace is the most convenient and accessible environment for this to happen. "Initially, (casual) encounters might seem harmless but once a boundary is crossed, it becomes easier to deceive and lie," she added. Ms Tammy Fontana, relationship counsellor at All in the Family Counselling Centre, stressed that infidelity is not always about an individual's moral failings and can often be a symptom of underlying issues within the relationship. It can also stem from a lack of emotional development and maturity, or mental health challenges such as depression, unresolved trauma or addiction issues. Additionally, the experts said that societal stigma often discourages couples from speaking openly about infidelity, a topic that's still widely considered to be taboo or shameful. This certainly rings true for Mr and Mrs Tan, who have not disclosed their difficulties to anyone outside of their immediate families and the reason why they did not want to be identified for this interview. Couples therapist Lieu An An from therapy provider The Psychology Atelier said that Singapore's strong emphasis on family stability and social image could play a part in pressuring couples to 'keep things together' even after such a betrayal. Relationship coach Winny Lu Aldridge from Just2Hearts Counselling said that cultural beliefs and values can also make many couples reluctant to "air dirty laundry in public", leading them to struggle in isolation. This may also mean that they do not receive the support and guidance they need, which can in turn worsen the emotional damage. WHEN IS THE RELATIONSHIP WORTH SAVING? When one partner cheats, does that automatically spell the end of the relationship? Not quite, the experts said. Many practical concerns can affect how individuals and couples weigh this dilemma – for instance, if young children are involved or if one spouse is financially dependent on the other. However, what often determines the outcome is not the nature of the betrayal itself, but rather how both partners respond afterwards. Ms Foo said: "If the unfaithful partner takes full responsibility, ends the affair completely and demonstrates genuine remorse – not just in words but through consistent and trustworthy actions – there is often a foundation to rebuild upon." Likewise, the betrayed partner needs to feel emotionally safe enough to stay open to the healing process, she added. This was the case for Mr and Mrs Tan. She eventually decided to give him another chance on account of their two young children, but also because Mr Tan took responsibility for his misdeeds by apologising sincerely, ending the affair and seeking her forgiveness, even cutting off communication with the other woman. 'Without any of these factors, I think it would be hard for us to move on,' Mrs Tan said. Even in the wake of an affair, the couple may still share a strong emotional connection, history or mutual respect, Mrs Aldridge from Just2Hearts Counselling said. If the unfaithful partner takes full responsibility, ends the affair completely and demonstrates genuine remorse – not just in words but through consistent and trustworthy actions – there is often a foundation to rebuild upon. However, some individuals may feel that staying with their partner after such a betrayal would compromise their emotional integrity or core values, Ms Foo said. One such person is Ms Willynn Ng, 37, who divorced her husband after he cheated on her twice. The regional head of a dating application said: 'There comes a point when you've given someone chance after chance and they make it painfully clear that they love themselves more than they ever loved you. 'When they repeatedly prioritise their own desires over your mental and emotional well-being, you realise that the only person left to choose you is you.' Ms Ng also asked herself what staying with her unfaithful spouse would signal to her four children. Would she be "normalising" the notion of betrayal in close relationships for them? "That's a legacy I refuse to leave behind." The betrayed parties may be more inclined to separate if they are financially independent or if they already have strong social and family support outside of their partners, Mrs Aldridge said. There is often no single deciding factor outweighing all else, but Ms Ling from Promises Healthcare believes that splitting up can be the best option when conflict between a couple is negatively affecting their children or when only one partner is still invested in making the relationship work. THE LONG JOURNEY TO HEALING How, then, can a broken relationship ever truly be healed? At the outset, the immediate priority should be allowing intense emotions such as anger and hurt to settle, Ms Lieu from The Psychology Atelier said. It could be good for couples to agree upon a short break from each other – even a few hours of space helps to prevent negative escalation. Major decisions such as separation or retaliation should be held off until emotions have cooled. To provide some stability during this emotional upheaval, the couple could also ask trusted family or friends to help with household duties such as childcare, Mrs Aldridge recommended. The next step: transparent conversations between the couple, which might take place over a few sessions. Both partners should be prepared to express feelings and needs that may have gone unattended for a long time, Ms Lieu said. In particular, the cheating partner has to be ready and willing to answer questions honestly. Such conversations can easily become confrontational and heated, so it is important to pace this process. In navigating this stage, couples should also consider reaching out for community support from loved ones or even professional help, as Mr and Mrs Tan did in seeking out a relationship counsellor. 'A trained couples therapist could be very helpful to add structure to talk about tricky topics,' Ms Lieu added. Finally, both partners need to commit to re-establishing trust. This involves negotiating clearer boundaries and reaffirming the shared values at the core of their relationship, Ms Lieu said. For instance, the unfaithful partner could proactively provide access to their personal devices and social media accounts for transparency, Ms Ling suggested. They should also take care to be responsive to their spouse and to avoid keeping secrets or telling lies, even small ones. In the case of Mr Tan, upon ending his affair, he made concerted efforts to change behaviours that had previously led their relationship to harm. Whenever he went out, he would limit himself to two drinks, update his wife on his location and return home by 10pm if she requested it of him. He also began setting aside time to check on his wife's emotional well-being or needs every day. He said it has helped the couple to create a consistent space for open sharing, where they feel safe to "voice out any negative feelings". Partners should not expect each other to "move on quickly", Ms Ling warned. Instead, it is important for the cheating partner to validate the hurt they caused their partner, express remorse and sit with the discomfort. Be careful not to lose patience, but to allow each other to grieve and process, the relationship coach advised. The unfaithful partner could also initiate activities that allow the couple to create new memories together. Persist in these efforts even if the hurt partner initially rejects them – not to badger them, but to show sincerity. More importantly, couples should not force or expect the relationship to revert to how it was before. 'Sustainable healing means collaborating to create a new normal marked by clearer agreements, richer communication and deeper emotional honesty," Ms Lieu said. 'Many couples might report feeling a more nuanced and enriched emotional connection ultimately – not because of the affair itself, but because of the intentional work that followed it.' Mr and Mrs Tan certainly agreed. Now, more than a year after their mutual decision to salvage their marriage, they said that their reforged relationship is stronger than ever. She said: 'In the past, when we spent time (together) as a family, he was always on the phone, thinking about something else. You could sense that he didn't really want to be there. 'Now, you can tell that he's truly present. His phone is aside. He's playing with the kids. He sees me differently and is more appreciative of the little things that I do." Mr Tan said that overcoming that challenging period together means that the family now feels more confident and able to confront whatever is thrown at them in future.
Independent Singapore
11 hours ago
- Independent Singapore
‘I survived on Indomie and cucumbers': When you're broke in Singapore, what do you eat?
SINGAPORE: It started with an unpretentious, level-headed question posted on Reddit: 'What should a Singaporean eat if they've gone broke?' The user who posted the question provided a rather miserable answer of his own — an 'endurance kit' comprising Indomie instant noodles, one cucumber split across three meals, some bread, and Milo. A little pathetic, a little tear-jerking — but it touched a nerve. The thread rapidly took off, becoming an unusually bolstering joint confessional. From frugal food hacks to community resources, fellow Singaporeans weighed in, providing guidance, compassion, and tales of resilience. Community before calories One suggestion didn't involve food from a store at all: 'Queue up at a Sikh temple for free meals. They have it 3x a day.' Langar, the practice of offering free meals at Sikh place of worship, has long been a silent pillar of support for the famished. In a country where 'dignity' and pride can occasionally stop people from asking for help, the idea that such support is present is both practical and profoundly sympathetic. Another commenter built on this spirit of kindness and genuine care: 'I think I would go to temples to get free meals, or look for soup kitchens. You need the nutrients and don't want to end up with medical conditions due to deficiencies and end up saddled with medical bills.' The message is clear: rudimentary nutrition is important, not just for endurance, but to evade a downhill spiral into health emergencies that can be more expensive than food. Hacks from the hungry However, not everyone who participated in the thread was penniless. Countless others knew what it felt like to stretch a dollar until it pleaded for mercy. And their imagination and resourcefulness were apparent. A user recommended: 'Get packet instead of cup instant noodles, and the extra saved can get cheap add-ons like eggs, imitation crab sticks, and some fresh veggies.' It's the type of logic born out of inexpensive grocery trips and hawker-centre economics. Another shared a time-tested and validated technique: 'I used to buy those red bean bun packets that had like 6 inside and tried to make it last for two days. I remember it was like $1.80 back then. Now don't know if $2 can cover.' Inflation has made these recollections feel like wistfulness from another age, but the approach — make small things stretch — still works. Others took a somewhat darker, more cynical attitude. One commenter, countering the cucumber idea, remarked flatly: 'Wa cucumber ah, I think I rather drink water and save the money to buy something else.' Broke in body, spirit, and energy Not all responses were firmly about financial difficulty. One predominantly touching response came from a student who depicted a different kind of destitution — emotional burnout: 'Wasn't 'broke' broke in terms of bank, but broke in terms of spirit and energy… I kept a container of instant oats in my dorm room… some weeks, almost the entire week.' Now and then, being broke isn't just about the wallet; it's about mental reserves, social investment, and the resolve to carry on. Their nourishment consisted of oats, hot water, the sporadic raisin or chocolate bar taken from school events, and a great deal of skipped mealtimes. The hidden economy of being poor Possibly, the most valuable observation to arise from this Reddit thread was not a suggested dish or food item, but a broader awareness — being broke calls for more than just being frugal. It requires imagination, community responsiveness, and frequently, a throbbing 'realignment' of pride. See also Singaporeans say S$2K monthly salary is considered poor One wise commenter condensed it seamlessly: 'Home-cooked food, well-planned and budgeted, far outstrips anything like cup noodles or low-nutrition food. This should be practised even on a normal budget, not just when you're poor.' More than just a meal Food has always been more than just nourishment. It's about individuality, well-being, and, for countless people, a device to gauge stability. What this thread disclosed was not just how Singaporeans feed themselves when times are hard, but how they care for one another. The penniless, the once-broke, and the still-financially-stressed all congregated around an online table to exchange recipes, recollections, and hard-fought wisdom. For sometimes, just to know that another person has made it through on raisins, noodles, oats, cucumber, and free grapes is enough to help another one get through one more day.
