"He Constantly Kissed His Dog": 22 Hilariously Petty Reasons Why People Dumped Their Partner

Yahoo

2 days ago

We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the pettiest reasons they broke up with someone, and their submissions are actually hysterical. Here's what they had to say:
1."I didn't go on a date with someone because they heard my accent (I'm from London) and asked how I 'got so good at talking American since it's not my first language.''
—steffimac25
2."We were selecting a movie at the video store (yes, I'm that old), and he went down a different aisle than I did. I turned the corner, and he was knuckle deep in his nose. He pulled out the biggest booger I've ever seen in my life and then rolled and flicked it. Date over."
—smellychef995
3."He called me kiddo. I paused. Replayed it in my head in case I heard it wrong. I broke up with him right there and then. I have worked too hard for too long to be reduced to 'kiddo.'"
—nastyskeleton263
4."I was dating this guy in high school who was very sweet but super shy, and we did NOT have the same sense of humor. When I broke up with him, I told him we just didn't have similar enough personalities, including a sense of humor. He asked what I meant, and I told him that I really love a good bit, and it's very important to me to laugh in a relationship. He looked super confused for a minute and then finally asked what a bit was. I knew it was for sure over then."
—Anonymous, 20, Illinois
5."I dated this guy for a while, but couldn't get over how he constantly kissed his dog more than the average person. It was wild how much he showed affection to the dog over people."
—Anonymous, 38, SC
6."She would refer to herself in the third person. She'd be like 'Well, Shelly doesn't like that.' WELL, GUESS WHAT? Jake doesn't like THAT."
—Anonymous, 37 TX
7."In my opinion, this was not petty, but very much deserved. I had a pretty great boyfriend, aside from minimal red flags. Well, this man spent the night in my apartment. I was horrified to find that he both did not wash his hands and did not brush his teeth more than three times a week. I dumped him later that day."
—Anonymous, 27 CA
8."I did not know what to get him for Christmas so I dumped him."
—Anonymous
9."I hated the way he swallowed water from his water bottle. He'd throw his head back as far as it would go and hold the water bottle straight up. But the angle of his neck from being that far back made the water have to SQUUUIIIISSHHH through his esophagus, and it was always the loudest, squishiest gulping noise. I couldn't stand the sound anymore."
—Anonymous, 48 Minneapolis
10."This man would text me with no punctuation. One of his literal texts he sent was this: 'okay sounds good I'll be there at 7 maybe idk it depends traffic has been crazy but good day how was yours' I mean, I could understand it, but I'm not finna decode a whole riddle every time I see your text bubble show up."
—Anonymous, 35, NY
11."She said she didn't like cheesecake. I was looking forward to the last slice in the fridge. She ate it because she said there was nothing to eat. The house was full of food, she just didn't want to cook."
—Anonymous, 40, Canada
12."We had been dating for a few months. We put on a movie for the kids, and I looked over and he was crying. It was Chicken Run. That was it for me."
—Anonymous
13."I once broke up with a guy because I couldn't stand his laugh. And humor is my biggest turn-on! But his laugh was my biggest turn-off."
—Anonymous, 41, Toronto
14."I found out his younger sister had the same name and hair color as me. He said and moaned the nickname he also used for her while we were doing the deed, and I couldn't help but think he was into his sister after that."
—Anonymous, 28, USA
15."I dated a guy who looked amazing in real life and on paper. Handsome, tall, rich family, great school, was a doctor, dressed well, super hardworking, and texted back immediately. Literally everything you'd want in a partner. HOWEVER! He chewed very loudly with his mouth open all the time! Like I could fully see the back of his throat, and food would sometimes fall out of his mouth. We actually managed to somehow date each other for months while only going to the restaurant together twice, and I broke up with him after the second time because it gave me the ick to watch him eat."
—Anonymous, 34, Chicago
16."He was an Android user."
—Anonymous, 25, PA
17."I had started dating a guy who worked at Home Depot. Not my usual type, but he was nice and quite good-looking, so why not? A few weeks in, we were having drinks, and he mentioned that I would never guess his nickname at work. It was Hollywood. As a professional career woman, I just...couldn't, and never saw him again."
—Anonymous, 65, the villages fl
18."I broke up with my girlfriend because she would always put on lip gloss before we would make out."
—Anonymous, 17, Indiana
19."I dumped her because of the sound of her voice. She was perfect in every way. Smart, funny, and beautiful. And we had so much in common. But I just couldn't stand listening to her talk. We broke up, and a year later, we met again, and I couldn't imagine why in the world I broke up with such a perfect creature. But one week later, I knew: it was the voice. I felt terrible about it, but I knew we couldn't stay together."
—Anonymous, 50, Netherlands
20."I am Mexican with a large family. When I was 18, I was dating another Mexican with a large family. One weekend, we attended a family event for me on Saturday. There was drinking, eating, and so on. On Sunday, we were at a family event for her, and all the same stuff was happening. I realized I would be doubling the family nonsense I already deal with, and doubling it was not something I wanted. I broke up with her."
—Anonymous, 53, Mexico
21."Bro really had the audacity to tell me he didn't like my cat."
—Anonymous, 18 WI
22.And finally, "I didn't dump the guy, but he dumped me. We had an amazing lunch date. Went shopping for a few things. It was still early in the day, so we headed back to my house to hang out. We got back to my house, and he had 'an emergency.' He had two young kids, and I was like OK, cool, I'll talk to you later. He sent me a text about a half hour later, saying he didn't see our relationship going anywhere because I didn't 'need' him. I asked what he meant, and he said, 'You didn't ask me to hold any of your stuff when we were shopping, and you knew what you were looking for at Home Depot.' I guess being able to take care of myself is a problem?"
—Anonymous, 41, Georgia
What's the pettiest reason you dumped someone? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
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