Eating without waiting for others is not rude, study finds

Telegraph

20-06-2025

Eating your food at a restaurant while others are still waiting for their dish to arrive is not rude, scientists have found.
The predicament of what to do if a waiter brings only part of a table's food out at one time is an enduring dilemma.
A study of almost 2,000 people run by City St George's university in London discovered that beginning eating instead of waiting for all to be served is not the social faux pas Britons think it is.
Various tests were run on different groups of people to determine how they felt about starting their meal while others had not been served, and also how they would feel if they were still waiting while someone else commenced dining.
Other studies investigated the impact of people encouraging their fellow patron to begin and not to delay, and for the person who has already been served to consider the situation through the lens of their unserved company.
The scientists discovered a double standard in how people see this quandary because people hold themselves to a higher moral benchmark than they do others.
People are largely unbothered if someone is served before them at a table and starts eating. However, people are mortified by the idea of themselves tucking in alone while others wait.
Janina Steinmetz, a professor of marketing at Bayes Business School, said: 'The decision of when to start eating food in the company of others is a very common dilemma.
'Norm adherence dictates that we wait until all food is served before starting, and disregarding it feels rude and discourteous to us. Surprisingly, this feeling barely changes even when another person explicitly asks us to go ahead.
'It occurs because people have greater access to their own internal feelings – such as appearing considerate or avoiding social discomfort – than to others' psychological experiences.'
Often diners wait for their own benefit, she added, with co-diners minding 'far less than we think if we wanted to go ahead and eat'.
'People will wait to feel polite, but if the quality of their food is dependent on factors like temperature it may not taste as nice when they finally do start eating.'
Irene Scopelliti, a professor of marketing and behavioural science, added: 'This is not just about politeness: it's about psychological access.
'We can feel our own internal discomfort, guilt, and the positive feelings from appearing considerate, but we can't fully access what others are experiencing internally.
'So, while we might feel genuinely awful about eating before others get their food, we assume others won't feel as strongly about it.
'Results of our study have implications for restaurants and beyond. Any service where people receive food at different times within a group creates similar psychological dynamics.
'Providers often optimise for efficiency, without realising that some people experience genuine discomfort when they receive service before others in their group.
'The research shows how much we systematically underestimate others' internal emotional experiences, which contributes to broader understanding of social norms and group dynamics.'
The study is published in the journal Appetite.
'We've been doing it all wrong'
It comes after a University of Oxford scientist claimed in 2022 that another rule of decorum at the dinner table should be abandoned and that people should actually eat with their mouth open.
Prof Charles Spence, an experimental psychologist, claimed that smacking your lips and letting guests see your food as you chew it is the best way to eat.
The academic now wants Britons to embrace a more uncouth and hedonistic approach to dinner time and abandon all sense of decorum and sensibility.
'We've been doing it all wrong,' he said.
'Parents instil manners in their children, extolling the virtues of politely chewing with our mouths closed.
'However, chewing open mouthed may actually help to release more of the volatile organic compounds, contributing to our sense of smell and the overall perception.'