In Chancellor's absence, a new titanic ego has the chance to avoid questions
We've all been there – and rather there than here, listening to Darren evade Commons scrutiny.
Given there is a £6 billion hole in the budget, observed Sir Mel, do we have any fiscal rules left? The answer, in so many words? 'Liz Truss'. Meg Hillier asked the Treasury Secretary to explain the value of fiscal discipline and he replied 'Liz Truss'. John Glen urged him to make an 'impact assessment' of any tax rises: Jones said 'Liz Truss', smiled and shrugged. Harriet Baldwin suggested that the markets were concerned about the 'wellbeing' of the absent Chancellor – perhaps having a personal moment with 20 Rothmans and the EastEnders omnibus – and Jones said he was 'not entirely sure what the question was', but nevertheless, 'Liz Truss'.
At this point, Stella Creasy revealed that she was 'the MP for the constituency that the lettuce was from that lasted longer' than Liz Truss. Labour members howled with laughter. I did not. Given the corruption in London voting, there's a good chance that the lettuce voted for Stella Creasy.
Jones, a titanic ego, breezed through the session as if everything in the World of Darren is going tickety-boo – an impression subverted by the only MP who would share his front bench, Christian Wakeford.
Wakeford, with a beer belly and vanishing hair, has the air of a man whose life has fallen apart and is sleeping in a van down by the river. He doesn't move. He stares at the ceiling. A passing MP instinctively dropped a fiver in his hat.
Up popped the loyal backbenchers with scripted lines about 'financial mismanagement', telling us the Tories had 'seven different fiscal rules' at least seven times. Chris Vince, barely out of uni, suggested one reason for the 'fiscal mess' was the Tories cutting '1,200 HMRC compliance officers. And I declare an interest because one of them was my mum!'.
Jas Athwal, in his question about the 'dangerous dismantling of all our public services', neglected to declare that he was once criticised for the poor state of the flats he let to tenants. When Deirdre Costigan raised the plight of children sleeping in 'mouldy, temporary homes', the irony was missed. But the prize for toe-curling must go to Jeevun Sandher, a boy who looks and sounds like an Apprentice candidate, the kind that says 'I am the best salesman since Julius Caesar', then gets knocked out in round one after scoring zero sales.
'I'm amaaazed the party opposite brought an urgent question on fiscal rules,' he oozed, 'I mean guyyys – and it is all guyyys – come on!'
Guys?! The Tory benches included several women, plus Mel Stride. Esther McVey looked ready to thump him.
As for me, I had ceased listening and was thinking of centrist co-hosts for Rachel's inevitable, bland podcast. My best is ex-sailor Penny Mordaunt: they can call it 'Politics with Davros and the Sea Devil.' It'll blow The Rest is Blah out of the water.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Independent
10 minutes ago
- The Independent
Why Starmer has more to worry about than his inability to play golf when he meets Trump at Turnberry
Keir Starmer has confided that he has never played golf before, which may prove to be a problem when he holds a bilateral with Donald Trump at the US president's Turnberry course in Scotland on Monday. The location partially explains the nervous energy around the prime minister when he discusses this last-minute arranged meeting as Trump spends a few days relaxing at his own Scottish courses. 'Golf is not something you can pick up in a weekend,' a source close to the PM said, envisaging the two holding their bilateral around 18 holes on the championship course. But a potential crash course in golf is the least of Sir Keir's concerns as he prepares for yet another crucial bilatera l with a US president he has struck up a politically unlikely friendship with. Top of the agenda will be the steel industry followed by Ukraine and Gaza - all issues where Sir Keir and Trump still seem far apart. Men of steel If sorting out the trade deal was the equivalent of a green on a golf course, Starmer would be on his third attempt with the putter trying to sink a ball which initially rolled invitingly near to the flag. Already we have effectively had two signing ceremonies for a trade agreement to tackle Trump's 'freedom day' tariffs. The first occasion in May when it was described as 'the big and beautiful deal' seemed to have resolved almost everything. Then nothing happened until the two men appeared together in Canada last month with a signed deal which the president almost immediately fumbled on to the floor. But even after that there was one crucial issue left over - steel. Trump put tariffs of 25 per cent on steel and then increased them to 50 per cent for the rest of the world, with a threat that the UK would go from 25 to 50 per cent if it did not sort the issue out. Time is running out and with the taxpayer now in hock to the future of British Steel and the entire industry staring at a precipice, Starmer needs to get the zero per cent tariff he was promised back in May. Unfortunately, there appears to be no immediate sign of that happening. Palestinian recognition There is a lot of speculation within Labour this weekend that Keir Starmer wants to recognise the state of Palestine as French president Emmanuel Macron did on Thursday. But he cannot do it until after he has had his meeting with Trump - otherwise the inevitable row over it would dominate proceedings. US secretary of state Marco Rubio made it clear that the US was disgusted with France and thought Macron was 'rewarding terrorism' by Hamas. A similar angry view would be taken with the UK. But the two do need to discuss the issues with the crisis coming to a head. Somehow Trump's enthusiasm for brokering a ceasefire there needs to be renewed and some think Starmer is the man to do that. His ability to boost the president's ego has become the blueprint for international leaders to deal with the second Trump term. Without US leadership there is a danger that the war will just go on and thousands of people trapped in Gaza will simply starve to death. In many ways Starmer will be speaking for the so-called E3 group of UK, France and Germany on the issue after the emergency phone call with Macron and German chancellor Friedrich Merz on Friday. Not forgetting Ukraine The Middle East may not even be Starmer's biggest international priority in these talks. He is desperate for a solution to the Ukraine problem and recently with Macron and Merz has been pushing ahead with the 'coalition of the willing' to provide a safeguard for Ukraine after a peace deal. He and Macron announced new details and plans for the coalition of the willing after the French president's recent state visit. But they are moving ahead without the one thing they need - a promise by the US to back them up militarily if things go wrong. Trump has resisted this idea, much preferring to get a share of Ukraine's mineral resources. He has shown no interest at all in Starmer's plan. But the British prime minister needs to somehow to get him on side on Monday. The State Visit While this is a private trip for Trump to look at his personal business interests (play golf on his own courses), it is a precursor to a much bigger visit in September. The invitation for a state visit came from the King and was delivered by his prime minister but details of the political side of the historic trip will be discussed. There may be an awkward moment regarding why Macron got to address a joint sitting of the Houses of Parliament and Trump will not. The excuse that it is the day after Parliament rises does not hold water because MPs and peers came back to hear the late Pope Benedict address them in 2010 in identical circumstances. There will be no shortage of rightwing British Trump friends visiting him over the next few days, including Nigel Farage and fellow Brexit bad boy Andy Wigmore, who will point out that others were treated better. How Starmer can win over Trump It is understood that the prime minister came up with a solution to deal with the diplomatic problem of having to play golf, at a recent social event in Westminster. 'We toss a coin. If the president wins we play golf, if I win we play football,' the PM is understood to have suggested. Given how much Trump enjoyed himself with Chelsea players after presenting the World Club Cup to them, that may be a solution. But it is going to take more than a coin flip for Sir Keir to persuade the president on these other issues. The one thing that matters though is that Trump values relationships and trusts people who are straight with him and give him their trust. Back at the G7 in Canada Trump made it clear that the UK will do well with him because he likes Starmer. He said: 'The UK is very well protected. You know why? Because I like them. The prime minister has done a really good job. He has done what other people have been talking about for six years and he has done it.' Starmer is going to need all the charm that he seems to have reserved for his international duties to get what he wants on Monday. But recent history suggests that it could all be within his grasp.
BreakingNews.ie
11 minutes ago
- BreakingNews.ie
Get your act together on immigration, Trump tells Europe as he lands in Scotland
Europe 'better get your act together' on immigration, US president Donald Trump said as he landed in Scotland. Mr Trump is in the country for a four-day visit to both of his golf clubs in Aberdeen and Ayrshire. Advertisement Donald Trump speaks to the media after arriving in Scotland (Jacquelyn Martin/AP) Landing at around 8.30pm on Friday, the president was greeted by Scottishsecretary Ian Murray before speaking to reporters. Asked about illegal immigration – which successive UK governments have sought to curb – Mr Trump said: 'On immigration, you better get your act together. 'You're not going to have Europe anymore, you've got to get your act together. 'As you know, last month we had nobody entering our country – nobody, [we] shut it down.' Advertisement The president spoke to journalists as he disembarked the plane (Jane Barlow/PA) He added: 'You've got to stop this horrible invasion that's happening to Europe.' Immigration, Mr Trump said, was 'killing Europe'. Some European leaders, he continued, 'have not let it happen' and are 'not getting the proper credit they should', though the president did not say who he was talking about. Mr Trump said: 'Many countries in Europe, some people, some leaders, have not let it happen, and they're not getting the proper credit they should.' Advertisement Trump supporters gather at Prestwick Airport ahead of US President Donald Trump's arrival (Jane Barlow/PA) The president also praised British prime minister Keir Starmer ahead of a meeting between the two at one of his courses in the coming days, describing him as a 'good man'. 'I like your prime minister, he's slightly more liberal than I am – as you probably heard – but he's a good man. He got a trade deal done,' he said. 'You know, they've been working on this deal for 12 years, he got it done – that's a good deal, it's a good deal for the UK.' The president's motorcade – which contained more than two dozen vehicles – passed a small group of protesters as he entered his Turnberry golf club. Advertisement The Trump motorcade on the A77 in Maybole, South Ayrshire, as it arrives at his Turnberry golf resort (Robert Perry/PA) Mr Trump also suggested he would be meeting Mr Starmer 'tomorrow evening', although it is understood the pair will not meet until Monday. As well as the British prime minister, Scottish first minister John Swinney will meet with the president, as will European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen, who confirmed on X she will come to Scotland on Sunday in a bid to hash out a trade deal between the US and Europe. Mr Trump told journalists there was a 'good 50/50 chance' of a deal being struck, adding that it would be the 'biggest deal of them all'. The president and Mr Starmer are expected to discuss potential changes to the UK-US trade deal which came into force last month. Advertisement Donald Trump waves as he disembarks from Air Force One (Jacquelyn Martin/AP) Mr Swinney has pledged to 'essentially speak out for Scotland'. Speaking as he boarded Air Force One in the US, Mr Trump said he would be having dinner with the prime minister at Turnberry, before 'going to the oil capital of Europe, which is Aberdeen'. He said: 'We're going to have a good time. I think the prime minister and I get along very well.' Police on horseback outside the perimeter of Turnberry golf course in South Ayrshire (Robert Parry/PA) Mr Trump added: 'We're going to be talking about the trade deal that we made and maybe even approve it.' He also told journalists he was 'looking forward' to meeting with the 'Scottish leader' Mr Swinney, describing him as a 'good man'. During his time in Scotland, the president is also likely to spark a number of protests, with concerns being raised about how such demonstrations are policed. Police Scotland has called in support from other forces in the UK to help bolster officer numbers, though senior officers and the organisation which represents the rank-and-file have accepted Mr Trump's visit will have an impact.
The Guardian
11 minutes ago
- The Guardian
UK and Australia sign Aukus treaty to build nuclear submarines as Lammy downplays US doubts
Australia and the UK have signed a 50-year treaty to cement the Aukus pact to design and build a new class of nuclear-powered submarine. Australia's defence minister, Richard Marles, and the UK's defence secretary, John Healey, signed the deal – dubbed the 'Geelong Treaty' – in Geelong on Saturday, with Marles saying it was among the most significant treaties between the two nations. It came as the US, which is not a party to the treaty, wavers on its own role in the trilateral Aukus agreement, after the Trump administration launched a review to examine whether it aligns with his 'America first' agenda. A joint statement released by the UK and Australia said the treaty would enable cooperation on the SSN-Aukus submarine's design, build, operation, sustainment, and disposal, as well as workforce, infrastructure and regulatory systems. The SSN-Aukus is intended to incorporate technology from all three Aukus nations. It will be built in northern England for the UK Royal Navy, and Australia plans to build its own in South Australia for delivery to the Australian navy in the 2040s. The treaty is yet to be released publicly and will be tabled in parliament next week. Marles told reporters the treaty will underpin how the UK and Australia work together to deliver the submarines. He said there were three parts to the treaty, including training in the UK for Australian submariners and other required roles, and 'facilitating the development' of infrastructure at the Osborne Naval Shipyard in Adelaide. 'And finally, what the treaty does is create a seamless defence industrial base between the United Kingdom and Australia. This project is going to see Australian companies supplying into Great Britain for the building of submarines,' he said. 'It will see British companies supplying to Australia for the building of our own submarines here in Adelaide. Healey said the treaty would support tens of thousands of jobs in both Australia and the UK. 'It is a treaty that will fortify the Indo-Pacific. It will strengthen Nato and we're the politicians signing it today. But this is a treaty that will define the relationship between our two nations and safeguard the security of our country for our children and our children's children to come,' he said. Marles said the deal was 'another demonstration of the fact that Aukus is happening, and it is happening on time, and we are delivering it'. 'It's a treaty which will last for 50 years. It is a bilateral treaty which sits under the trilateral Aukus framework.' As part of the existing Aukus agreement, Australia will pay about $4.6bn to support British industry to design and produce nuclear reactors to power the future Aukus-class submarines. It will pay a similar amount to the US to support America's shipbuilding industry. Under the $368bn Aukus program, Australia is scheduled to buy at least three Virginia-class nuclear-powered submarines from the US from the early 2030s. Earlier on Saturday, the UK foreign secretary, David Lammy, appeared at an event in Sydney run by the Lowy Institute. Asked by the presenter if the UK was 'coming to the rescue because America is losing interest in Aukus', he said that wasn't the case, and that the deal was about '20,000 jobs between our two countries' and a secure partnership well into the future. Lammy dismissed concerns over the Trump administration's Aukus review, saying it would 'flush out any issues for them'. He said both the UK and Australian governments had also undertaken a review of the pact. 'All governments do reviews, and should do reviews, particularly when they involve big aspects of procurement and defence,' he said. Lammy said the world had entered a 'new era' of instability and that 'investing in defence is an investment in peace' because opponents 'realise that you are armed and capable'. The Trump administration's review is being headed by the Pentagon's undersecretary of defence policy, Elbridge Colby, who has previously declared himself 'sceptical' about the deal, fearing it could leave US sailors exposed and underresourced.
