Dear Richard Madeley: ‘The pet name my girlfriend has started calling me is hurtful'
Several of my male friends have nicknames that they obviously don't like, but they know that if they make a fuss it'll just get worse so they put up with it. I've been spared this, but I didn't imagine I would have to deal with it in my relationship. How can I nip it in the bud?
— B, via email
OK, let's extend your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt here. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that she genuinely doesn't comprehend how upsetting you find her use of this particular 'nickname'. Perhaps when you spoke to her about it you were trying not to make too big a deal out of the issue. Maybe you were too laid-back, too casual. You didn't want to come across as oversensitive.
So – she hasn't since repeated the slur out of malice: she honestly doesn't understand the effect it has on you. So tell her. If you don't, every time it happens will be like pressing on a bruise. It will hurt more and more. Not a recipe for happy coupledom. So as I say – tell her. Not in a blaming or accusatory way (we're giving her the benefit of the doubt, remember?). But be crystal clear about how it leaves you feeling, and ask her not to use it again.
I'm sure she'll agree – she did the last time you spoke to her about it, didn't she? But if that turns out to be lip service, and she says it again… well, I'm sorry to say you may have a problem. She'll be actively and knowingly trying to hurt you, and/or revealing that she is dissatisfied with your physical appearance. In which case, a conversation of a very different order may be required. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
You can find more of Richard Madeley's advice here or submit your own dilemma below.
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